To message the other woman?

[inhellyesterday]

I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for just over a year now. I'm 25 and he is 22, we see each other about twice a month and have been on a few holidays together. However, he told me last night that he has been cheating on me with a 30 year old woman from him work, I suppose that's the only decent thing he has done was telling me but I knew something was up. He was becoming very distant etc. He doesn't want to continue our relationship but claims the relationship with this woman is 'purely sexual' and he doesn't want a relationship with her. But I wouldn't be surprised if they were to become an item.

I'm heartbroken and beyond furious. I know my anger should be at him but she is 30 and a mother, she knew about me and also likes almost all of our pictures on social media of me and him together whilst she was shagging him. What is all that about? Also what does a 30 year old mother want with a 22 year old boy? WIBU to message her telling her exactly what I think of her and then just block them both? He's heard what I have to say.

She hasn't done anything wrong. She has no loyalties to you.

She's 30 and he's 22. Maybe not ideal but not exactly wrong. Both grown adults making their own decisions.

Be angry at him. He's the one who's done this to you not her. Messaging her is just a waste of everyone's time.

I hope you feel better soon OP, and find somebody who treats you better.

She wants sex, exactly the same as a 30yo man would with a 22yo woman. It isn't about her, she hasn't cheated on you, she owes you nothing, he is the arsehole here. Preserve your dignity and block them both.

I'm sorry he's done this to you.
Your rage seems directed at the wrong place and you're fixated on the age gap. 8 years really isn't much at all. Try not to think about it and start making plans to move on. Keep busy, do nice things and leave all this behind you.

You need to stop focusing on her age and that she's a mum. Age gaps happen. Some people are parents. They've both treated you awfully but if you message they'll paint you as the crazy one.

I'd block both of them and have the dignity.

No, don't message her. Maintain your dignity, block them both and move on.

The age thing and the fact that she's a mother is neither here nor there.

22? He's barely out of the oven. Leave him to play with someone else while he grows up. Find someone more worthy of you OP, he sounds infantile.

This makes no sense. He saw someone he was attracted to and started having sex with her.

I doubt her age even came into it.

you aren’t being rationale.

I know you’re hurting but it’s not worth confronting her.

Her behaviour is pretty abhorrent but it’s your boyfriend that cheated on you. Walk away with your dignity and leave them to their pathetic little ‘relationship’.

This won’t make you feel any better now but at least you found out what he’s like before kids and marriage (he’s still a twat though).

This makes no sense. He saw someone he was attracted to and started having sex with her.

The boyfriend was attracted to the fact op is older than him. Now he's found a woman who's even more mature because she's 30 and a mother ("MILF") and lost interest. But... he was probably predisposed to being a cheating twat so would've happened no matter what.

You can do but I don’t think it will make you feel better.

What do you hope to gain from it?

Do you think she will feel guilty about it?

From what you’ve said she may already have known about you so there’s no way she’s going to feel guilty if that’s the case.

What reply can she give that will make you feel better?

Don't message her, it will only reflect badly on you. He is the one you should be angry with. Block him and move on.

I'm more attractive than her though so I don't get it at a

I met my (now ex) husband when he was 22 and I was 30 we were together for 10 years and had children. We split up for reasons unconnected to the age gap. Plenty of people have a large age gap and 8 years isn’t a lot. Nothing “wrong” about it as both of them are adults.

To answer your question, move on and find someone else who respects you. You won’t get the answers you seek from messaging this other woman. Read the book “block, delete, move on” too.

There is no point searching for the answers or comparing yourself to her, you just need to move on. It’s good you have a high self esteem focus on someone who will treat you better and let this one go.

You don’t need to get it. He cheated on you. It doesn’t mean the other woman has to be younger, prettier, more intelligent or richer.

I am sure you are amazing - but no one is immune to being cheated on. He didn’t have enough respect for you to be faithful. Focus on that.

There is no point searching for the answers or comparing yourself to her, you just need to move on. It’s good you have a high self esteem focus on someone who will treat you better and let this one go.

I agree.

Its shit but you just need to move on.

Look I'm sorry you are hurting but internalised misogyny is a thing. Hating on other women because age, looks or status is not healthy.

Your ex boyfriend is a dickhead and you dodged a bullet. He sounds selfish and immature. You can do a lot better.

Block both and move on.

This kind of attitude is really unattractive though.

Your ageism and unpleasant comments about her attractiveness suggest that you may be a vain, shallow person. Do you think these qualities had anything to do with your break up?

I'm sorry he cheated on you - that's unacceptable. But your comments about her are ugly, too.

You sound like you are 15. Time to grow up a bit...

I get your hurting and upset. It’s not “wrong” for a 30 yo to have sex with a 22 year old!! Jesus! It’s legal, you’re focussing your energy on the wrong thing

He likes older women and he's a cheat. There's nothing else to 'get'.

I know you're angry and hurting but it's nothing to do with attraction or age or anything like that. She's available and he's a cheat. That's it. It's not really anything to do with you. I remember when I suspected one of my exs of cheating (at the very least there were inappropriately close relationships or emotional affairs) and the women were always less attractive than me. It didn't really matter how attractive I was or they were. They were a nice ego boost for him.

Don't message her. I gave in to feelings like that when I was younger and I always regretted it. You'll cringe at what you said in the future.

I see nothing wrong between a 30 y.o. mother with a 22 y.o., I see nothing wrong in what she did (she's single), I see a lot things wrong in what he did. Direct you anger at him, not her. On the other hand, you could also just let it go, which at your age I would do. Also, and there's no nice way of putting it, out of sight, out mind, the younger you are the more true it is imho.
Take it as a lesson you've learnt on the cheap. Next time a partner starts being very distant you'll know sth was up, trust your gut next time. He's saved from finding out he's a cheat years from now! So don't dwell on it, he did you favour.
Tbh, I think there's often a bit of a mental gap between a 25 y.o. woman and a 22 y.o. boy, often the woman will be a bit more responsible and put together, compared to the guy, that's why women like older men. Really, you're very upset, I understand that, but you'll move on to better and bigger things!

I was 30 and my OH was 21 when we first got together. It's now 13 years later and we have 2 kids, a mortgage and a wonderful life together. He has always been fairly mature and more sensible than me, so I've never felt like he was younger at all. Apart from when he told me he didn't know who Jason Donavon was!!! 😲