To think mums are entitled to nights off

Rachie1973 · 27/06/2022 10:03

I do a night out at least once a month. Sometimes more. If it’s boozy DH looks after kids for the night.

Steelesauce · 27/06/2022 10:03

No one in real life gives a toss if you have a night off.

SheWoreYellow · 27/06/2022 10:05

Really? I’ve seen a few saying they wouldn’t leave the baby for ten days, or wouldn’t leave it overnight when very young but I’ve never seen anyone say they wouldn’t have a night out. Or that they would judge anyone who did.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/06/2022 10:10

You say you get a bit drunk but never come home drunk so do you mean leaving them overnight? I think people can get a bit 🙄 about leaving very young babies overnight as they often only really settle for mom but that depends on the age And child.

Just appreciate you've got someone who'll do regular childcare and enjoy. We all parent differently and that's fine

BigYellowElephant · 27/06/2022 10:13

Of course you're entitled to a night off! I did several times when my eldest was a baby, from about 7/8 months onwards when she would happily take a bottle.

Original poster

Areyoumine · 27/06/2022 10:15

I didn’t leave him until he was 16 months when I stopped BF, he is quite a clingy baby but surely it is good for him to form other relationships? Especially with grandparents, I feel as much you get judged regardless.

OP posts:

BigYellowElephant · 27/06/2022 10:15

I cant now because my youngest two cosleep and the baby breastfeeds through the night, their dad isn't suitable to leave them with and its not fair on my mum to expect her to cosleep with two toddlers. Doesn't mean I judge anyone else for it - I'd love a night off!

LiarActressGoTheFuckOut · 27/06/2022 10:15

I’ve never seen anyone say that mums can’t have a night out. If they do say that, clearly they’re being ridiculous and you should ignore them.

AngelHead · 27/06/2022 10:15

One night a week where you go at say 7pm and have drinks, come home at 1am or something and then sleep and rest til noon the next day is fine if the children are looked after by someone trusted and responsible. You need to do something for you as a parent... for some it's going out for a cycle or out drinking with mates.

Lacedwithgrace · 27/06/2022 10:17

Being a mum isn't a job, you don't or shouldn't have to earn a 'night off'. Most dads wouldn't get a night off they just go out if they want

Passthetena · 27/06/2022 10:20

Steelesauce · 27/06/2022 10:03

No one in real life gives a toss if you have a night off.

You'd be surprised. I'm sending my almost 2 year old for their first sleepover at nanny and grandads soon (prep for when I'm in labour) and a 'friend' pretty much told me I'm a shit mum for palming them off on someone. Got the same when I had family babysit to go on a date night with the other half too. People love to judge!

Original poster

Areyoumine · 27/06/2022 10:23

@Passthetena seriously! Why do people want to make you feel shit it’s so awful!

OP posts:

Username917778 · 27/06/2022 10:24

Unless those two boozy nights out were when your son less than a week old, I doubt anyone would have much of an opinion on that.

riesenrad · 27/06/2022 10:26

Areyoumine · 27/06/2022 10:15

I didn’t leave him until he was 16 months when I stopped BF, he is quite a clingy baby but surely it is good for him to form other relationships? Especially with grandparents, I feel as much you get judged regardless.

As a mum you get judged for everything. If you didn't leave him people would say you were making him clingy. Do what suits you and forget what "people" think.

lolil · 27/06/2022 10:28

So I have been on 2 boozy nights since my son was born 2 years ago, I keep seeing threads of women that say they wouldn’t do that.

I wouldn't do it.

To give some perspective though, I don't like nights out and drinking. I do however have regular weekends away and have done throughout my 20 year marriage.

I think those quick to judge a woman for leaving their children with their father simply have crap partners (or exs) - there is nothing wrong with a man taking care of his own children. Weird that anyone would think otherwise

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 27/06/2022 10:29

I think if a Dad went out drinking an average of once a year it'd be a complete non-event. I believe it is a good idea that children have a designated sober adult even after they've gone to bed in case of emergency but as long as they have that knock yourself out (but perhaps not literally) /unmumsnetty hug

5128gap · 27/06/2022 10:32

Nothing wrong with it at all. In fact if you have the chance I think its far preferable to do your drinking and socialising out of the house with your children out if the way, than some compromise where you socialise and drink at home with the DC in bed and potentially needing you at any time. You can't fully relax or commit to either thing then.

IfYouOnlyKnew · 27/06/2022 10:36

Every mum gets judged for something. Usually most of it is bollocks. As long as the child is with some where safe there is absolutely no problem with having a night out. My dad used to go to the pub everyday after work and not a soul judged him and his parenting style.

5128gap · 27/06/2022 10:38

SleepingStandingUp · 27/06/2022 10:10

You say you get a bit drunk but never come home drunk so do you mean leaving them overnight? I think people can get a bit 🙄 about leaving very young babies overnight as they often only really settle for mom but that depends on the age And child.

Just appreciate you've got someone who'll do regular childcare and enjoy. We all parent differently and that's fine

Theres no such thing as a baby who will only settle for mom. Babies become accustomed to settling for other people when mom is unavailable, as they should. Total reliance on one carer isn't a good thing if there are other options.

SaveTheSharks · 27/06/2022 10:38

Mine is 2 and I still haven’t had an evening out. He will only go to sleep for me so I’ve accepted it, but I’m saving up for when he will go to bed for his dad (he works abroad so I think DS will need to be a bit older) and I’m having myself a night in a hotel with a spa one day! One day!

do whatever you need to do for you. Mother’s dont have to be martyrs. If you can take some time for yourself then do it for sure.

Amei · 27/06/2022 10:40

I could do with a week off just to sleep tbh

Reallyreallyborednow · 27/06/2022 10:46

So I have been on 2 boozy nights since my son was born 2 years ago, I keep seeing threads of women that say they wouldn’t do that

i wouldn’t either, because I don’t enjoy boozy nights.

i have however left them on an evening to work, go to the gym, cinema, or any other activity I want or need.

booze and parenting for me don’t mix. I cannot look after children or work, or both, after a night drinking. It was ok pre kids when i could take to bed and sleep it off.

RagingWoke · 27/06/2022 10:47

You get judged no matter what you do anyway.

I do however take issue with the 'night off' idea, being a parent isn't a job and it supports the misogynistic idea that childcare is a 'womans job' and she should not expect the man to be part of it. It's the same as when people say dad is 'babysitting', he is in fact just parenting his own children.

My own dc love a sleepover at grannies house, and my mum loves having them. She plans her annual leave around school holidays and takes one or both for a few days or even a week at a time (she might be rethinking that with the toddlers current boundary pushing phase 😳). No one has ever commented, to my face, other than wishing their own dp were as involved.

If I want a night out, weekend away or whatever I tell dh and we agree a convenient day around dc clubs/plans and he is perfectly capable of parenting our shared dc for whatever period of time, just as I am when he goes out. If he wasn't capable I wouldn't have married or had dc with him. Men who 'can't' care for their own children* are pathetic and I don't understand why any woman procreates with them.

*in the case of ineptitude, not disability before the whataboutery jumps on it

Rainbowbaby13 · 27/06/2022 10:55

My son was a month old the first time me and my husband left him with my mum and dad for a sleepover. We had a great time out and my mum and dad love him to bits and I never even questioned whether we should do it or not my mum and dad raised my brother and I fine they know what there doing and quite honestly I couldn't give a monkeys what people thought about it he has stayed there once a month since then and my husband and I get some much enjoyed alone time

Rosehugger · 27/06/2022 11:22

I went on a hen night and drank alcohol when DD1 was six weeks old. I was BF and spent ages preparing for it, making sure I could express enough milk, that DD would take a bottle, that she would take one from DH etc.

Then I expressed any milk that might have a trace of alcohol in and threw it away. I think I even did this in the loo on the night - I remember wearing breast pads anyway - in a fitted strapless top!😆

It was a great night, but I can't believe I managed it now. The things you do when you are young- I was 29 then.