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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think mums are entitled to nights off

88 replies

Areyoumine · 27/06/2022 10:01

So I have been on 2 boozy nights since my son was born 2 years ago, I keep seeing threads of women that say they wouldn’t do that. As long as my son is being taken care of when I go out with DH, is there really a problem with getting a bit drunk (would never come home drunk to them)

OP posts:
Rosehugger · 27/06/2022 11:25

I didn't leave her overnight until she was 9 months old though and I had stopped breastfeeding altogether. DH was great though I did have to leave him her "schedule" as I was on mat leave and he wouldn't have been as familiar with it.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 27/06/2022 11:28

I agree with a PP. The only posts have seen are about being leaving young babies over night or for holidays.

WeAllHaveWings · 27/06/2022 11:50

Entitled means deserving of some sort of special treatment or privilege.

Going for a night out is not entitled, it is just going for a night out 🤷‍♀️

10HailMarys · 27/06/2022 11:56

Oh, Mumsnet can be really bloody weird about alcohol, OP.

It's fine for parents to have nights out and it's fine to get a bit drunk now and again. Obviously nobody should be trying to care for a baby while hammered, but that's clearly not what you're doing. It's all good. Parents are allowed to enjoy themselves and they are allowed to enjoy themselves without their kids.

adorablecat · 27/06/2022 12:02

For some reason I read the title as 'nuns are entitled to nights off' and was expecting a slightly different thread. But yes, everyone should have a night off now and then. It is very good for morale. And the original meaning of 'entitled' is simply 'having the right to something'.

DontLikeCoffee · 27/06/2022 12:02

I have friends and I like to socialise with them occasionally. Why would that change because I have children.

FilePhoto · 27/06/2022 12:08

My (dads) family told me I was "weird and possessive" because I didn't leave DC overnight more often.
My (now ex) in-laws told me I was "cruel and uncaring" for ever leaving them overnight.
Seems you can't ever do right as a mum.

Original poster
Areyoumine · 27/06/2022 12:10

I absolutely hate the fact that we get judged regardless, it is just not on!

OP posts:
Powp0w · 27/06/2022 12:14

I am well aware people get judged for it but honestly fuck them. What does it matter so long as your child is looked after?

I am extremely fortunate that I have parents who absolutely adore having my 1 year old to sleep over (if they don't have him for a few weeks they'll start asking me when they can!). He's 18 months and I've been on loads of nights out, all very boozy, all very late and he's enjoyed a lovely sleepover with his grandparents. Win win.

I've even had some occasions where I've done it two weekends in a row because events / occasions happened to fall that way! Dun Dun Dunnnnnnn 🤣

MsSquiz · 27/06/2022 12:16

I didn't have a night off or away from dd1 until she was 23 months old, but that was thanks to lockdowns! In the end, DH packed me off to a hotel for a decent night's sleep after dinner and drinks with friends (20 mins drive from home!) I was pregnant with dd2 and crazy tired!

With dd2 she was bang on 5 weeks old when I had my first night out!

Ignore anyone who judges you!

mamabeeboo · 27/06/2022 13:00

Nothing to be judged or ashamed of. You're a mum, you're also you, a person, who has their own friends, wants to socialise and have fun. Nothing wrong with that.

We have 18mo DS. DH and I go out once a month, leave DS with one of our parents. I have been on several nights out, including a long weekend hen party when DS was 9mo, totally fine.

Original poster
Areyoumine · 27/06/2022 14:02

I think some mums like the fact that they are Martyr’s and put others down.

OP posts:
Passthetena · 27/06/2022 14:25

@Areyoumine agreed. And that's fine if that's what they want to do but it's when they start making others feel bad about what they do that it's shit. Take comfort in knowing you're a much more rounded and probably more pleasant person and you get to actually live your life alongside being a great parent.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/06/2022 14:29

5128gap · 27/06/2022 10:38

Theres no such thing as a baby who will only settle for mom. Babies become accustomed to settling for other people when mom is unavailable, as they should. Total reliance on one carer isn't a good thing if there are other options.

Show quote history

Sorry I meant some babies only settle for their Mom (likely due to a lack of anyone else doing it!!) and therefore those people can be a bit judge because they extrapolate that to mean other babies won't settle for other people too

ShirleyPhallus · 27/06/2022 14:32

if anyone judges you for this they’re not your friend

as an aside, I can’t believe even on this thread how many people say their baby “won’t settle” for the dad. Of course the baby will, stop being a martyr.

SaveTheSharks · 27/06/2022 17:05

5128gap · 27/06/2022 10:38

Theres no such thing as a baby who will only settle for mom. Babies become accustomed to settling for other people when mom is unavailable, as they should. Total reliance on one carer isn't a good thing if there are other options.

Show quote history

This is such a judgemental post, the absolute antithesis of the post of this thread.

just because YOU haven’t had a baby who will settle for other people, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. My son won’t. And I mean won’t. He will cry until he is sick without me and will not sleep.

you haven’t met every single baby that’s ever existed, so there’s no need for such a blanket and judgmental post @5128gap

waveyourpompoms · 27/06/2022 17:12

You certainly have a chip on your shoulder about this.

I wouldn’t do it as I wouldn’t want to leave my child just to go off and get drunk.

However we do occasionally go out and go to the theatre or an event.

BiscoffSundae · 27/06/2022 17:14

No one lets me have a night off haven’t had a night off in 5 years so I’m not sure “entitled” is the right word! But the only time I would say I wouldn’t do it is when I see people leaving newborns personally no I wouldn’t leave a young baby but I wouldn’t judge someone else for it

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 27/06/2022 17:18

Your life don’t stop just because you have children but I’m also of the mind Childrens lives come first, as long as your children are happy, well and safe and have attention and meaningful time with parents go out as much as you want, it’s your families lives not anybody else’s.

Original poster
Areyoumine · 27/06/2022 17:29

@waveyourpompoms is it about just leaving to just get drunk? I didn’t leave to get drunk, I went to a party and had drinks? Didn’t ship my children off to sit in the house and get shitfaced?

OP posts:
DockOTheBay · 27/06/2022 17:31

Of course you're entitled to time off and to go out if that's what you want. Equally, women who feel they aren't ready or don't want to leave their babies are entitled to that too. Nobody judges on either side in my experience

MajorCarolDanvers · 27/06/2022 17:31

Whilst there are plenty of virtue-signalling martyrs on the internet in real life mums have nights off.

And I had way more than 2 nights off in the first 2 years of my children's lives.

SlashBeef · 27/06/2022 17:35

I think it's jealousy a lot of the time. They either have useless husbands who don't do their share of the childcare or they martyr themselves into feeling that it's never ok to be away from their kids.
Now I've finished breastfeeding I have nights out often. Still get up with my family in the mornings and do all the mum stuff and I'm a better mum when I've had a break and let loose a bit with my friends.

waveyourpompoms · 27/06/2022 17:37

Areyoumine · 27/06/2022 17:29

@waveyourpompoms is it about just leaving to just get drunk? I didn’t leave to get drunk, I went to a party and had drinks? Didn’t ship my children off to sit in the house and get shitfaced?

If you say so.

Original poster
Areyoumine · 27/06/2022 17:42

@waveyourpompoms well I wouldn’t leave my kids to go to the theatre 🙄

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