To think mums are entitled to nights off

[Areyoumine]

So I have been on 2 boozy nights since my son was born 2 years ago, I keep seeing threads of women that say they wouldn’t do that. As long as my son is being taken care of when I go out with DH, is there really a problem with getting a bit drunk (would never come home drunk to them)

I did late (midnight finish) and night shifts at work from my DD was 8 months old. She never really settled properly for DH until she was well into toddlerhood. It happens!

It's all very odd to me, I went back to work when DC1 was 2 months old, it wasn't unusual to do this 25 years ago. I did FF (by choice). DH and I both cared for our DC from birth, sharing the good and bad bits, that meant either of us could go out on our own whenever we wanted. We also went out together from time to time and either DP or DPIL had DC to stay for the night.

I mean I wouldn’t say entitled because if you were a single parent with no family you wouldn’t just automatically get one? But not judgement here, mine started going to my mums quite young for sleepovers but I have friends who’ve never spent a night away from their 10 year olds… it really really doesn’t matter. And if it matters to someone, they’re really not worth wasting time on

not All mums get a night off I’m a single mum with an absent ex and no family so no not all mums get nights off 😣 doesn’t make me a “martyr” though it’s not a choice

What I don’t understand is the PP that said I left my kids to get drunk! Is going to a party not an event? Really confused by this.

The main reason I wouldn't get drunk is being hungover next morning when the kids are up at 6am demanding I play PlayDoh or make pancakes and Dh is all "well you had a night off I want a lie in..."

I don't think i have ever judged a mum for having a night off though. I hope I haven't.

i left my DS with my parents overnight from about 18mo, and had parents over to babysit once i had DD (we co-slept) or left them with now ExDH if i wanted to go to the pub to see a band/spend time with friends.. but both mine were bottle fed.

btw, i didn't drink while co-sleeping.. DD was in her own bed after 2yo.

Another person who hasn’t met every single baby in the world. My son won’t. He screams until he’s sick and won’t sleep. Stop being so judgmental and bitchy about things you don’t understand. Give other mothers a break, you’re expecting them to not judge you yet here you are with this shit.

Theres no martyrdom. I’d love a night off, which is why I said earlier I’m saving up to really treat myself when it happens. Take your judgement and go elsewhere @ShirleyPhallus. just because YOU aren’t in a situation doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist for other people.

I don't need to have met every single baby to know that not every single baby can have mum settle them. She may be at work, she may be ill, dealing with an emergency, needing a break, have other DC, yet somehow the baby settles. It might take a while, but it happens. Your son would sleep eventually. You may choose not to require him to, and that's entirely up to you. But there's no need to perpetuate the myth that some women have to be tied to their baby ie, not go out, when there are other capable adults around.

@SaveTheSharks if its any consolation, i completely understand.

My DS ended up being diagnosed with Autism, and from the age of 3 to 12, the only person he would allow to put him to bed was me, or occasionally my mum as she was the only substitute allowed (we spent a lot of time with her day to day) I actually had to give up my evening weekend work because of it... he would not settle for his dad at all, ever.

In the end i would put him to bed at 7, then go out for a few hours, with my phone on me at all times in case of emergency.

Sorry but this just isn’t true, if you HAD to then he would absolutely settle for someone else. What if you were ill, in hospital, had to work etc etc.

I also wonder how one gets in to this position of the dad not ever being hands on enough to let the child settle with him.

I say this exactly because mothers should have a break, not excuse the dads for being piss poor at their support because they say the baby will never ever settle for anyone else.

Some babies won't. For example a baby who is breastfed to sleep at night and doesn't drink from a bottle, would probably struggle to get to sleep if their Mum wasn't there. They would probably get to sleep eventually through sheer exhaustion but it wouldn't be much fun at all for the caregiver or the baby.

Yes I agree, they would settle eventually, you are choosing not to and that’s ok.

My son would prefer DH or I to put him to bed but we won’t always be there, it is good for our situation that he forms bonds with other people. We did the same with my eldest and she is such a confident, happy little girl.

@5128gap and @ShirleyPhallus you’re both perpetuating the myth that mothers whose children don’t go to sleep for anyone else either choose that or are fucking martyrs - were not. This isn’t my choice. You think I’m not exhausted? Don’t want a break? You think I haven’t tried? You don’t think my husband would love to settle his son when he sees him as they’ve spent so much time apart during their lives due to living in different countries?

“Oh all my children will and have therefore all of yours just be the same”. Guess what? All children are different, all situations are different. You don’t get to tell me and the other mothers on this thread that we’re martyrs because our children don’t ‘perform’ like yours have. You’re lucky, very lucky. Accept that and accept that you don’t get to judge other women.

And for whoever called us jealous? Yup, I am jealous. Congratulations.

Honestly, the women in this thread who are supporting the OP saying how they’d never judge another woman who goes out, then happily judge those of us who cant. And I don’t brag about it, ever. Few people know. Because it’s no one else’s business but mine and my husbands.

It will happen for us one day, which is why I said I’m saving up to treat myself to a night away alone. And I can’t wait.

No @Areyoumine, we are not ‘choosing not to’. Seriously, you’re complaining about other peoples judging you and then you judge mothers like me. Nice.

Sorry where did I judge? I said you are choosing not to and that is fine!

My son was a complete nightmare to get to sleep, my parents just keep him up until he crashes as there is no way they would settle him.

@StationaryMagpie thank you. That sounds really tough for you, and your DH. It’s insane to me that people just put it down to martyrdom or lazy parenting on a father’s part, when situations differ so much and everyone is individual. I hope you get to enjoy your evenings to yourself now!

@Areyoumine you’re judging by maintaining that this is a choice when I have said repeatedly that it isn’t. I am not a martyr. I am not a gatekeeper. This isn’t a choice.

No, judging would mean I was saying it was wrong? I haven’t said that? I don’t believe it is either. If you weren’t there they would survive, it is a choice.

It wasn't my choice as I don't drink, but absolutely nothing wrong with it.
It really shouldn't even be a talking point nor do I think it is in RL, especially at 2 blooming years old, maybe 2 days or 2 weeks, but even then, you do you.

Snap except 10w hen do. Hadn't drunk for well over a year as wasn't drinking whilst trying for baby either. It was a car crash experience of returning to drinking even though I drank way less than everyone there. I did humble apologies to husband for lack of sympathies over hangovers as i had forgotten what they were. Baby and me survived. No one said anything. Wasn't bothered by anyone judging me as I knew I'd expressed enough milk and didn't bf feed again till it was safe to do so.

No, it isn’t a choice. That’s like saying it’s a choice that you decide to give your child food and not let them go hungry for a whole day. I mean, they wouldn’t starve, they’d get over it right?

There are things you do for your children that wouldn’t be your choice but you have to.

How on earth is that even remotely the same? Without food my child would starve, you can’t die from being sad your mum isn’t there.