What have been the positives of having a child for you?

[Icantgiveupcarbs]

I'm well aware of the downsides, in terms of finances, sleep, free time, work. Etc. And they put me off the thought of having a child.
However there is still a part of me that would love a family, and I think my partner would too eventually.
I am 31 now, and would love to hear how having a child/children has enhanced your life.

On a personal level (aside from the absolute magic that is DD), becoming a mother has given me an instant connection with other women that I have found very hard to come by until now. It's beautiful.

It’s like an ah ha moment, oh this is what it’s all about. You love them so fiercely. And also they are very funny.

For me, there was no resentment about “giving up my life” which is a frequent complaint from new parents, mainly because I had established my career and travelled widely so I didn’t feel I was missing out on anything.

It’s lovely to be closely related to someone and share that experience of life as a parent and child.

They teach you a lot. Children see good in people and are not sullied by class wars or snobbery or any ‘isms. I remember one of my happiest childhood memories was being allowed to eat my lunch with the man who came to clean the streets! He would chat to me and I thought of him as my friend. My son did much the same with a neighbour who I had avoided, developed a very big friendship with him, an old guy, and he became a special part of our lives.

This is a wonderful thread. I'm 4 months pregnant after years and years of ivf and loss and I'm really struggling with the anxiety of pregnancy and the physical toll.
It seems like yet more pointless suffering because it doesn't seem real that there is an actual baby in there.
But you're all giving me hope that it's worth it. Thank you MN.

Mine are both at school and growing fast now. They're just brilliant. Watching them grow and learn is amazing. They're finding the things that make them tick and becoming the early versions of they people they'll always be.

I really love having them around to talk to to and do things with. Yes, parenting them can be hard. But it's also wonderful.

Mine are 16 and 22. The best thing about parenthood is bringing smart decent intelligent compassionate human beings into the world. And it's a love like no other on earth.

Yes I love them to bits but on a pratical level;

1. You become more organised, less selfish and more patient
2. They keep you young (attitudes music, politics)
3. Being a parent is a good (maybe the best) reason to look after your health, stay fit, limit booze intake.

We are mid forties and our childless peers appear older, more stuck in their ways, drink more and take more drugs than those with children.

If you go away a lot and are quite physically active, or have ambitions career wise, having a young child (or especially more than one) is quite claustrophobic.

I have two DC, both primary school age, and since having them I’ve progressed in my career and travelled a lot for work, run marathons (so lots of training and long runs) and taken up a whole new sport too. It doesn’t have to be claustrophobic if you have a partner who will genuinely split everything 50/50 which my DH does. I’m knackered a lot of the time and have to plan well but it works and I get the pure joy and amazing love that my two DC have brought me!

When they get too big and cool to hold your hand in public but sometimes they still do it when they know nobody is watching ☺️

It is definitely worth it and you are not alone in wondering if you really do have a baby inside, I felt like that too.

Just a thought, do you have good support? While it’s hugely exciting to be having a baby, friends who have endured setbacks in their journey to parenthood have also found themselves dealing with some grief when the baby is born. Not to frighten you but just to be aware that it is an emotional experience that may trigger release of a lot of grief as well as joy. In any case it’s normal to cry a lot when the baby is little - mother and baby!!
Congratulations on your pregnancy and very best wishes for the safe arrival of your precious baby.

Being able to bury my nose in his soft little neck and kiss his peachy little cheeks.

That laugh. ❤

The way he clings to me like a little koala when he's sad because only a cuddle from his mummy will do.

I laugh and am conscious of overwhelming love every day.

When you teach them new things, it's the best feeling in the world seeing their little face light up once they get it.

They might be challenging, but my boys make me laugh every single day

I'm away with my grown up daughter right now. We had dinner together last and then snuggled up in our shared hotel bed for the night. We are like peas in a pod.

We chat, we cook together, we laugh, go to the theatre, drink wine, she's utterly fabulous. And I grew her from a seed. Amazing, awe inspiring and the best thing I've ever done.

You can't ever understand how much you love your kids until you experience it for yourself. It's a depth of connection and emotion that no one can properly explain or prepare you for. But it's wonderful. Hard work at times but worth it in spades.

Mine are a lot of fun. DH doesn't like being in the sea. DC adore big waves and bodyboarding so I can go in and play with them for hours.

DH has a lot of fun playing table tennis and wrestling with the DC.

We all enjoy playing cards, going cycling/canyoning/canoeing etc etc. They're 8 and 10

A slightly different perspective from me.

I didn’t have this enormous rush of love at birth that others talk of. Sure, I was pleased to meet DC and loved them, but it wasn’t this love at first sight things other describe. There’s reasons why, I do understand it, but just wanted it out there that not everyone gets that.

also, my life did not suddenly gain purpose when I had a mother, I didn’t have an epiphany of what life or love meant. I had purpose before.

for me, having my DC brings a whole different dimension to my character and my life. I love them unconditionally and I really like sharing things with them. I love travelling with DC. I adore exploring lakes in the alps, showing them the 1000s of steps in a Buddhist temple, explaining the big libraries in universities, discussing their interests and teaching them of mine. I like sharing experiences with them, and watching and supporting the person they are developing into.

My DC are now 17 and 19. The very happiest moments of my life have included them. My very best memories.
And DH and I had a great life and travelled a fair bit for ten years beforehand.

DS gave me a lot of stability and a routine that acted as an anchor (in a positive way) for many years. He also gave me many goals and challenges.

The baby stage flies past but, I can assure you it just gets better and better. I loved singing in the car when DS was 3 as much as I love walking around in museums with him discussing Impressionism.

But you need to be aware that nothing would make you happier or more miserable than having children, you celebrate with them as you go through the nice things with them, you suffer every disappointment they go through more than them.

Watching their sense of humour develop. From when they're babies just smiling and they do the cute little baby giggles when you tickle their toes or do peek-a-boo to when they're older and start to understand and enjoy more developed jokes. And it's a shock when you realise how much is going on in their little heads and they start asking some very awkward questions!

@AliceAbsolum I totally identify with what you've said - all through my pregnancy I fully expected another loss; didn't think for one second that I would have a live baby at the end of it all. And I echo a PP who said that when you do finally have your baby in your arms, it's overwhelming - and not necessary in a totally positive way. I struggled and felt a lot of guilt when I found myself feeling frightened, tired etc. because I felt that I should have been happy every second of the day! Support is key - someone to talk to and be honest with about how you're feeling

I get loads more done at work because I really understand the value of my time and attention in a way I didn’t before, and I have no spare energy for other people’s bullshit/stuff that doesn’t matter.

Birth nearly killed us both: the knowledge that my body is capable of astonishing survival has profoundly shifted how I see and appreciate it. I believe in my resilience.

Watching my partner become a father and co-parent has been a privilege. We’ve grown individually and together and I feel a really strong sense of being a team. We each work part time and do childcare part time and I love that he wants to work it that way, and that we both ‘get’ the challenges of both paid work and parenting (and our kid will think it’s normal that both parents can and want to do both).

I loved having a newborn and watching the concept of selfhood become laughably irrelevant. Have never experienced such clarity about what I am, what I’m for. All my internal fretting about whether I’m valuable stopped entirely - it was so obvious that I was useful and good. (Not everyone has this. I am quite an anxious overthinker and it was just a total relief. Things felt simple and clear.)

My kid is really funny, surprises me daily, and I just like spending time with him.

Ahhh I was the same, never a ‘child person’ and valued sleep too much but my goodness. I would sit up all night with my little girl if and when i need to quite happily! She’s just wonderful, I love watching her grow and see the world and she’s so innocent and happy it’s just lovely to watch. Even when I’m tearing my hair out I never ever stop thinking how lucky I am to have her, it’s honestly the best thing I’ve ever done xx

Fun, my kids are still making me laugh all the time and they are adults. They are great company.

My daughter sleeps 12hrs a night and does nap during the day..
So don't always listen to people saying you'll never sleep again after about 4-6 she slept all the way through 😊
And money well you learn to live with in your means
If you have a big social life then maybe you change that.
My baby is the best thing to ever happen to me honestly I love being a mummy 😍

It sounds really cheesy but I fell in love with my babies the moment they were born and I've never stopped.

I've suffered from depression for over a decade and having my children means I have to get up and not wallow. It's bloody hard sometimes but I feel so much better for it.

Regarding sleep, both of mine have slept well since around 6 months. Although DD2 decided to have a party in her cot 12-3 last night 😂.

Money can be tight, especially lately however just a walk to the park makes my youngest light up.

I am a SAHM and feel very blessed to be able to stay at home and watch them grow.