To feel absolute shame for those who are oblivious to their rudeness

[Whatthebarnacles]

At cinema.

Woman right next to me on her phone constantly. Even puts her foot up on her seat. I'd say she was in late 30s, early 40s - so not a kid.

I had to move about an hour into the film, aside from being annoying AF she was making me die inside. I was cringing for her!

She had kids and partner with her. Kids were 100% well behaved, but she was like some sort of unaware teenager too engrossed in instagram to notice that everyone was getting pissed off at her neon blue screen lighting the corner of the entire room.

I got up and moved to the other side of my husband to get away from it and she looked up and stared at me as if I was the rude one. Husband apparently just stared back whilst I was taking my seat and she gave up and went back to the phone.

Honestly I'm mortified. For her! Imagine being so completely unaware of your own rude behaviour 🙈 If you didn't want to see the movie, why go?

And before anyone say IABU because "you didn't tell her straight" or whatever other MNetty thing i "should have done" ...

a) I'm not her mother and b) I just wanted to watch the damn film without getting blinded in the corner of my eye or have someone's shoe an arms length away from my face. Literally, if I'd have straightened my arm, I'd have touched it.

Yabu - people have the right to do what they want, wherever they may be.

Yanbu - there's a time and a place, and for those who are oblivious of their rudeness, yes I cringe.

13 votes.
11 say yanbu
2 say yabu... would love to have heard why 🤔 , genuinely.

I wouldn't cringe, die of shame and other dramatics over someone I don't even know or care about. Sure I would be annoyed, but don't relate to the feelings you have.

I went to the cinema last week, it was a rare treat. A family came in with around 6 kids. Two of which were under 5. They spent the whole film running up and down, changing seats, shouting and honestly it completely ruined the film for me and my family.

The movie was a 12A so children are allowed in with an adult but it wasn't a film that young ones would even be interested in.
The parents once or twice loudly told the kids to sit down but on the whole just ignored their behaviour. The cinema was really quiet and other than us there was only another couple in the room so it was like a free for all for them.

I complained when we left and we got free tickets. I'm not anti kid at all by the way but it totally ruined our time out. They also were playing on tablets with the volume on as well!!

To answer your question YANBU some people are either oblivious or just down right rude!

why the fuck are you 'feeling shame' and 'Honestly - mortified' for other people??

She didn't give a shit - so either tell her how you felt she was being rude, move or get over it

Quite. The other lady was rude but the op sounds like one heck of a drama queen.

Your reaction seems entirely very extreme. Yes she sounds ignorant but to be mortified and all the rest of it is just a bit much.

I hate people like that, 3 times I've had to tell people to shut up because they were talking, and 3 times the people I've been with have squirmed in their seats for 'Me' kicking up a fuss 😂 but they were glad I did in the end, and others around too. I always think the same. Once was when we went to 4DX, the tickets aren't cheap, and I just couldn't understand why they'd paid so much money to sit and talk as if they were out having dinner.

I voted YABU because you sound like you were making a fuss tbh. I agree it’s annoying but we’re you really being disturbed so much by a phone? Concentrate on the film youve paid to see then you wouldn’t have to look at your neighbour

Yanbu some people are just rude

Why are you feeling "shame" for how others behave? That's a weird reaction. They don't give a shit, clearly. Seems a waste of your energy.

I understand you feeling like that OP, it makes me feel embarrassed but I can't explain why!

She was rude and inconsiderate but you’re being a drama llama. Wanting to
die of shame/mortified on her behalf? It’s a bit of an overreaction.

You are being unreasonable due to your hyperbole about shame, mortification and cringing. How ridiculous.

Say something, even if after the film. You can even dress it up that someone else might be more blunt.

Rude and entitled people are more likely to continue if not challenged. The ideal would be for people like the one the OP describes to be banned from the cinema for a period of time, but almost impossible to enforce.

There have always been people like that. The difference today is that they’re not ashamed of it. The old class system has gone. It had its faults, but at least it shamed people into behaving well. No one wanted to be thought ‘common’ or ‘low class’ and so they kept their voices down and kept their children in line. Today, all that matters is money. Being well-mannered won’t get you anywhere in cut-throat, free-market, Americanised Britain. Aggression, greed, self-assertion are what you need. In fact, some people seem almost proud when their kids are rude and obnoxious - a kind of ‘you go girl’ attitude.

YABU to be 'cringing for her' rather than just being pissed off at her. Why would you feel bad for her? She's obviously perfectly happy to behave like a selfish arse.

Your reaction is unreasonably strong and a bit unnecessary. Which is why I say YABU

Christ. Imagine spending that much money on a cinema trip only to stay on your phone the entire time

TBH, I would have gotten an usher

I had to go and get one once because a bunch of kids where messing around in the cinema. Getting up and down, laughing loudly and just plain messing about. No parents were with them

They soon stopped when the usher intervened

It’s mildly irritating.

I went to the cinema on Friday to see light year with my nephew.

next to us was a grandfather with two very small children. The children talked all though the film - which is to be expected. But the grandfather also talked to them - as if he was in this living room. Full volume.

he had a whole conversation with his granddaughter (about three) about how she was clearly too young to be at the cinema because she was bored and how next time he would leave her at home.

I felt like saying g there is one person here who can’t behave and it isn’t the child😂😂

Phone wouldn’t have bothered me but if her foot was on my seat I’d have knocked it off whilst passive aggressively expressing surprise it was there.

I had someone try and queue jump me yesterday, I called him out on it, he walked away, I’m too old to not say anything anymore.

I'd get up and tell the staff. Can't abide that in cinema.

I always wait till film been out ages and book a quiet screen if I really want to see something on the big screen

YANBU about her behaviour but your reaction is extreme. You can take empathy too far.

It's all very well saying you're not her mother, but you should have said something! And then gone to get an usher if she didn't keep her phone off. You could at least have enjoyed some of the film then, instead of huffing about.

I agree with this. It's almost a badge of honour to be rude.

Inconveniencing others, spoiling other people's activities, is not asserting yourself or living your authentic life, it's just bloody rude.

If you really can't sit through a performance of two hours, then at least sit at the back and mindlessly scroll at another screen. If you need to talk because you can't watch a film without doing so, then just stream films at home.

And before anyone says that people who want to just watch the film should watch it at home, that's not how the cinemas are set up. They all ask you to finish your conversations and put away your phones before the film starts. Also there are baby performances for those who are less bothered about being disturbed.