To feel absolute shame for those who are oblivious to their rudeness

[Whatthebarnacles]

At cinema.

Woman right next to me on her phone constantly. Even puts her foot up on her seat. I'd say she was in late 30s, early 40s - so not a kid.

I had to move about an hour into the film, aside from being annoying AF she was making me die inside. I was cringing for her!

She had kids and partner with her. Kids were 100% well behaved, but she was like some sort of unaware teenager too engrossed in instagram to notice that everyone was getting pissed off at her neon blue screen lighting the corner of the entire room.

I got up and moved to the other side of my husband to get away from it and she looked up and stared at me as if I was the rude one. Husband apparently just stared back whilst I was taking my seat and she gave up and went back to the phone.

Honestly I'm mortified. For her! Imagine being so completely unaware of your own rude behaviour 🙈 If you didn't want to see the movie, why go?

And before anyone say IABU because "you didn't tell her straight" or whatever other MNetty thing i "should have done" ...

a) I'm not her mother and b) I just wanted to watch the damn film without getting blinded in the corner of my eye or have someone's shoe an arms length away from my face. Literally, if I'd have straightened my arm, I'd have touched it.

Yabu - people have the right to do what they want, wherever they may be.

Yanbu - there's a time and a place, and for those who are oblivious of their rudeness, yes I cringe.

@AmaryIlis we didn't complain at the time because to start with we were sympathetic to the parents there with the kids - we've all been there. By the nearly the end of the film there was no point in complaining because it was just ruined and we did that typically British thing of not complaining.

The behaviour of the children though was awful the Dad who was the only one to actually tell them to sit down the odd time seemed defeated in the end and just ignored them like he was sat in his living room at home.

The manager was a very young girl and even if we had gone to get her I don't think she'd have had any effect on the parents or been able to get them to leave. My two are teens and they said at the end they've never been to the cinema before and had to sit through behaviour like that.

I would just ask someone to switch off their phone in the cinema. I think people are unaware how annoying it is to other viewers

@ThinkAboutItTomorrow when your eyes have adjusted to the dark it is really noticeable and distracting when someone turns their phone on. When I went to see Trainspotting 2, at the tensest point in the whole film the man directly in front of me pulled out his phone to scroll through his messages, it really spoilt the moment 😒

It's really annoying and that's why people are asked to properly turn off their phones, at least one of the cinemas explicitly mentions the brightness of screens in their little reminder. I've noticed recently that some people have just started turning down their screen brightness when this message gets shown though.

🤣 fair enough. And if you'd have read the whole thing, I did move. 😉

My rea rion was to get up and move. Not too sure this was extreme, as you put it. But thanks so much for the feedback. It's all been interesting to read

Whoops, the above comment was for you. With a typo. Should have said reaction

I think when it's so dark in the room and you have a bright blue glow in your vision it feels like the beginning of a migraine, you know when you get that blurred/loss of sight from looking forwards. Wouldn't have bothered me if it was several seats away but to be right next to me it was irritating. thanks for your comment :)

Quite.
Similarly, why waste my energy speaking to her / calling an usher etc.
Fascinating seeing everyone's comments, thanks.

Thanks everyone.
Just to make a couple of points.

I'd have thought making a scene / getting up and complaining / confronting her etc was being more of a drama queen than simply getting up and moving, but there we are. Interesting to see people's views.

Yeah, I do cringe. Rude behaviour makes me embarrassed for the other person. I think myself lucky that i don't behave in that manner and it makes me realise how well I've brought my eldest son up in that he would never do something so shameful. When I say shameful, perhaps the wording reflects how I was taught: "you should be ashamed, being so rude."

But.. I'd rather cringe and move than get angry or pissy with them, that's not worth the energy IMO.

Thanks everyone. Been a fascinating read!

How can you be oblivious to it? It is a bit like someone flashing a torch around the room.

The problem is that you're now wasting energy, time and emotions on someone who won't remember you. And you'll do this next time it happens too, and on and on.
If you had told the staff, then she would have been told to put her phone away and perhaps realised that she was being inconsiderate. But that would have stopped the problem and you could have gotten on with your day without investing in a Mumsnet thread

Lol blinded.

Nope, I'm not.

I have no emotion to that person whatsoever right now, and i didnt when i wrote this thread... It was at the time.

And this thread is an investment of my time to understand how others feel about it. A conversational point whilst happily getting on with the rest of my weekend.

I'm not some unhinged woman stewing over it 🤭 I really think you're reading too much into how you "think" I've reacted.

I completely agree with you - and the people on here telling you you’re a drama lama are just as rude. I don’t want to have to face up to rude people when I pay money to go out - it’s because most of us are decent that they get off with shit behaviour. If you want to vent about it on here go ahead.

Im tired of ill mannered people feeling free to behave however they feel. If we were all like that it would be carnage - yet heaven help if we have the nerve to complain. Anyone behaving like that isn’t going to be delighted to be asked to stop - it’s very frustrating because more and more it’s accepted that it will just happen and we have to put up with it.

Fair enough OP Cringe away but why let it occupy your mind like this?

@Bunty55 occupy my mind like how? The point of this was literally just to hear people's opinions on how you feel when someone is oblivious to their rudeness. This wasn't an 'experience' that's traumatised me or anything...?

Fair enough. You should have just told her and then enjoyed your film

You do seem traumatized given that you were dying inside, cringing and full of shame?

Sorry but if you don't personally rip this arseholes a new one AND insist to the management that they are thrown out as soon as you notice their transgressions, you are part of the problem. It takes a village.

Next time just tell her.
I probably tell someone off every three times I go to the cinema. Usually it's teenage girls though.

YABU purely because you didn't say anything, just dramatically moved across the room, probably huffing and puffing.

I was in the cinema once and a man was on his phone, the glare was very obvious in peripheral vision. I asked him to turn it down. He was embarrassed, said sorry, turned his phone off, we all watched the film. The end. Nobody died of shame.

Bring back ushers!

We went to see Mamma Mia yesterday at a theatre and I had an older lady sat behind me who talked throughout the show to a child (I'm assuming her grandchild.) She explained everything to them in minute detail 😵‍💫

It was so annoying and ruined a show I'd been looking forward to for three years!!

People are rude and have zero consideration for other people.

The show I went to before that one had a parent in who talked constantly to their child throughout it.

Have people forgotten that it's not okay to talk through shows?!

We had a load of utter weirdo adults behind us once. In their 40s and 50s talked loudly through the film! Dh asked them politely but clearly to be quiet which they were for abit then started up again! Was at the arts cinema too seeing quite a thoughtful type film. Was baffling like they didnt know how to be in a cinema Way worse behaviour than kids and teens at the multiplex.

If you want to have a loud group conversation go to the sodding pub not the cinema!