Wedding nerves and doubts ....

[metrynoo]

I am getting married next month.
To a lovely man,we have been together 18 months now and engaged for 6 months.
Everything is sorted ...then I get this fear.
Aibu to feel like this?
I don't even know why
It's just a massive thing isn't it
Anyone else have these feelings ?

Are you worried its a bit soon? Because its ok to not be ready.

I was with my husband for about 16 years with 2 kids before we got married and I still had a wobble.
I even called off the engagement at one point and didn't tell anyone for ages.

Dont even get me started on the wobble I had when we decided to buy a house 🙄

I know full well we'll be together forever, it's been 23 years. Yet it still seemed too much!

I'm not sure if it's too soon or not tbh
We have known each other 2 years this November so I guess it's not that short space of time.
I don't know if my nerves have kicked in

If you can see yourself with him forever then yes it's probably just nerves. If you have any doubts don't do it. It's a pain to unpick.

If you are nervous and have doubts then just don’t do it.

More people need to realise that marriage is actually a financial contract, it’s not a romantic one at all. You need to realise the considerable financial repercussions of marriage if you split, and the expense of divorce. For the love of god, do not enter into a legal, financial contract with someone you are not sure of! Think this through!

I agree with this.

Are your long term plans aligned?

How do you both deal with finances? Are they conflicts or things that haven't been discussed that should?

When I married DH, I was 100% sure that I was doing the right thing. I hate to think that on my wedding day, I could have been thinking 'erm...'.

Are you having a big wedding?

I didn't have them marrying DH. I knew to my bones this was the right decision and that I wanted to be with him forever. There were no niggles, no fears, no worries at all.

Biggish wedding
It's just when I sit down and think 2 years ago we were strangers -a lot has happened in a short space of time.

Do you think I'm rushing it?

Only you can answer that really. It's not a super fast time frame but there's no rush.

Have you argued and worked it out? I always think that's a good test of a relationship.

I’d been with DH a few years and had a baby together yet I still felt a bit wobbly as it felt such a massive thing however I couldn’t really name my doubts or worries which suggested to me it was just nerves at doing something so big rather than actual doubts

I think it's really fast but every relationship is different.

Do you know he's the one? Do you see him being the father of your children (if that's something in your future)? Do you see him at your side when you're grieving or celebrating? Do you want to grow old with him? Do you see him standing by you for the rest of your life?

I agree with those who say - what they have said about marriage being 'a financial contract'.

Historically it is.

Yes, you can do pre-nups if you need to, but it is about having a practical awareness of what it is you are entering into. I'm sure too many of us have the rose tinted spectacles on and see only the romance. Question being - can you see yourself still with this person when the romance fades? what will you be building together?

No, I had zero doubts, and I had been engaged before and felt doubts, so it’s not just that I’m a decisive person. It’s okay to need more time, you don’t have to plough on if you feel unsure.

I had lots of doubts before my first wedding and we'd be together for almost 8 years. Separated within 2.5 years of marriage and on the rocks for about a year before that. None at all before my second. Still going strong 4 years in and every day is made better by being with him. It might just be a wobble but don't dismiss your gut instinct. I wish I hadn't.

We'd been*

I wouldn't worry about the time, many people get married just as quick. I'd more have a think about do your financial outlooks align, are you both debt averse or happy to spend?

Would you want to go back to work after babies (or if you both want them) and would he support it?

What do you both see as your future in 5-10 years?

How do you split housework and are you both happy with it?

People regret rushing in because they don't discuss these things first or just think they'll be able to change them after marriage, if you're happy with the answers and any others you can think of I'd not be bothered how quickly you get married

I think I'm just unsure as the engagement has been short.
There will be no kids as we are both early 40s

How old are you both? Do you live together?

I think it's very fast to marry but for some people it works out OK. Why the rush?

Do listen to your instincts though, that's important.

I personally think that going from not having met someone, to knowing I wanted to spend the rest of our lives together in 12 months is pretty quick, myself, but you will have people come on here who 'knew' after a very short period of time.

I think some of it depends on your circumstances/ life experience / age / stage of life.
I wouldn't make permanent, life long decisions about people until you've had your first pretty serious difference of opinion about something - very often it isn't disagreeing about something that strains a relationship, but how each of you cope with the disagreement, just as an example.

I would say it depends what kind of person you are.

Are you generally indecisive and do you find it difficult to know what you want in other aspects of life?

If so you will inevitably have doubts about getting married, and may as well just go for it.

If you’re usually more sure about things then maybe you should take these doubts more seriously.

I'm 43

It's now or never I think...not getting any younger ha ha