AIBU to not hide my baby?

[littlefirecar]

This happened a few months ago but I have seen this woman out a few times now and she still makes me really uncomfortable

My baby is now bigger but when she was a couple of months old I was pushing her in her pram and she was enjoying looking around / cooing at things (she had only just moved to a sit up rather than basinet pushchair so was still enjoying the novelty)

All was good until we we crossed the road to a traffic island and were waiting to cross the next road to go on our way.

The lights at this crossing point always seem to take ages so I'm chatting to baby while she is happily cooing and starting to reach out to the stranger standing next to us also waiting to cross (she was very interested in strangers / other people at this stage and still is)

Anyway this woman then turns to me and asks me (pretty abruptly) to pull the hood down so my baby stops staring at her!

I was pretty stunned by this and lights still hadnt changed to cross so I just said 'no she's just being friendly' . She then seems more agitated and says 'you should be more considerate of others, I miscarried and our IVF failed, i don't want to be constantly reminded!'

I didn't really know what to say and felt really awkward but didn't want to pull the hood down on my baby as she doesnt like that so I just turned back to baby and lights changed a few seconds later

Crossed over and continued on our way but since then I have wondered if I dealt with the situation correctly.

I get she obviously had some trauma going on but I felt she was unreasonable and rude to expect me to hide my baby from her

Since then I have seen her around (I guess she must live in my area) but thankfully not stood close again!

WIBU or was she?

Ignore that woman
Your baby is a little person, who you should be talking to and is not an object that belongs to anyone. This woman is nasty to tell you to cover a PERSON - your baby - up so she doesn't have to see them. It's NOHB- SHE can step away , your baby was burbling/ communicating with you. Move round and stand your back to her next time, move the pram away - the woman was unhinged that day.

Many of us have had sad losses and miscarriages. It's not ok to put that onto a stranger

just silly little things about where we were going / where we were probably (can't remember exactly) but not in English so I doubt she could understand

she obviously lives in my area, ive seen her round a lot and honestly i dont think stunned silence was the best possible reaction so I've been kind of nervous about a repeat or similar encounter

Stunned silence is exactly the normal reaction
Don't be nervous - you and your baby did nothing wrong (except breathe and smile apparently) - it's her shit, nothing to do with you. She was unhinged that day.

Hopefully she doesn't usually go around berating new mothers and their babies usually, so I wouldn't worry

If she does start up in you or say anything negative, just loudly ask her to move away and leave you and your child alone. Then step in between baby and her with your back to her. It's the "Mum wall"

Very wise and empathetic words, @Dancingwithhyenas .

@littlefirecar - I don’t think you did anything wrong - she was clearly in a lot of emotional pain.

If you end up meeting her again, I would try to avoid her seeing your baby if possible - to avoid causing her pain again, and to lessen the risk of her snapping at you again - if that makes sense?

It isn’t rational to expect a world with no babies in it - but her pain is making it hard for her to see that, and I’m sure you understand that. Hopefully (for her) the pain will lessen as time goes by - or maybe it doesn’t lessen (I’ve never been in her position, so I apologise if I’ve said the wrong thing) but she will be able to cope better with it.

I can see why OP posted as it’s put her on edge in case she runs into the woman again if she’s seen her about the area.

She was being totally unfair to make you feel bad, and probably to feel guilty, about doing a perfectly normal thing. Chatting to your baby in the street is not performance parenting 🤨

As PP have said, just turn your back on her/steer pram away and ignore next time. I bet she wouldn’t have said that if OP was a man.

No excuse for nasty comments like that to a complete stranger to try to crap on their day. She could have waited at the other side of the road for OP to move on if she couldn’t bear to see a baby.

I say that as someone who found out at 30 weeks that my much wanted 2nd child had a very rare lethal abnormality after trying for her for almost 3 years and almost having given up. She died at birth 2 weeks later. A close friend was due with her 2nd a few weeks after I was but I was very aware of not making her feel awkward around me. What happened to me was bad luck and had nothing to do with her. I couldn’t imagine having said something like that to a complete stranger in the street.

YANBU, as someone who's gone through both infertility and miscarriage this is totally NUTS behaviour do not let it get to you x