AIBU to not hide my baby?

[littlefirecar]

This happened a few months ago but I have seen this woman out a few times now and she still makes me really uncomfortable

My baby is now bigger but when she was a couple of months old I was pushing her in her pram and she was enjoying looking around / cooing at things (she had only just moved to a sit up rather than basinet pushchair so was still enjoying the novelty)

All was good until we we crossed the road to a traffic island and were waiting to cross the next road to go on our way.

The lights at this crossing point always seem to take ages so I'm chatting to baby while she is happily cooing and starting to reach out to the stranger standing next to us also waiting to cross (she was very interested in strangers / other people at this stage and still is)

Anyway this woman then turns to me and asks me (pretty abruptly) to pull the hood down so my baby stops staring at her!

I was pretty stunned by this and lights still hadnt changed to cross so I just said 'no she's just being friendly' . She then seems more agitated and says 'you should be more considerate of others, I miscarried and our IVF failed, i don't want to be constantly reminded!'

I didn't really know what to say and felt really awkward but didn't want to pull the hood down on my baby as she doesnt like that so I just turned back to baby and lights changed a few seconds later

Crossed over and continued on our way but since then I have wondered if I dealt with the situation correctly.

I get she obviously had some trauma going on but I felt she was unreasonable and rude to expect me to hide my baby from her

Since then I have seen her around (I guess she must live in my area) but thankfully not stood close again!

WIBU or was she?

Of all the things that didn’t happen. This didn’t happen the most.

How is this even a serious question?

She didn't ask you to hide your baby. At most she asked for you to put a hood up for a few moments or to stop your baby reaching out to strangers for the time it took to stand on a road island - which takes less than a minute.

She shared something traumatic. You refused to countenance any change or consideration. I would have said I was sorry for her loss and difficulties and positioned myself between her and my baby. It's not hard to treat people like human beings rather than constant combatants. ffs - this place.

No need for a thread on this if indeed it even happened at all.

YABU because this is a stupid thread. This woman (if she exists which I doubt) is in a bad place. Obviously you're not biting your nails wondering if you should hide your baby away.

As someone with PTSD relating to both infertility and then birth trauma and a near loss of my child I recognise this woman's state of mind and behaviour.

The woman is clearly suffering and her behaviour was obviously inappropriate, we can all see that without even being there so not sure what the point of this is other than to perpetuate the 'hysterical woman' stereotype.

I hope she has access to the treatment that she needs, but she probably doesn't because is most areas it isn't accessible unless you have loads of money to pay for private therapy.

YANBU OP and neither was she. People can clash sometimes for no reason other than that they have very different needs and experiences.

Don't think twice about it. I would love a baby to lean out and interact with me. I have to restrain myself from making eye contact with them in public places in case their parents think I'm weird. But that woman has a very different reaction for understandable reasons.

Just put it down to a one-off event and don;t think about it again.

I get where you’re coming from OP, and I’m not sure why so many others think it’s beyond the realms of possibility that a random woman in the street was rude to you and had a go about your baby.

We have no idea what this woman has suffered, but people suffer over things all the time. Infertility isn’t some special excuse to be rude to people. Even much worse events like the loss of a child or partner or diagnosis of a terminal illness don’t make it ok to have a go at someone.

The woman wasn't rude. She asked OP and explained why. OP was letting her baby reach out to strangers which obviously OP finds adorable but in tight spaces - like crossing islands - not everyone will respond well to a baby reaching out to them.

Very advanced, your baby. Able to sit up in a toddler seat AND look around and coo at her surroundings AND reach out to strangers at a couple of months old. Quite remarkable.

Of course she was rude! You don’t go about expecting babies not to look at people or hold their arms up!

What does ‘reaching out’ even mean when it comes to a baby in a pushchair whose arms aren’t long enough to reach anything unless it’s right next to them?

If OP had adoringly allowed a toddler to go up to a stranger and hang on to their clothes then you might have a point, but the baby was strapped in a pushchair.

YANBU. I miscarried whilst my 2 best friends where pregnant, albeit difficult, would never ever behave that way. X

The poor woman was probably having a bad day.

I had two losses and 10 IVFs before finally having my lovely twins. I had good and bad days, but never would have said what she did (but understand she must have been in a very bad space to say it).

about 5 or 6 months old (one of her first outings out in the bigger pram)

Also i don't get all these people who are acting like I was asking if I should cover her up ALL the time - ofc not! I was asking if there was a better way of addressing what she said orher than shocked silence or if I should have covered her while standing next to that woman (or if I get caught next to her again as she obviously lives in my neighborhood)

For God sake 🙄she could have ignored the baby, moved away, turned away from the baby... There are a lot things the adult woman could have done there without involving OP and her baby.
As soon as someone mentions that they are a victim of something or similar, everyone else is expected to fall over themselves to make the person live better. This kind of thinking seems to be infecting a lot of things in the society. It's getting ridiculous.

I wouldn't say I was performance parenting but I was talking to baby (not in English ) and baby was making noises and reaching out

By the way what is with the people who think just because they wouldn't do / say something it means that noone else would?

Yes it was an unusual thing to happen, and not something I think the average person would do but that's why it affected me and still makes me feel awkward when i see her :/

By the way what is with the people who think just because they wouldn't do / say something it means that noone else would?

Its because you’ve created your first ever thread with this username, posting a goady thread in AIBU on a Saturday morning, with an ugly nature that has generated a load of ugly responses. And more often than not these threads turn out to be previously banned posters or trolls. That may not be the case with you, I have no idea, but it’s certainly why some people think it didn’t happen. The woman was rude once, and you are still worrying about wether you need to hide your baby if you bump into her again, the answer is no, let it go OP!

Bloody people! Yes she's had difficulties but the world doesn't revolve around her!
You carry on, your child will grow and learn about the world correctly. Any negative interference needs to be quashed with a 'sorry you've had issues but maybe take yourself away from this situation if you're uncomfortable' ... you don't have to let anyone else trump you and your child's place in the world

It's not about empathy. It's about expecting the rest of the world to fall in line with how you're feeling, which is unreasonable.

YANBU.
A baby is a human.
Would it be acceptable to hide any other human because someone else for whatever reason had issues?

If she REALLY didn’t want to be near a baby why didn’t she walk away and wait for you to cross?

Yes in that particular instance I would have just pulled the hood up and then waited back a bit while she crossed first. It's not hard to realise she must be going through something and not take it personally.

What were you saying to the baby?

obviously YWBU. Get a hood that covers baby completely so you don't anger mad barren women and put your baby in danger.

@BattenburgDonkey I swapped usernames a while ago and have used this one for multiple postings I just don't really start threads and some of the comments on here remind me exactly why.

I literally just thought to post this before i took my baby to play group (still on maternity so weekends mean nothing to me anymore lol) because she obviously lives in my area, ive seen her round a lot and honestly i dont think stunned silence was the best possible reaction so I've been kind of nervous about a repeat or similar encounter (I also suffer from anxiety, especially post baby, so do tend to worry and let things get to me)