AIBU to not hide my baby?

[littlefirecar]

This happened a few months ago but I have seen this woman out a few times now and she still makes me really uncomfortable

My baby is now bigger but when she was a couple of months old I was pushing her in her pram and she was enjoying looking around / cooing at things (she had only just moved to a sit up rather than basinet pushchair so was still enjoying the novelty)

All was good until we we crossed the road to a traffic island and were waiting to cross the next road to go on our way.

The lights at this crossing point always seem to take ages so I'm chatting to baby while she is happily cooing and starting to reach out to the stranger standing next to us also waiting to cross (she was very interested in strangers / other people at this stage and still is)

Anyway this woman then turns to me and asks me (pretty abruptly) to pull the hood down so my baby stops staring at her!

I was pretty stunned by this and lights still hadnt changed to cross so I just said 'no she's just being friendly' . She then seems more agitated and says 'you should be more considerate of others, I miscarried and our IVF failed, i don't want to be constantly reminded!'

I didn't really know what to say and felt really awkward but didn't want to pull the hood down on my baby as she doesnt like that so I just turned back to baby and lights changed a few seconds later

Crossed over and continued on our way but since then I have wondered if I dealt with the situation correctly.

I get she obviously had some trauma going on but I felt she was unreasonable and rude to expect me to hide my baby from her

Since then I have seen her around (I guess she must live in my area) but thankfully not stood close again!

WIBU or was she?

So sorry @Phrenologistsfinger

Maybe grief? Maybe ptsd? Maybe irrational
outbursts at strangers with the family you lost? Empathy costs nothing!

Thanks @Ethelfromnumber73

I thought this too

Also it’s really hard knowing that what for you may be an unattainable dream is just ordinary every day life for others.

You know it wasn't "normal" behaviour, and she gave you an explanation of sorts as to why it was upsetting for her.
Forget it and move on - why give it a second thought?

I feel really sorry for her. She must be in so much pain to do that. I would have told her that I'm really sorry for what she's going through and gone on my way, as wishing her all the best. That's not a normal reaction at all. She must have been so desperately at breaking point, really sad to read this.

Sending solidarity. I’ve got five colleagues writing work blogs about their pregnancy journeys at the moment - they circulate the blogs by email and then everyone bloody replies to them with parenting chat and congratulations using “reply all”. It’s supposed to be a work environment?!

Sorry, I obviously needed to get that off my chest…

@RosieRainbow1986 I really hope you have your rainbow soon

You sound like a delight, actual real people don't react like that to minor issues do they? Surely a sorry for your loss and moving on with your day is an appropriate response

So many drama llamas on here

She doesn't know your history any more than you can be expected to know hers. I'm currently 6 months pregnant with DS3, DS2 having been stillborn at 33 weeks. I'm not sure how I'd react if I was out with my new baby and someone did this with no clue what I go through to make it from day to day in one piece.
Basically, deal with your own issues, don't have a go a strangers who have a perfect right to go about their everyday lives.

You see, even this marks you as clueless OP. It just doesn't happen for some people so a comment like this can add greatly to a woman's agony. It's so staggeringly painful when it's totally unattainable while everyone around is just cracking on and firing out babies. The feeling of emptiness and longing, needing something to fill your empty arms is indescribable.

She sounds horrible, I cant understand if someone is trying so hard to have a baby that you'd be nasty towards babies and their parents. Sad she can't have kids but that's not your fault, you having your baby is in no way impacting her having her own baby. I'd have dealt with it the same as you, well done for not covering your baby and telling her so. You can bet if she ever had a baby she wouldn't be covering it up!

I think the key here is not that she wanted your baby to be hidden but where you say “starting to reach out to the stranger standing next to us also waiting to cross.” Your child was trying to engage her attention and it was obviously not something this woman wanted. She obviously didn’t react well but I think you could have been more empathetic when she explained. Infertility dominates your entire life and it sounds like this woman was in the throes of grief and anger. Whilst she shouldn’t have taken it out on you I can understand why she did as it make you very irrational at times. Many people don’t like engaging with strangers children and whilst you may think it’s the cutest thing in the world others may not share that view.

I’ve got five colleagues writing work blogs about their pregnancy journeys at the moment - they circulate the blogs by email and then everyone bloody replies to them with parenting chat and congratulations using “reply all”. It’s supposed to be a work environment?! Bloody hell! People really are so many self absorbed and attention seeking people. I'm all for people being able to share their happiness, but this defies belief, in a work place.

Meant to say there are

If this actually happened - which I'm sceptical - then of course YANBU. I've had loads of losses and lots of failed IVF and her behaviour was rude and irrational. That being said were you performance parenting - you know the type - talking really really obnoxiously loudly with the sole intention to draw attention to you and your baby?

You know the answer. Why waste time writing a long post about it?

Your 2m old baby was sitting up in a pushchair??

I can. The lady probably sadly had mental health or drug problems . It could have been any issue that caused her to lash out verbally at a stranger. It is sad that she suffered miscarriages thoughts. It’s a shame there is not more help for people struggling like this.

Its more likely for mums in maternity leave to end up bumping into vulnerable people on the fringes of society. People working 9-5 and commuting just don’t have the opportunity to see what goes on on local communities day to day

*though

That is sooooo rude of her. YANBU at all (and I know what it's like to be in her shoes).

After I miscarried I couldn’t look at babies without bursting into tears. Like any loss it affects us all differently but no matter how much it hurts no one has the right to dictate things to other people or take their emotions out on those around them.

You did nothing wrong and of course you don’t need to hide your baby, just carry on as you are.

Good point