To let my 10yr old go on a day out with a friends family?

[MavisMonkey]

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable or DH is.

Last week my 10 yr old DS was invited to a birthday day out for one of his best friends. DS friend's family will be taking the birthday boy, my son and one other friend along on a day out- think something like a theme park, visiting a tourist attraction kind of thing. We are not invited as the parents, just the kids. The venue is around a 50 minute drive from where we live and they will be out all day- DS is getting picked up at 11 and likely dropped back at around 7pm.

For context the kids have been friends for the last few years so I only know the other family in so much as that our kids are friends, the parents don't stay when the kids come round to each other's houses and we don't socialise together - so I guess they are friendly acquaintances to us more than anything.

When my DS was invited I thought it sounded like a lovely day, DS was super keen to go and so I agreed, sorted all the arrangements etc. All good until last night when my DH got wind of the exact details of the day out and he had a major problem with our DS going.

He is super uncomfortable with our DS being driven on a long journey and then being under the care / supervised all day by "strangers". He says how do we know these people will watch him properly? How do we know they won't drink drive etc? He doesn't want me to cancel it but has basically said he will be worried sick and anxious all day until DS returns home.
I think he's being ridiculously OTT and this is part of growing up and something we have to deal with as parents. He thinks I should never have agreed this as our DS is too young.

So basically the AIBU is:
YABU: I am too lax in my parenting and should not have allowed my DS to join this day out.
YANBU: DH is overreacting and it is reasonable to let a 10 yr old to join his friends family on a day out.

He's being daft. Of course they didn't invite the parents!

Your son will have a smashing time at a theme park with his best friend.
I can hardly believe this is the first time this has happened.

When they start secondary, you go from knowing who every child your friend knows to knowing about 10%of them.

Your DH is being ridiculously overprotective.

Why not invite the other boy over next week - that way you'll have to meet one of the other parents on pickup/drop off.

If not and I were the other parent, I wouldn't mind if you contacted me asking to meet me for a couple of mins just to put a face to the parents of your friend's son. I rather know you felt comfortable, and also my DC could enjoy the company of their chosen friend. It'd be quite reasonable to ask for their telephone number anyway, so you could use the excuse you're phoning to say your DS is looking forward to it.

If neither of the above options work for you, why not ask a couple of other parents what they know.

Thanks so much for all the replies.
Phew glad to see so far everyone agrees with me! Exactly as others have said it's part of building their independence and I see it as perfectly normal. He has no issue when I take friends kids out and about for the day which is part of why I was so surprised at his reaction!

DH is quite an anxious person and does worry over EVERYTHING but he generally knows that he's being unreasonable and internalises it / deals with it, but for some reason this one has caused him to speak out.
I'm generally the exact opposite and possibly too chilled out hence why I needed a consensus check.

Does he have anxiety generally? My ds is 10 hes off out with a friend and their family tomorrow 9-5 wouldn't bat an eyelid over it
Theyre 10 they need to learn some independence
Seriously he is wrong in this and needs to unclench

He’ll probably be fine … of course, he might not be but you could say that any time he leaves the house for school.

😂😂😂 unclench really made me laugh. He really does need to!

Would he be the same in a school trip?

Year 7 often fo to theme parks and are allowed around on their own. Shock horror!

As a child my mum was extremely anxious and wouldn't allow me to go to days out/school trips ect and it really isolated me from my friends and it was a horrible feeling. Now as a mum I'm extremely anxious about leaving my DS but I'm pushing through and not letting my anxiety get in the way of his childhood ❤️

So I know them in that when I drop off my DS we will have a 5/10 min chat and we all have each other's numbers, but we don't socialise with them so I think a perfectly normal level of interaction.
I said but you're fine for aunts / uncles / grandparents to take them out and his reply was yes but we know them and I trust them to have the same standards as me.
Although saying that DH is pretty anti social so it's me that has the dialogue / parents numbers so he doesn't know them at all.

Your DH needs to see a doctor. His reaction is not normal.

My DH would be the same. You will have a "feel" for these folk, if you think they are like you, and you're happy, I see no problem.

Do you have other kids? You might say, we'll follow you on our car, because other DC would love that, so we'll tag along but be in the distant background, so you'll not even know we're there but available to help.

Does DS have a phone? Could you give him a plan to contact you if he feels uncomfortable about anything?

YANBU by the way

I feel for you! His mum is also extremely anxious and I think a lot of his mindset stems from that. He is a 39 yr old man that has to text his mum the minute our plane lands whenever we get anywhere and he has to text to let her know every day that he arrived at work safely because he cycles and she would worry otherwise.

We took our DCs friends on days out to theme parks from being about 8. We checked what they could eat and the parents knew we are responsible drivers and would make sure they were looked after.
Your DH is being ridiculous unless you have any grounds to suspect that the parents would not be sensible.

We've taken DC friends out for their birthdays from the age of about 6 in DDs case (her birthday is in the summer holidays so often parties are hard if lots of people are away, so days out with 3 or 4 friends, have worked better for us)
I hope no one suspected I would drink drive or not look after their children!

He is most definitely being unreasonable. Once he starts secondary school, it's unusual to know the parents of all your child's friends as you're not doing the playground chit chat anymore as he'll be on the school bus etc so your dh needs to get used to this.
My daughter's best friend is an only child and dd often accompanies them on days out. Once they get to a certain age doing stuff with the parents just isn't as much fun and bringing a mate along is the answer.
Your DH needs to trust your son to make wise friendship choices and if he was concerned about his mates' parents not being up to the job then he should be able to talk to you.
As an only child I know it's hard but they really need to be with their mates and learn a bit of independence.

Well yes he’s being unreasonable but is he generally an anxious person?

A friend of my dd’s mum was was a bit like this. Though she knew she was being ridiculous, but she couldn’t help it. So when I had her dd for a sleep over and took them a long day trip the next day, I kept her informed of where we were and when we left so she knew what was going on.

it really helped her overcome her anxiety without making her feel stupid. She’s a really really lovely person, but she just had this irrational fear.

If it’s something similar with your dh then try and be a bit kinder and reassuring.

hope your ds has a fab day

Some of these replies are a bit harsh. I have some sympathy with your husband because I used to worry about other people driving our children. I swallowed it, though, and usually let them go by that age because it was nice for them.

Could you ask the other parent to text once you arrive? Often if DS has been out with friends the parent with them will send pics of what they're doing etc

Crap I did this 2 years ago when my DS was 8 took him.and his school freind to Cadbury World only knew his parents as school parents so not overly friendly. Didnt give it a second thought but as a generally decent person I would have been extra careful knowing I had someone elaes kid with me.

This is an absolutely normal thing to happen ime from a much younger age than 10. By 6/7 we were taking DD's friends camping and on holidays let alone just a day out.

Sounds completely normal, but if it's the first time you've let him do this I can understand your DH getting anxious so I think you should treat him kindly. I always worry about my kids when they go in school trips etc, I can't help it!

He's being ridiculous.

I went out with my friends and their families on day-trips from much younger than 10 - maybe from around age 6?