Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriends daughter and nits

130 replies

Wowowowowow · 25/06/2022 03:54

My boyfriends daughter who is 6 is covered in nits. My boyfriend is in denial that she has them yet I can clearly see them on top of her head. I've tried showing him and he's like where I can't see them. He won't let me comb her hair. My daughter who is 8 had two massive lice in her hair after we saw them at the park but no eggs. I treated her hair and my hair in case there was anymore. She didn't have them the day before. This is really putting me off the relationship but everything else is so lovely. How can someone not know their kids have so many nits? He doesn't treat them properly as I've seen him treat it before and doesn't thoroughly comb and doesn't section her hair. I've tried showing him but he won't have it. The mother isn't around she lost custody of the kids in case anyone was wondering what the Mum did about the nits. Would you leave someone for not treating nits properly? I kinda class it as slight neglect. I don't know. I haven't seen them since because I don't want my daughter to get them again. This was start of the week. I made an excuse not to see them this weekend. He moaned at me yesterday on the phone because someone else pointed out the nits too to him and he was like she doesn't have any yet I know she does.

OP posts:
Just10moreminutesplease · 25/06/2022 08:33

Nits are incredibly uncomfortable and potentially socially ostracising. It’s not ‘slight neglect’, it’s just neglect plain and simple.

If you feel able to, I’d have a frank conversation with him about how out of order this is. If he doesn’t listen and treat his daughter properly, I’d go to the school (or go straight to the school about it).

HokeyK0key · 25/06/2022 08:45

I wouldn't be attracted to a man who neglected his child and allowed live to live on her body.

So I would

a) end the relationship.
b) contact the safeguarding team at her school and speak to them about the neglect.

butterpuffed · 25/06/2022 08:46

What an odd denial . His DD must be scratching like mad if she has so many , has he not noticed that either ? Contact her school.

TitoMojito · 25/06/2022 08:48

I'm really phobic about nits. Had them three times throughout school and it just 🤢🤢 so I would leave out of sheer disgust at him forcing his daughter to live like this.

Poor girl though. Someone needs to help her Shock

Cuckoo48 · 25/06/2022 08:49

It's not "slight neglect"
it is neglect.
If you're thinking this, then you can be sure her classmates and their parents are too. She's the dirty nitty child who no one wants their kid to play with.
If he won't do anything about it, I would speak to her school and see if they can make him.

drinkingwineoutofamug · 25/06/2022 08:51

I knew someone who had nits . Ended up in icu intubated they were that poorly.
Had to have their body shaved as there were nit eggs even on their toe hair.

Dump him and then report for neglecting his daughter

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 25/06/2022 08:53

this is neglect!! ring nspcc for advice

Lockdownlard · 25/06/2022 08:57

Surely parents don’t need a nurse for head lice - talk about a waste of resources - there is so much information available to help get rid of headlice around - this is clearly a parenting problem - just tell him if he doesn’t sort it out you won’t be seeing him any more - you and your daughter don’t want to catch it. I would think the school are already aware if they are that noticeable.

TitoMojito · 25/06/2022 08:57

drinkingwineoutofamug · 25/06/2022 08:51

I knew someone who had nits . Ended up in icu intubated they were that poorly.
Had to have their body shaved as there were nit eggs even on their toe hair.

Dump him and then report for neglecting his daughter

ShockShockShock

HelloNorthernStar · 25/06/2022 09:01

I would treat the nits regardless of what he says or wants and then leave him telling him why you are ending the relationship. His poor DD, he sounds very cruel. I would also report to the school so they can get other kids checked.

Goldencarp · 25/06/2022 09:05

Yes I’d leave someone . It doesn’t say much about his character or parenting.

Kangaruby · 25/06/2022 09:07

Another one saying to dump him and report the situation. It is neglect, poor girl

ihatethefuckingmuffin · 25/06/2022 09:07

I would tell him straight that not only is he neglecting his child by not dealing with her health condition, he is also neglecting her emotionally as other children can be cruel fuckers and will bully her. Is this what he wants for her? And if he really cannot see them he needs to get his eyes checked out.

It’s not like it even costs a fortune to treat, just a nit comb, some conditioner and access to a washing machine for clothes and bedding.

Littlebirdyouaresosweet · 25/06/2022 09:10

Imagine when that poor dc starts her periods... Dump him op.

FriedTomatoe · 25/06/2022 09:15

drinkingwineoutofamug · 25/06/2022 08:51

I knew someone who had nits . Ended up in icu intubated they were that poorly.
Had to have their body shaved as there were nit eggs even on their toe hair.

Dump him and then report for neglecting his daughter

I didn't realise they could make you that sick. I always thought it was the discomfort that was the issue.

On another note when my boys were little and I was still with ex, we all had nits and we all had to treat. My ex refused to cooperate. I came to the conclusion it was his personality type - he just wasn't interested in the small, mundane aspects of life.

This wasn't the reason why I left him but this sort of thing was a contributing factor. According to him, worms weren't a problem and our children's education was equally not very interesting. Not being funny, but your man sounds the same. Do you really want your life to be an uphill battle of him deciding what he will and won't listen to you about?

Aquamarine1029 · 25/06/2022 09:18

I would report him to the daughter's school and SS, and then I would run like hell away from this man. There is something very, very wrong with him.

OhmygodDont · 25/06/2022 09:19

is possibly ring the school and make them aware that she has nits, that the father won’t treat them, claims he can’t see them. They can then keep a closer eye on her as well as sending out a letter to the whole class about nits.

notapizzaeater · 25/06/2022 09:20

Haven't school sent a nit letter home ? Does he think it's something he's ashamed of ? This could just be the tip of the iceberg tbh. I'd report it

IggyAce · 25/06/2022 09:23

This is neglect and that poor 6 year old will end up with no friends at school because all the kids will avoid her.
Id honestly walk away, but please report to the local family hub and school.

MrsMoastyToasty · 25/06/2022 09:24

Check his hair for nits. Say you have found some. I bet he'll move so fast to eradicate them that there will be scorched carpet.

Send him out for the day. Have a "pamper day" whereby you treat her hair and then do her nails.

drinkingwineoutofamug · 25/06/2022 09:25

Also super nits, they have now evolved and over the counter nit remedies don't work.
The only thing that worked for the person I mentioned was the put a lot of conditioner on the hair (after cutting out the nit nest) and going through sections of hair.
We also used the suction to suck the bastards up, tucked our scrubs in our socks and wore hair nets.
They can also crawl far to claim their next victim, it's not just head to head contact.
I'm now itchy

Lulu1919 · 25/06/2022 09:27

GeorgiaGirl52 · 25/06/2022 04:26

If she is 6 and in school, please call the school. The school nurse can examine her and they can insist on treatment. If he can't see them, I would recommend an eye exam for him.

Sadly very few schools have access to a school nurse .
I'm a TA and we are not allowed to check etc ..and if I child has them ( we've seen or a parent tells us ) we can send a general letter home to all the class but no naming etc

ManateeFair · 25/06/2022 09:34

It is serious neglect not to treat nits.

It’s also incredibly weird that he refuses to accept that she has them even though more than one person has pointed them out to him, and that he refuses to let you comb her hair. Has he got some sort of mental health issue? Is he scared she’ll be taken away from him if he admits she has nits? Is he in denial because he’s got some kind of phobia or something and can’t bring himself to acknowledge that she might have nits because then he’d have to face it?

Bednobsbroomsticks · 25/06/2022 09:56

Treat her hair. Then dump him

wellhelloitsme · 25/06/2022 10:07

Please treat her hair. You shouldn't have to be the one to do it but he isn't going to.

Then break up with him (I only suggest treating the hair first rather than dumping him immediately so you still have access to her to do so)

Then call her school, ask to speak to the safeguarding lead and let them know she's being neglected because her father refuses to acknowledge or treat a serious nit infestation.

Because this is neglect.

If he had nits, especially this badly, he would treat them.

He is neglecting his daughter.

Swipe left for the next trending thread