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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriends daughter and nits

130 replies

Wowowowowow · 25/06/2022 03:54

My boyfriends daughter who is 6 is covered in nits. My boyfriend is in denial that she has them yet I can clearly see them on top of her head. I've tried showing him and he's like where I can't see them. He won't let me comb her hair. My daughter who is 8 had two massive lice in her hair after we saw them at the park but no eggs. I treated her hair and my hair in case there was anymore. She didn't have them the day before. This is really putting me off the relationship but everything else is so lovely. How can someone not know their kids have so many nits? He doesn't treat them properly as I've seen him treat it before and doesn't thoroughly comb and doesn't section her hair. I've tried showing him but he won't have it. The mother isn't around she lost custody of the kids in case anyone was wondering what the Mum did about the nits. Would you leave someone for not treating nits properly? I kinda class it as slight neglect. I don't know. I haven't seen them since because I don't want my daughter to get them again. This was start of the week. I made an excuse not to see them this weekend. He moaned at me yesterday on the phone because someone else pointed out the nits too to him and he was like she doesn't have any yet I know she does.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 25/06/2022 07:16

Dump and call the school

poor little girl. He is a lazy shit

WaltzingWaters · 25/06/2022 07:19

As others have said, show him this:

metro.co.uk/2022/06/12/tucson-mum-and-grandma-arrested-after-girl-9-died-from-lice-infestation-16813315/amp/

It’s definitely neglectful. Kids get nits and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. But not treating them is a whole different story, neglectful, and harmful.

jetadore · 25/06/2022 07:19

Must be so uncomfortable for his daughter. Could you try to arrange to get some time with his daughter alone, without him around, and treat them (then show him). Not that you should have to! He’s clearly deluded, red flag there.

Itiswhatitisuntilitisnt · 25/06/2022 07:24

id leave someone being neglectful to their child and ignoring my help
imagine if you had dc together!

KosherDill · 25/06/2022 07:34

Call the school nurse. And bin him.

StridTheKiller · 25/06/2022 07:35

He knows, he just doesn't care.

LillyBugg · 25/06/2022 07:38

Who are these school nurses people keep talking of?! Honestly I'm sure there is no such thing, we can barely afford to pay teachers, I'm sure there are no school nurses.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 25/06/2022 07:40

LillyBugg · 25/06/2022 07:38

Who are these school nurses people keep talking of?! Honestly I'm sure there is no such thing, we can barely afford to pay teachers, I'm sure there are no school nurses.

Yes there are. They are not employed by the school sometimes they are called public health nurses. The role most people will know them from is for school based immuni
dat programmes.

Nonamenoplacetogo · 25/06/2022 07:43

Why is this a school problem? Make a MASH report yourself. It’s a parental issue. Those saying report to school nurse, there are hardly any schools with a nurse. First aid yes but not nurse. I work in a large secondary school, used to have a nurse in 1 day a week to see students via appointment only, we now have no nurse at all.

Paq · 25/06/2022 07:52

That is neglect, absolutely no question. I wouldn't hesitate to contact social services. He needs support and if he refuses it they can insist.

Mellowyellow222 · 25/06/2022 07:55

First concern is his children’s welfare. He is neglecting this child. If he doesnt care about this what else will he ignore? He needs parenting lessons and monitoring.

Could I stay with a man willing to let his child suffer like this? No.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 25/06/2022 07:56

LillyBugg · 25/06/2022 07:38

Who are these school nurses people keep talking of?! Honestly I'm sure there is no such thing, we can barely afford to pay teachers, I'm sure there are no school nurses.

Of course there are. There isn't one in each school like there used to be but each school has one assigned to them

sashagabadon · 25/06/2022 07:57

I’d offer to treat them. But I am strangely weird in that I find it satisfying getting rid of them. But I 100% agree it is neglect especially as they are easy to treat

MardyBumm · 25/06/2022 08:00

I would be out of there like a shot but on your way, please call the school or social services. Allowing nits to continue is neglect. Other children will start to realise soon and the poor girl will be picked on. I had a girl in my class a few years ago who had nits like this, so bad you could see them crawling all over her head. She was immaculately clean and well presented in every other way but SS were involved because the parents could not be bothered to treat it despite all the free treatments given to them by the school.

Cstring · 25/06/2022 08:02

If it’s at the point where they can be seen without parting the hair, she will have a big infestation.
He must be a lazy bastard who can’t be arsed to put the effort in to clear it, and yes it’s neglectful.
I’d tell him really bluntly that he’s deluded if he thinks she doesn’t have nits, and be clear he needs to start treating them.

MardyBumm · 25/06/2022 08:06

Nonamenoplacetogo · 25/06/2022 07:43

Why is this a school problem? Make a MASH report yourself. It’s a parental issue. Those saying report to school nurse, there are hardly any schools with a nurse. First aid yes but not nurse. I work in a large secondary school, used to have a nurse in 1 day a week to see students via appointment only, we now have no nurse at all.

Every school is meant to have a school nurse. They don't usually physically come in on a regular basis though as they are attached to several schools but attend to deal with safeguarding concerns that fall under health concerns, upon the request of a member of the safeguarding team.

Mouk · 25/06/2022 08:09

Poor child.

Lazy sod! That is pure neglect.

RudsyFarmer · 25/06/2022 08:13

Massive red flag.

is he acknowledging they exist but not wanting you to upset her by helping? Or is he saying there’s nothing in her hair and you’re basically gaslighting him?

MintJulia · 25/06/2022 08:17

I'd put my foot down, tell him that his daughter is suffering, she'll be ostracised at school and he needs to deal with it or at least yet you deal with it, or you'll report him to SS for neglect.

That poor girl. Why are some men such lazy useless arseholes?

ToadiesCouzin · 25/06/2022 08:17

Of course it’s neglect, your BF is not a good person. Dump him and call her school with your concerns.

converseandjeans · 25/06/2022 08:19

He sounds really controlling as he won't allow you to help sort it out. It must be really itchy and unpleasant for his DD. I imagine her bedding needs regular washing too.

I don't think school nurses really exist tbh. So I don't know who you would report to - maybe call NSPCC for some advice?

Ladybug14 · 25/06/2022 08:20

ToadiesCouzin · 25/06/2022 08:17

Of course it’s neglect, your BF is not a good person. Dump him and call her school with your concerns.

This

Meandmini3 · 25/06/2022 08:23

I would slightly understand his reluctance to deal with them (still neglectful) but what is the deal with him refusing to let you treat them?

school nurses. Schools have access to one but they’re overstretched. You can report him directly to your council’s safeguarding team or via NSPCC. Please do it

Beautiful3 · 25/06/2022 08:27

It's neglect also makes me wonder what else he's neglecting. I'd step away from that relationship.

Salome61 · 25/06/2022 08:31

Poor child, he's a lazy neglectful Dad. I had nits when my daughter caught them, felt like the back of my neck was on fire, it's so uncomfortable.