Or am I just old and out of touch?

[snowdropsandcrocuses]

DD 15 has a group of friends consisting of all girls except one male. He's a lovely kid. I guess if I described him I would say good kid, loner, long hair, skinny. He's a nice boy but not particularly sociable.

So we're chatting about her friends and she says her male friend (we will call him Jack) is pansexual. I had to Google this to discover it meant he is attracted to both sexes. She then told me, in all seriousness, he is Aromantic.

I had to pause for a second and confirm she meant he does not like/do romance to which I got another honest, straight faced 'yes'

So wait, there is a 15 year old boy in your friendship group (all girls except him) that is attracted to both (all?) genders and is not interested in romance. In other words, he wants to shag but not date?

I swear I don't get it. She cannot see any irony in the term 'aromantic' for a teenage boy. And I want to stop the train and get off!

God this is all so freaky. Maybe the water is being contaminated, or is it just middle class kids this happens to? The mind boggles.

Funny thing is, how would they feel if the adults joined in? Oh yeah, your dad's asexual but I'm aromantic so it's fine. I go for a shag on Thursdays with your friend Clair's dad. He's pan, so he's not bothered whether I'm aromantic or Demi, he's just happy to help. Claire's mum? You mean her other dad? Yes he's acting as surrogate for flo and George, so he doesn't mind him playing away for a while.

They'd be horrified.

It’s all a total headfuck. The overarching message we try to communicate to our kids is: respect the human being but don’t get bogged down with bloody labels. An arsehole is still an arsehole, no matter the gender, sexuality, political persuasion etc etc. Good people come in every possible combination, as do arseholes.

@curlymam you 'identify' as something that probably describes about 50% of women. Christ alive!

Aromantic sounds more like an excuse to be played to me. A cover up from either sex or gender. Lead somebody into a “relationship”, get the shag and off they trot. If they get questioned after, “well I’m aromantic to it’s what I am”
and a shoulder shrug.

If that’s what both sides want, fair play to them. And indeed, some are not interested in relationships. But let’s face it, this is a label that can easily be used as a “get out card” and excuse. Bit of a pointless label in my view.

In terms of wearing sexuality like a badge of honour, I think it’s just the need so many teenagers have to have “their thing”. Being gay isn’t enough anymore. Our school year group “gay” was that typical male stereotype character (high voice, theatrical, hung out with the girls, loved musicals and fashion and was a very merry chap) and it made him popular. People like a title. Some teens just want the attention, some are genuinely confused and some just feel the pressure to claim “something”.

I don't think people are triggered so much by their sexuality but more the self-indulgence of all this. The mere fact that a 15 year old has to label themselves as anything never mind label not only the gender they're attracted to but the level of emotional attachment they require in their relationship as if anyone really gives a shit is totally laughable. I am completely tolerant of any gender identity and any sexual preference but honestly I weep at how self indulgent and attention seeking this generation of kids are becoming. It scares me to death for my 4YO.

Think you’ve got the word “triggered” wrong there. Having a gentle laugh at the follies of youth is not being “triggered”. (In any case it’s very unwoke and ableist to use the word “triggered” these days, as it’s derogatory to those who are seriously affected by PTSD. Keep up!)

@curlymam

your description is how many, if not most people feel. There is a vocal subset of people who want to walk around having casual sex, but that doesn’t mean their sexuality is the default.

Flipping hilarious 🤣😂😂🤣 who the hell do they think they are

I think it’s great that kids and teens have so much awareness and open dialogue around different sexualities and gender identities now

Gender identity ideology is made up religious nonsense. A belief system based on nothing but the entirely subjective feelings of a small minority.

For some reason this ideology is being taught in schools as fact.
Kids having to put themselves in made up boxes because they are told they all now must have one of these special 'gender identities'

It used to be called having a personality, and your sexual orientation was something you found out for yourself as you grew up without the need to declare it on your social media profile at 12 years old!

Why will we call him Jack? And when?

😂

I never understood the whole pronoun lingo. If you are referring to someone as she/he/them then they are not around to know or be offended if you get it wrong.
If they are right in front of your face, surely you refer to them as their actual name? I have never referred to anyone as their pronoun if they are stood there with me.

What is going on? Aromantics are asexuals who don't want a relationship or sex.
So I find it hard to believe he is also pansexual.
He sounds rather confused to me - needs to go away and do more reading.

When Dd said a girl in her class was pan sexual, I thought she had an obsession with pans.

Knowing the girl she was definitely not pan sexual.

I stumbled on a heated discussion about this on my tumblr feed recently — the kids, bless em, were arguing about the usefulness of these terms as they get more and more narrow - they even call them “microlabels” now.

I can’t help thinking that it’s all just going to become unsustainably tiresome to keep it all up for long, especially as they all enter the workplace. Imagine being at work and still trying to work out what “microlabel” you should be identifying with that week because you suddenly feel like you might be attracted to Jake in Marketing but oh dear, you previously identified as a queer pan catgender aro-ace demi-masc? Exhausting 😩

"because rather conveniently this young teenage boy has found an attention seeking & cool identity that validates him having sex but not a relationship"

As someone who isn't romantic and have enjoyed having friends-with-benefits and fuck buddies, I like the discussions around removing being in relationships as the default and a goal. As a woman who wants just sex I used to be sick of people declaring that if women weren't chasing relationships then they must have low self esteem. You see it still on threads on here. I don't see why we should lead sexless lives because we don't want relationships. I've had men be quite put out because I haven't developed feelings for them. It should be a validated choice.

The thing is, you don't have to 'get it'.

I bet she is! Polyamorous asexual, now there’s an oxymoron.

OP "She cannot see any irony in the term 'aromantic' for a teenage boy."

um...neither can I?

i think that sort of person might label me aromantic. I'm not a fan of labels though.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky, aromantics can be asexual, or can have a usual sex drive.

I think this is the problem. No one should have to go away and so some reading to find out what label they are.

Perhaps there's a flow chart.

Just spluttered into my coffee! 😂😂😂