To not want to buy this tightwad a drink?

[Homewardbound2022]

I play a group sport regularly and it is customary to buy drinks for one's playing partners afterwards. For the last three years since I've known her, one woman has never put her hand in her pocket. She will quite happily accept drinks but doesn't buy her round. My feeling is that if she can afford this activity, she can stretch to a few extra euros for drinks, if not she should just go home straight after! I've already been caught out twice by her but that was in the innocent early days and now I know her MO.
Anyway, on Monday I have the misfortune of playing with her (and two men) and am already wondering how I can avoid buying this seasoned tightwad a drink or to shame her into pulling out her purse.
Any suggestions?

Say it must be her turn.

Could you just say "Just going to pop to the bathroom, do you mind getting the drinks in, I'll have a beer, thanks?"

Wouldn’t be a shame if you brought the exact money to pay for the activity and forgot your cards.

If you've got the confidence, I would walk up to the bar, place the order for all the drinks, then say ' tightwad, it's you're turn to pay'.

Oh front it out 100%:

“Your turn to buy, Barbara”

if possible have a word with the two blokes so you don’t get Mr Gallant buying for the little ladies 😜

The trouble with tightwads is that when you do brave it out say"I think it's your turn," they suddenly can't find their purse or their wallet or their card isn't in their wallet...

Been there .

Dealt with this in pub rounds.

"Anyone fancy a drink? Great, cos it's x's round"

Well played Veronica, your round I think!!

if questioned, just say “you know, I’ve played you x number of times and you’ve never yet bought a drink. Definitely your turn”.

I can guarantee she won’t play you again!

One of the first things I learned about social niceties when I moved to the UK was the social niceties around buying rounds.

I think just saying that it’s her round is a good place to start.

Thank you for these excellent suggestions!
I will puke (and hate myself) if I don't tackle this head-on.

We have a man like this at running club. We sometimes have a coffee together after a run and generally people are falling over themselves to make sure they take their turn, rather than avoid it, but we'd noticed this one man who never did.

One day when we were a small group (just in case there was a financial reason he couldn't step up) I said "right who's for coffee? X must be your round"

He said yes, I think it must be. He bought them cheerfully and has been doing so ever since. I actually think he was just a bit slow to speak up rather than deliberately tight.

@ForBestResults he probably realised finally he'd been rumbled!
I saw this same woman on Wed accept a drink from her playing partner. He finished his beer before her and he sat looking an empty glass whilst she sat with her arms folded and said nothing. HE ended up offering another round to the entire table, incl her, and at least she declined a second one.

Good luck on dealing with this, I hope it goes well on Monday.

I honestly think the tightwads of this world think other people don't notice their complete lack of round buying or are relying on you being too polite to challenge their behaviour.

Please report back.....

I think men often handle this better if it's another man who's tight. A straightforward, "It's your round" is all that's needed. Whether they'd do that to her is another thing, though.

I don't know how people can stand to be thought of as tight. Why aren't they mortified at the thought of it?

There is still a bit of a culture of women "letting" men buy the drinks and if she didn't want a 2nd it would be odd to buy a round.

When I was first widowed I had to have some very strong words with some friends who wouldn't "let" me buy a drink, but insisted their husbands did it 😆

Just tell her.

Let us know how it goes op. I like the idea of 'just popping to the loo Barbara, it's your turn to buy the drinks isn't it' if she says 'oh I forgot my purse' I'd laugh and say 'not that old chestnut, didn't you use that excuse last time' then go to the loo and see what happens

Really? I'm a teetotal female and even I know if you don't want a second (but accepted a first), you at least buy a drink for the person who gave you the first!

It would be better to tackle with when it’s just the two of you, otherwise one on the men will end up buying the drinks and you’ll just look tight as well. But yes, when it’s the two of you “it must be your round by now! I’ll have a white wine”

although if i managed to get her to the bar I’d order a double brandy to teach her a lesson

Or maybe OP could warn the other two about tightwad and they all agree to ask tightwad to get first round?

There used to be one like this in our pub group of friends. She would always ask for a large glass of wine but never bought a round. One evening someone decided to tackle her about it and said 'Jane' why do you never buy a round when everyone else takes their turn. She said 'I can't because I'm saving for a watch'. Right oh then

@Meraas no, this won't work as we're a smallish group and I'd be viewed very poorly. Someone who knows her well told me she's divorced and on a small pension (she's early 70s) but my opinion remains the same: if you can afford a relatively costly activity, then you must budget a few € for drinks, otherwise go home and don't accept hospitality from others. I hate tightness!😝

She said 'I can't because I'm saving for a watch'. 😂

I'd prob offer the 2 guys a drink, turn to cf and say I noticed you don't like participating in buying rounds so I'll leave you to get your own

Even if she can't afford to buy a round, it's no excuse. If that's the case then she should politely decline when others offer to buy her a drink. Or if she only wants one drink, she could say something along the lines of "I'm only staying for one drink so I'll just buy my own this time, thanks."

There's no excuse for accepting constant drinks from other people and not at some point buying a round yourself. I've had friendships end over this very issue. People who refuse to get a round when it's their turn will usually behave selfishly in other ways too.

Tough one! I hate rounds personally as I usually only want one drink and I drink very slowly, so getting dragged into the rounds thing is just a nightmare. I never accept drinks tho I just say firmly no I'll get my own drink as I'm only having one. Some people do get funny about even that tho and start pressuring to include you in the round! It may be she doesn't want to do rounds but doesn't feel comfortable to say.

So, Rather than shame her into getting a round next time I think id be tempted to casually in a nice way say something like "Jane, do you want to just get your own drink as I noticed you don't seem to like buying in rounds"? She might be relieved to be exempted from the whole rounds ritual