Interesting. I’ve no opinion on this person, but as someone who is flat, flat broke I’m acutely aware there is always, always going to be perceived inequality in this custom.
Maybe she can afford the sport, but only afford the the sport. Everyone has a limit somewhere. It’s a bit ridiculous to say if she can afford the sport, she can afford a drink. If she has £32.44 left at the end of the week, and the sport costs £32, she can afford tennis, but not a drink. If she sees people blithely buying each other drinks all the time, she may feel there’s a lot of money around and a drink doesn’t seem like a lot to ‘take’ from a community to her. Maybe lots of people know something you don’t, and have said ‘no no, Barbara, we wouldn’t see you pay’ over and over. Maybe she arranges all the draws or contributes in some dull and unseen way. Maybe the rest of the group doesn’t feel it’s a lot to be subsidising her, for some reason. Maybe she buys drinks when she can, and you’ve just never happened to spot it. It’s a horrible, horrible position to be in. Lots of people insist on buying me drinks, or coffee or whatever, and I can’t ever reciprocate and frankly it sucks. Knowing what it’s ok to accept and not knowing when, or if an reciprocal offer is expected. Or who will see it as buying a drink for a skint mate, and who sees you as being a tightwad, and at what point they from one to another. My cousin’s family, for example, easily earns ten times what I did last year. Her buying me a drink (on top of her double g and t, her OH’s craft beer and organic soft drinks for her 3 kids) is not even noticeable. Literally, there is NO consequence to their budget. If I bought a round back, that would be more than my food budget for the week. Obviously, the logical solution is that I buy one in five rounds, but that’s never going to be practical. We would rarely have five rounds. I’ll never reminder from one occassion to the next. Especially if when someone casually says, ‘oh, grab the kids some crisps, will you?’ means my card will be declined. Roughly even isn’t going to be ok for me - I don’t have any budget flexibility. I need to know what I’m spending before I known if I can go. To the penny.
Sometimes I go and drink tap water. But that’s not always obvious to everyone. Who just sees it as never getting a round in. Sometimes I’d love a drink, with actual people, but I can just about buy a cheap one. Its very isolating to know you need to accept charity, because your friends do want to help you, but only as much as they are comfortable with, not to expect it and be appropriately grateful, but not gushingly awkward. And all without a word being spoken. And people will insist, not having even an inkling that pennies count for some people.
This awkward, anxious, entirely silent minefield means I just don’t go to a lot of things, because even if the activity is affordable, the incidentals may not be. And it’s no fun mentally totting up your social debt all the time. It’s easier to go with friends where everyone pays for their own individually and you can control what you spend without any social consequences.
In these circumstances I would drink tap water. But eventually, I think I’d feel so uncomfortable I’d stop going. A round system is fine, if everyone feels it’s equitable, but it can also easily be deeply awkward if your circumstances vary. My impression was that it was a bit old hat, too.