Weight loss via surgery 'cheating' comment

[PuttaMyDream]

In idle office conversation with a colleague. The subject of weight loss came up; I've lost around 6 stone since I started here so I look very different now.

She mentioned another colleague, who is also looking different after having a gastric band fitted, but colleague said she'd not lost weight 'properly' like me (as in, diet/exercise choices) and having surgery was 'cheating'.

However I think there's no easy way to lose weight, and from what little I know, weight loss surgery is tough going. I applaud anyone trying to improve their health, in any way.

aibu to think surgery isn't cheating at all and colleague is a bit judgemental?! I didn't know what to say.

I'm not the poster you originally asked, so I can't speak for them, but I don't feel that i need to or should necessarily always give my opinion, even if i'm sure of it. This is a thread where someone specifically asked for opinions, hence sharing it.

We should be addressing the horrendous obesity epidemic in more effective ways than by effectively disabling people for life and exposing them to any number of horrific complications.

We should be addressing the horrendous obesity epidemic in more effective ways than by effectively disabling people for life and exposing them to any number of horrific complications.

I don't disagree with you, but sometimes people are so unwell that the choice is literally "surgery or death", and I don't exactly think it's okay to just let people die when there are other options they can try first.

I live overseas where this procedure is plentiful, well priced and really easy to access. I know of three people who have done it.

One is an influencer who posts constantly about how her hard work and exercise have enabled her to lose a load of weight.

She has never revealed the gastric band.

I don't object to the band but I do object to misleading people in this way.

Yes, it probably is. And there probably is something to be said for learning to practise self-denial and self-control, and there probably is something damaging about untrammelled appetite, and about giving up control completely to something external (surgery that does not allow you to indulge your appetites, making you a passive victim).

I've had eating disorders for over 25 years (as well as other addiction issues), so I have some experience of this.

I think that it is very much tied up with (not necessarily religious) ideas of sin and atonement.

Of course not, but I don't think realistically that everyone who gets bariatric surgery is literally at the "surgery or immediate death" point.

Loads of things are "cheating" as they are taking an easier option to get the same result.
Taking the bus home from the supermarket? You could walk.
Using a shopping trolley?
You could carry all your shopping in baskets
Using a washing machine?
You could wash things in the sink
Who cares? Just do what works for you to get the same result.

No, probably not. But sometimes surgery can prevent them from developing serious complications and illnesses that will eventually lead to horrible disabilities (eg. amputation from diabetes) and early death.

Nobody here is saying surgery is the ideal option but I really don't understand what's wrong with choosing to undergo surgery when you've tried for years to lose weight in the traditional way.

I know someone who had surgery to lose weight - absolutely fine - what i do class as 'cheating' or at least a bit dishonest is the fact they now lecture people on healthy diet and exercise when they did / still do neither. It paints the picture that they lost 9st in 6 months by eating less and moving more which is dishonest.

But i dont think its cheating anymore than having IVF is cheating to get pregnant. Weird idea!

No it is not cheating, if you are that overweight, it doesn't matter how you do it. I don't suppose surgery is easy.

If you're confident in your opinions, why not say them IRL?

None of my friends or family are currently considering weight loss surgery (several formerly obese family members have lost a massive amount of weight through diet and exercise though).
Therefore, who am I supposed to be having this conversation with?!
But no, I won't be sharing my views in real life. I think all sorts of things that I'd never verbalise around friends and family - surely any reasonably well-socialised adult is aware of this concept.

I’m a doctor (only mentioning it because to highlight that I have a decent grasp of biology and know how to lose weight) and I’ve had a gastric bypass. I lost the weight “naturally” three times. I regained it three times. I’ve always found dieting reasonably easy, but once I lost the weight, every time, I was overtaken by a ravenous hunger. And when I was so hungry I became less resilient and used food as more of a crutch.

I went for the bypass because my health was getting worse and worse and I want to be around to see my son grow up. “Achievement” didn’t come into it.

Having lost weight both ways, I have to say “natural” dieting was far, far easier. It involved less pain and less trial and error regarding what I can and can’t eat now. I’ve completely lost my appetite and my interest in food and it’s hard to make myself eat sometimes. Apparently it’ll be like this for a while and, hopefully, I’ll never be able to eat like I used to. But the anatomical and physiological changes from the surgery will, we hope, allow me to keep it off. It’s early days, but I don’t regret it yet.

To highlight, not because to highlight

(this was after years of therapy and medication and every diet under the sun)

I'm an ex hcp and have worked with patients before and after they have gastric bands/ bypasses etc and you are definitely not being unreasonable. There is still considerable hard work involved on behalf of the patient both before and after surgery.

Do you think it's really OK to perform this surgery on an 18-year-old (or even younger - in America they are referring pre-teens)?

I don’t know about America, but here only youngsters with severe, complex and long standing obesity are eligible for the surgery. I trust that our doctors aren’t going to be using this as first line treatment on anyone. It’s going to be a well considered balance of risks and only done where the patient is fully capable of consenting and has the support of their family. I really do not think a huge number of these operations will be performed.

As a society, we are not travelling in a positive direction.

I do agree with this though. We should be making it far easier for people not to become obese in the first place.

"Cheating" is a very strange word to use given that weight loss is not a competition or a game with rules to follow, it's a means of getting healthier. I don't think there's any easy way to lose weight but if someone finds one way easier than another, there's nothing wrong with taking that route. Weight loss surgery is not an easy route - it requires a different way of eating for life - but if it's what works for one person, there's nothing wrong with that.

I would wonder if the posters suggesting that others are better off not taking the “easy” route would also prefer to see people losing weight via a diet they find difficult to follow rather than one that fits comfortably into their lifestyle.

I’ve been overweight off and on for much of my life. Since having my third child, I’ve found it particularly difficult to lose weight. I’m active, and I’ll diet, but I can’t seem to maintain it. Food is a constant preoccupation. I’m always thinking about what I can eat next or how I won’t eat something, and then I get hungry and I eat it anyway. It is exhausting. Every aspect of my life is tainted by my weight. I don’t have photos with my children because I’m ashamed of how I look. Nothing I do feels good enough because I’m fat. Any accomplishment is tainted or lesser because I am fat. If all it took was me just trying a bit harder, then this wouldn’t be a problem. But it’s time we recognise that food and weight are much more complicated than that.

I’m in America, and I finally raised the issue with my doctor about a week ago. He prescribed a drug that is used for ADHD, but also indicated for binge eating disorder. After just a few days, the difference is unbelievable. I just don’t think about food in the same way. It doesn’t torment me. I can eat one cookie without feeling like I need five more. I’m calorie counting as well, and last night I felt hungry, but just sat with it. I didn’t feel any need to eat. It’s astonishing. Food just isn’t a preoccupation like it was before.

All this suggests to me that it isn’t only about willpower or hard work. Something in my brain was affecting my ability to eat less. It’s such a relief to have found something that feels like it might finally work. And, if that’s taking the easy way out, well, I’d rather do that and be happy than spend the rest of my life fighting this losing battle.

So bottom line.

You are overweight. You have a food addiction so you CANNOT, no matter how you have tried, lose weight by yourself using diet and exercise. A lot of people can but you are not one of those people.

You have weight loss surgery, you lose a shed load of weight but your life is never the same again because you derive no pleasure from food, you can only eat miniscule amounts, you can vomit or shit yourself if you eat the wrong thing....but happy days, you are thinner.

So it's be obese or live like that??

Christ there has to be some better alternative than to this extreme. Some woman only died there last month in Turkey getting a weight loss operation. How is this the norm in society?

Well I guess it is cheating a bit, in that you don’t need the same willpower to resist temptation. That said who cares, they have to go through a difficult recovery, can’t just have a blow out once every month and the outcome is the same, better health, feel and look better

Well I guess it is cheating a bit, in that you don’t need the same willpower to resist temptation

But thats exactly why most diets fail. Most human beings don't have the capacity to live in a state of miserable self denial their entire lives.

That’s what they end up with after surgery though?

Presumably surgery is the "easiest" option in that you wouldn't get surgery if absolutely anything else worked. It's too difficult to go thru if you had any alternative that could work instead.

Not easier just the easiest as in only possible (for those people).

^But thats exactly why most diets fail. Most human beings don't have the capacity to live in a state of miserable self denial their entire lives.^

That’s what they end up with after surgery though?

How do you know? The 3 people who have had it done in my life no longer feel hunger pangs.

It took time for their mind to settle into it though after the 8 month mark their hunger was no longer an issue.

It's a serious operation not to be taken lightly.