Weight loss via surgery 'cheating' comment

[PuttaMyDream]

In idle office conversation with a colleague. The subject of weight loss came up; I've lost around 6 stone since I started here so I look very different now.

She mentioned another colleague, who is also looking different after having a gastric band fitted, but colleague said she'd not lost weight 'properly' like me (as in, diet/exercise choices) and having surgery was 'cheating'.

However I think there's no easy way to lose weight, and from what little I know, weight loss surgery is tough going. I applaud anyone trying to improve their health, in any way.

aibu to think surgery isn't cheating at all and colleague is a bit judgemental?! I didn't know what to say.

fucking hell, imagine being pressed about this. Its the same vibe as when thin people get angry at confident fat people because they feel like they tried very hard to be slim and suddenly it becomes worthless because it wasnt a magical cure to happiness because...fat people also have lovely happy lives?

Imo the problem is not that it's "cheating", but that the existence of that option makes some people less motivated to try to control their weight in other ways, because it's seen as a safety net/last resort.

People say this about all kinds of things. I've frequently heard it when I tell people I only have an automatic driving licence and cant drive manual. I'm cheating apparently and should do it "properly"..I couldnt care less tbh, the end result is the same that I can drive a car. Same with dieting, its the end result that matters but some people dont like it when they think other people have achieved the same result as them but in their opinion havent put in as much effort, they feel like it's not fair.

So for those who think 'getting help' is cheating.

Is it cheating to go on anti-depressants or should people just 'cheer up'
Don't bother using that asthma inhaler - just avoid triggers and breathe deeper
Methadone isn't necessary - embrace the cold turkey with willpower

If you're fat (due to differences in genetics/hunger/habits formed in childhood/ pyschology/ hormonal differences/ gut microbiome/ prescribed medication/ stress response/ obesogenic environment/ continual stimulation of food triggers/ normalised capitalist overconsumption) why do you have to do it the hardest possible way - and the way it doesn't work?

It won't be just once, because we know that the body will defend a higher weight through stimulation of hunger hormones, so you need to constantly restrict your food intake - more than people who have never dieted.

Weight loss surgery changes this - the removal or part of the stomach affects the product of hunger hormones. It's the most successful long term solution to obesity - but apparently it's 'cheating'

I just wish I could afford it.

I wouldn't say cheating as others have said, it is not a competition.
BUT you take 2 people. Each weigh 22 stone. One works her arse off, cuts out all the crap, exercises, does everything possible to put in the work to lose the weight. it can be done, it is very very very hard but it is possible. I have huge admiration of people who do this.

Then you have the others who decide hard work is not for them and go to Turkey, throw their money down and get a gastric band or sleeve or whatever and start shedding pounds because they physically cannot eat as much as they were. So you lose weight fast.

Both people will have to actually GO lose weight as they don't take the weight away in surgery but one will be doing it with sheer willpower and determination and the other will be because they just can't eat that much because their stomach is now smaller.

Simple as that.

Or maybe diets don't actually work long term for the majority of people?

Its basically coming back to the 'fat people are lazy' argument.

I've had gastric surgery and no way is it the easy option.

-Surgery is tough, very painful afterwards.
-You have chronic, painful wind that feels like a heart attack from the gas they use to inflate the stomach to see.
-Recovery is quite hard.
-You drink nothing but liquids for a fortnight.
-Puree/baby food for another fortnight after.
-soft foods for 2 weeks after this.

• You cannot drink anything even water for 30 mins either side of Eating. FOREVER. No more dri ks with meals.
• You cannot enjoy food socially like before, which is very hard.

Most people that are at the point of having weightloss surgery are obese or morbidly so, people this side do not have normal, healthy eating habits. So to go from overeating, comfort eating and binging to not being able to eat more than a palmful of food is INCREDIBLY difficult to deal with psychologically.

You also have to deal with body DYSMORPHIA. The weight can come off so quickly your mind cannot keep up with it.

Loose skin is also a huge issue because of the rapid weightloss, this is often much less severe with natural loses.

Finally for the rest of your life you have to focus on a high protein, low carb, low sugar diet with 2.5 litres of water a day (and remember you cannot drink 30 mins before and after eating)

Oh and if you do cave and eat something sweet be prepared for extremely painful and embarrassing 'sugar dumping'... Vomiting and crapping yourself.

So not it's not easy.

But I suffered with eating disorders for 15 years and it's the best thing I've ever done!

Simple as that.

Except it really isn’t that simple. It’s a big deal to have a gastric band. It affects how you eat and stay active for the rest of your life or you put weight back on. There are risks to the operation and afterwards.

I went to Turkey. It wasn't that 'hard work wasn't for me' that's incredibly patronising.

I spent 15 years yoyoing due to childhood trauma and emotional eating disorders Inc Binge eating.

I did everything from slimmers world, to exante, to hypnotherapy, to personal trainers to the new saxenda pen.

Nothing worked because of my emotional dependancy on food.

I had CBT therapy. Hypnotherapy. Read all the books

I just couldn't break the cycle.

I had 15 years of hard work and dieting under my belt!

Also gastric bands are pretty much redundant now, they really don't work. 2 women that were with my in surgery were hladaving band to sleeve revisions.

The main operation now is the sleeve, with the bypass being preferred in the US it seems.

I really like the example above sheer will power vs getting help. Sheer willpower your way out of depression, child birth pain, hearing loss, sight loss, smoking. Never get help for anything and just be authentic. FFS. Anyway as they say about child birth - there's no medal at the end so go ahead and "cheat".

?? Surely only an arsehole would actually say that?

How is that cheating, though?

The person who chooses not to get surgery isn't missing out because other people do decide to go down that road.

It's also not a guaranteed fix and lots of people get surgery and continue to overeat anyway, or end up with infections or serious psychological problems.

So your surgery was really a last resort then.

Both people will have to actually GO lose weight as they don't take the weight away in surgery but one will be doing it with sheer willpower and determination and the other will be because they just can't eat that much because their stomach is now smaller.

But by that logic, all non-essential medical intervention is cheating 🤔

How can it be cheating when it's not a competition with rules?
Some people really are resentful little fuckers who can't bear the thought of anything coming what they perceive as easy to another human being.

I think people who have never struggled with their weight of been genuinely fat cannot comprehend the true difficulties of losing weight.

You don't get to 18 stone having a healthy relationship with food.

You don't get to the point of considering major surgery that can kill you without having food issues. It's not about being lazy nlor not wanting to go to the gym.

It's much deeper than that for most overweight people.
Food tends to be a crutch.

Would you tell someone who wears nicotine patches they are cheating? Is methadone cheating to drug addicts?

It's a tool for people with addictions.

Of course it was.

I know lots of (mainly women) who have had this surgery through support groups and not one of them has taken this decision lightly or had it as their first option.

They've all had surgery after multiple years of failed attempts at doin it alone.

From what i've seen what Rubygloomy says is no exaggeration.

I saw an interview with a young woman who had lost an amazing amount of weight with a band and looked fantastic - but we saw her going out to have pizza with her child and while he tucked into his deep pan she literally picked the chicken off her pizza and ate that as that was all she could have. No drink with this 'meal'. She said if she went off the tracks she'd be sick before she even left the restaurant! And this was her life now. No day off.

Hard core dedication to go through this.

Oh you also have to take multivitamins for the rest of your life!

So people might say 'oh it's cheating, that other person went to the gym for 2 years and did it naturally'

Yes but the penalty for doing it with surgery is you have to live like this for the rest of your life, which I really don't think is easier.

WTF is wrong with people that they could think of this as cheating?! You think there is some prescribed way to lose weight like it's an Olympic sport?!

Yes.

I went to a carvery with my whole family. My restriction was extreme that day and because I had some mashed potato along with my chicken and beef I ended up running to the toilet to be sick. Very embarrassing.

And you just sit therw feeling like an idiot because everyone else is sipping away, taking 60bmins to eat their 3 courses and you were full after 6 bites. So you just sit pushing your food around.
Very awkward if people don't know you've been sleeved too

What a fucking stupid comment. One it isn't any of her business. Two, it is major surgery and the person will never be able to eat a big plate, even if they fancy it and three it isn't a bloody competition.

Being morbidly obese is a serious health condition and treating it and being successful is what is important.

The same with csections or vaginal births. Both are giving birth. Both are difficult. There is no cheating.

I don’t think it’s cheating at all. I’ve heard people make the same comments about a colleague of mine who has had weight loss surgery. It’s not like people have the surgery and wake up 10 stone lighter the next day- it still takes, effort, motivation and discipline just like any other weight loss endeavour does

Buying clothes is cheating, its not like sewing your own and doing it properly
Buying socks is cheating, its not like knitting your own and doing it properly
Buying a cake is cheating, its not like baking your own and doing it properly
Buying veg is cheating, its not like growing your own and doing it properly
Driving a car is cheating, its not like walking on your own feet and doing it properly
Going to the dentist to have a tooth out is cheating, its not like pulling your own out and doing it properly
Going to A&E with a fracture is cheating, its not like setting the fracture yourself and doing it properly

AKA your colleague is an idiot