Denied boarding due to excess alcohol. What happens next when abroad?

[Cheeseandlobster]

I will try to keep the details vague and I know this isn't an aibu but I am posting for traffic

I flew home from holiday recently. At check in there was a woman in a wheelchair who looked unwell travelling with her dp and 2 young children. She was at our gate lying on the floor and her partner said she was drunk and had been the whole week they were away. He said he had had enough. The gate staff asked cabin crew who denied the woman boarding. At this stage her dp was openly crying and people were being really kind helping him to source spare nappies for his youngest and giving water etc. One woman in particular was being incredibly kind and helpful.

However the situation has been playing on my mind. She told cabin crew he was violent to her. The helpful lady said she had witnessed the woman physically going for her dp. But she did have a bruise on her face which he said was caused by falling over drunk. She was also verbally aggressive to staff.

So her dp and children boarded and she was left behind. Her dp said she had money but I don't know how much. I am certain insurance won't pay out for a hotel etc but she was obviously very vulnerable and it has been playing on my mind. I don't know whether the airline would have had a duty of care but the last I saw of her was her slumped sideways in the wheelchair at the gate. Violent or not she must have been very frightened and I don't know whether the airline would have looked after her. Does anyone know whether they would have ensured she was safe?

I'm with you OP - I'd have found this worrying.

If she was genuinely drunk why would he take her to the airport, make sure he told everyone she was drunk thereby ensuring she would just be left there? Was there any evidence of drinking rather than being drugged?
Did anyone pay any attention to her comments about his violence or did they just assume "disgusting drunk woman" and look the other way (which is what usually happens)?

Odd also that after a week of her being supposedly incapable the father didn't have the basics to care for his children.

Its possible she is a chronic alcoholic who refuses help, has failed to succeed with help and he is a struggling father. But the extremes men go to to control women coupled with that scenario would leave this in my mind in the same way.

Its a nonsense to say "if the positions were reversed" because they never are. It assumes an equality between men and women that doesn't exist.

A woman left incapable and unattended is more at risk because women are at risk from men in ways that men are not at risk from women. They are also far less likely to be believed in this scenario than a man.

Having RTFT, this is my takeaway too. The excuses being made for this woman are typical of the MN mindset that a man must've been to blame no matter what. No wonder this site has a growing reputation for being so toxic.

Wow this thread. Really easy to understand why men don’t come forward when they are victims.

If this was a few years ago I would think it was about an ex friend. She was an abusive alcoholic. Made a million promises that she wouldn’t get pissed on holiday again and she did. Her family got on their flight home and left her at the airport. Of course everyone was distraught but she had done this to herself. More than one person had witnessed her abuse to him over the years until he hit that enough moment. The children now live with him full time as even getting abandoned at the airport wasn’t enough for her to quit.

Waiting it out at the airport wasn’t an ideal environment for the children who took priority and who are the truly vulnerable.

The airport staff won’t help and why should they? The consulate won’t help and again why should they? My ex friend had to stay there for another 4 days as she kept getting pissed in the airport.

Oh and toddlers hit. Both my boys used to hit me when I had to pick them up as they hated being restrained and once all your luggage, buggy etc goes onto that plane your stuck with what you have. I’ve also been that daft git who packed all the nappies in the suitcase thinking I had some in carry on.

And shock horror the children needed water, maybe they had finished what they had bought in the airport.

Exactly @Youaremysunshine14 the 2 posts above yours are all 'poor woman' and absolutely reaching to find somehow anyway to absolutely her of responsibility for her actions. And still bloody blaming the father for no nappies and that's suspicious and fully on him. It does make the site look ridiculous this level of its always the man being bad and if a woman does do something wrong then she's been driven to it or neglected or whatever!

And shock horror the children needed water, maybe they had finished what they had bought in the airport

Yes I agree they can, especially if they have been there a while.

If she was genuinely drunk why would he take her to the airport, make sure he told everyone she was drunk thereby ensuring she would just be left there?

People press on, especially when stressed, and just maybe the husband was desperate to get the family home, hoped he could wing it, perhaps persuade to crew and other staff to let her on?

He then decided he has to use a wheelchair and he's then in the situation of having to explain why when he gets to the door...and I'll maintain what I said upthread, even if he had lied through his teeth about the reason for the wheel chair the crew would have worked it out.

Plenty of people, both male and female manage to get themselves denied boarding due drink even when travelling solo, so I'd not be rushing to concoct reasons and excuses why in this case the partner is to blame.

I agree. It also the reason why when my DH ex was reported, no one took it seriously, until something very dangerous and serious happened.

Perhaps their departure to the airport had been so chaotic they got forgotten or left behind. If there’s one word that describes life with an alcoholic it’s chaotic.

If she was genuinely drunk why would he take her to the airport, make sure he told everyone she was drunk thereby ensuring she would just be left there?

okish when left accommodation and carried on getting pissed at the airport
Tried leaving her but she made a scene and promises to drink coffee to help sober her up.

Would you prefer he lie to people and say something else? People would have probably asked if everything was ok when she was lying on the floor. Didn’t matter if because she was Ill or pissed, she was missing that flight. If he said ill medical people would have been called and that flight missed.

No what has actually happened is what does always happen - people hear the words "woman" and "drink" and take the man's word at face value and condemn the woman.

How do you know the woman was "clearly so drunk"? Were you there? The OP says she was incapable but the only evidence she has mentioned of the woman being drunk was the man's words. Plenty of women have been spiked and drugged.

She hadn't been "seen assaulting him" the OP received a second hand account of an "altercation".

The woman stated that the man was violent toward her and yet you jump to assume his version of events is true and not hers.

Its possible the woman is a chronic alcoholic who needs removing to help for her own good. Its also possible that the woman was telling the truth and the man was a liar.

Statistically the latter is the more likely in the absence of any other evidence of alcohol than his word. If she was so intoxicated that she was legless you would normally be able to smell it and people comment on that. There is usually some other sign. Maybe there was and the OP missed it but everyone is very quick to condemn a woman accused of drinking, and yes men use that to accuse women of lying.

I'm a woman, have run out of wipes/nappies plenty times because I've either used more than anticipated and run out, or simply forgotten to bring them in the chaos. 🤷‍♀️ It's not suspicious to need help sometimes with those things.
One of mine also drinks a lot of water, and would likely run out if we were held back at the airport, particularly if we were in a hot climate.

The woman was incredibly drunk, she couldn't board the plane. Why keep the probably already tired, distressed kids behind and have to pay for a new flight for everyone, because she rendered herself unable to board that flight?

"Nobody said they were."

Except for these as a sample

"
Yes I think it would be different if it were a man as the mother is usually primary parent and I think it would be very rare to be in that situation whereas I can imagine a lot of men (particularly those moaned about on MN) getting drunk all holiday while the wife does the childcare. Also being a woman she is more vulnerable in that state. Maybe I watch too much Netflix but I feel there is more to the story and I can see why it stuck with you."

"Well you only had her husband's word she had been drunk all week. A lot of assumptions about who is the one in the wrong and why. I do hope she was OK. Statistics would support he was more likely to be the perp than the victim of domestic abuse."

"Hmmm. Remember two sides and all that.

Vulnerable abused lady, father needs a public display to get kids, drugs or spikes her drink, she lashes out...

Not saying that's correct. But none of us know.

He left with children, lots of sympathy, as others have said none of the correct stuff.

She will hopefully get a flight and who knows."

Would drugging her cause her to be verbally abusive to staff? That alone would have been reasonable for the cabin crew to say no to her.

if this wasn’t the usual behaviour of the women she could have requested medical assistance rather than verbal abuse

There are shops at the airport.

No what has actually happened is what does always happen - people hear the words "woman" and "drink" and take the man's word at face value and condemn the woman.

No what has happened is posters like yourself has assumed the man must have something to do with it, when there is no evidence that is the case.

No wonder more men don't come forward.

You say people are very quick to condem the woman well people have been making up crap and trying to explain away stuff because he is a man. I can guarantee you that wouldn't happen if roles were reversed.

Another one excusing the woman's behaviour.

No what has actually happened is what does always happen - people hear the words "woman" and "drink" and take the man's word at face value and condemn the woman.

No, that’s not what happened. It’s not just the man’s word that people are basing their views on. First, the airline crew independently assessed the woman and also concluded she was drunk. Evidently, there must have been a smell of alcohol or other physical signs that the man was not lying, otherwise they would have flagged the situation up and called security. So that’s multiple independent people also examining the woman and concluding, yes she is drunk and furthermore is too drunk to fly. In addition, another woman present in the airport told the OP that she had seen the woman “go for her DP” as in attempt to physically assault him. So we have another eye witness who was there to listen to. Finally, the OP herself witnessed the woman being verbally aggressive to the airline crew.

So really we have the man’s word, plus the airline crew’s word, plus the eyewitness woman’s word, plus the OPs word all against the woman in the wheelchair claiming the man was abusive towards her. Who to believe? Man plus half a dozen witnesses that included women, or one woman clearly drunk and clearly verbally aggressive?

Yes I am aware. I even said maybe they had finished the water bought at the airport.

Maybe she'd spent so much on alcohol there was no money left? Not unusual for a drunk to make their need for alcohol more important than providing for their kids.

@Cheeseandlobster @TabithaTittlemouse @UndertheCedartree
Thank you for your kind wishes. Nearly sixty years ago but as clear as if it happened yesterday.

Thats probably his fault as well. Giving her money to enable her drinking. 🙄

The staff would not just have left her lying on the floor, someone must have got her back in the wheelchair and moved somewhere safer.

You are augmenting the story.

If we stick to the bare facts from the OP, she says she saw the man tell everyone the woman was drunk. The woman was incapable. There is no comment that she smelled of alcohol or anything else from the OP. Perhaps the OP will clarify that one way or the other.

The woman had a bruise on her face and told staff he was violent to her, he claims she fell down drunk. Since nobody saw the incident causing the bruise we don't know which of them is lying. People can present as verbally abusive under the influence of drugs, especially if they are not being believed. One person said there was an altercation, that she went for the husband but viewed that being told the woman was drunk, not half a dozen witnesses.

As I said - the woman may be a chronic alcoholic in need of help or even sectioning. He could also be the abuser leaving a woman vulnerable and alone in a foreign country.

One way for men to guarantee themselves sympathy is to accuse the mother of being a drinker or drugs user. Its a very common tactic, and if witnesses believe someone is drunk it colours their reporting of incidents. Women judge alcoholic women just as harshly as men do. Hence for me the jury is out in the absence of any other facts.

In either case, even if the woman was a chronic alcoholic she should not have been left unattended in the airport. Women are absolutely at more risk in this situation than men.

Agree with these comments. I'd like to say I was shocked at the amount of minimising of the woman's behaviour, victim blaming, and the creative genius in trying to alleviate the cognitive dissonance and prove that it's all his fault. But it's par for the course.

It sounds really distressing.
i would have been worried that she wasn’t drunk, but had a head injury, given the bruised face.
the behaviour of the small child is very worrying too. The whole situation sounds terrible and would also prey on my mind, especially as there is no way to establish quite what is happening. Those poor children.