Denied boarding due to excess alcohol. What happens next when abroad?

[Cheeseandlobster]

I will try to keep the details vague and I know this isn't an aibu but I am posting for traffic

I flew home from holiday recently. At check in there was a woman in a wheelchair who looked unwell travelling with her dp and 2 young children. She was at our gate lying on the floor and her partner said she was drunk and had been the whole week they were away. He said he had had enough. The gate staff asked cabin crew who denied the woman boarding. At this stage her dp was openly crying and people were being really kind helping him to source spare nappies for his youngest and giving water etc. One woman in particular was being incredibly kind and helpful.

However the situation has been playing on my mind. She told cabin crew he was violent to her. The helpful lady said she had witnessed the woman physically going for her dp. But she did have a bruise on her face which he said was caused by falling over drunk. She was also verbally aggressive to staff.

So her dp and children boarded and she was left behind. Her dp said she had money but I don't know how much. I am certain insurance won't pay out for a hotel etc but she was obviously very vulnerable and it has been playing on my mind. I don't know whether the airline would have had a duty of care but the last I saw of her was her slumped sideways in the wheelchair at the gate. Violent or not she must have been very frightened and I don't know whether the airline would have looked after her. Does anyone know whether they would have ensured she was safe?

What does this have to do with the OP? Oh yeah, nothing...you're just determined to drag women down and make us feel sorry for the poor menz.

So in your world women can never ever be in the wrong? That it was definitely the husband's fault his wife was so pissed she had to be pushed in a wheelchair and was barred from boarding the plane?

You know, I don't remember ticking the 'you must hate men to be a member' box when I registered for my MN account but clearly one's been introduced.

Well in my world women don't all float around on clouds and sprout angel wings.

'Menz' are you 5

No. Some of us can use logic and think rationally.
Not all women are perfect and not all men are always wrong.
Not all women are victims and not all men are their abusers.

A situation occurred at that airport, that we have been told some details about. Those details would be exactly the same whether the OP had witnessed a man being drunk and his wife in tears, or the woman being drunk and the man in tears.

We all know that if it had been the man lying in the floor abusing the staff, the responses on here would be very different.

We cannot decide that because it was a woman, that this must have been 'done to her' for some nefarious reason.

It's not 'being a handmaiden' to make the assumption that this situation was exactly what it looked like, and that the man and the children were the victims here. Coming up with a rational explanation that just happens to mean that the man is not at fault, is not being a handmaiden, any more than a female judge in a court case involving a female abhorred is being a handmaiden for finding her guilty.

Involving a female ABUSER.

Damn autocorrect.

No. Not a single poster has said women can never be in the wrong.

People are saying it's quite possible that there was more than meets the eye with this situation, that it's possible the partner was abusive, that he was lying about her being drunk, that he'd sedated her or plied her with booze...none of this is all that unusual, let alone impossible. Painting their victim as the wrongdoer (and going as far as to completely sabotage the victim) to garner sympathy and play the hero is literally part of the playbook for abusive men.

Yes, maybe he was 100% telling the truth and she's an abusive alcoholic and he's had enough. But OP felt like something was off about the situation, and there have been plenty of cases where a man portraying himself as calm, rational and reasonable while the woman at his side appeared hysterical, actually turned out to be the abuser. Look up Brian Laundrie and Gabby Petito. Look at the police bodycam footage of when they got stopped in their van. She's devastated and hysterical because he had been abusing her for weeks and he then killed her shortly afterwards. He was calm as a cucumber, appearing polite and pleasant and even joking with the police. I'm 100% sure someone like you would have watched that footage and been all "poor guy, he's so lovely and he has to deal with that crazy bitch." If the police had been trained to look a bit deeper and not take things at face value, the poor woman might be alive today.

Why is it so hard for you to think in any way that isn't black and white?

You have just proven posters point.

If it was the man in the wheelchair, virtually no one would be saying there is possibly more than meets the eye, or she could have piled him with booze, or she is abussive. They just wouldn't.

Yet any male in that situation is automatically under superstition.

People are saying it's quite possible that there was more than meets the eye with this situation, that it's possible the partner was abusive, that he was lying about her being drunk, that he'd sedated her or plied her with booze...none of this is all that unusual, let alone impossible

And I'd bet my month's pension that had the drunken party been a man, and the tearful person a woman, not a single MNer would have considered that to be a possibility.

Women gets drunk… man gets blame.

that’s the jist right.

Sorry but nobody is getting pissed by 10am by force. They would of been checking out, on the coach to the airport then in the airport. If she didn’t want to drink there would of been plenty of people around for her to not drink. She made choices. Bad ones. Not all men are bastards all the time.

This is the pickme mentality!!!

Men and women are not the same. They just aren't. The vast majority of domestic abuse is carried out by men towards female partners. It's much more dangerous to be a drunk woman alone in a public place than a drunk man. Fact.

I'm not saying it's impossible that a man is being abused by a woman, but talking in general terms and likelihoods, yes, the chances of the woman being the abused partner are much higher, and the chances of a woman coming to harm when left alone drunk at a foreign airport are much higher.

This is basic common sense.

Yes because I said not all the time are they in the wrong ffs. Hope none of you have male children since they are clearly all going to be abusive rapists who hate women so much. By what people on here clearly believe anyway.

also best be single. Would hate for you to be married to the 100% guaranteed man that is always abusive and in the wrong.

No.

Different people have different views and differing life experiences. Shock horror.

And no it isn't all men, unless you think that all men you know including sons/nephers etc are abusers.

You are clearly very very angry at the male of the species @pixie5121.
Why on earth is recognising that maybe the female is the drunk, being a handmaiden or a picked?

My mum is an alcoholic and abusive. She could behave in this way. She may have just been having a good time but the likely hood is she has a problem. Alcoholics are liars and highly manipulative so I would expect that he had just had enough. As for the child hitting it is just as likely in this specific situation that she is the abuser. My mum would regularly try to hit my dad but be too drunk to actually manage it and usually end up hurting herself as he moves out of the way. Then the next day would say he hit her etc. she was usually too drunk to remember what happened or that we were there when it happened so would make up a story which was complete nonsense. The snippet you saw may or may not have been a true reflection on their life but your judgement of the dad is clear and not justified imo.

Why on earth would discussing the possibility that the woman at the airport may be in an abusive relationship (as she claimed to be, no one invented that to make men look bad, some people have just chosen to disbelieve her) mean that we should think our sons are abusive rapists, or that we hate men? Do you think because the woman at the airport was drunk, all women, including any female child you have, will be problem drinkers?

In this case the evidence overwhelmingly points to the abusive drunk being the woman. The bizarre conspiracy theories would not be touted if the sex roles were reversed in the op. Most domestic violence is aimed towards women by men but men can also be victims as the evidence indicates in this case.

The mentality which calls out sexism and inequality is feminism imo. Ignoring the evidence and making women the victims no matter what is sexist towards both men and women. Women are not always victims of men. They can be perpetrators of violence and abuse and the evidence in this case means that this is by far the most likely explanation

Not just about this one women. But many attitudes on here that seem to always believe no matter what the situation the man is always an abusive Arsehole. With women being called pick me or hand maids for merely pointing out the man appears to be doing nothing wrong yet gets the blame for merely being a man.

The man only appears to be doing nothing wrong in this situation if we decide the woman was lying to cabin crew that he was violent; and we decide to believe him, not her, that the bruise on her face was from 'walking into a door' or similar.
The only facts seem to be she was drunk and aggressive and told staff her partner had assaulted her. Given being drunk and aggressive doesn't preclude a woman from being assaulted by her partner, it's entirely possible for all of that to be true.

It is this always give women the benefit of a doubt attitude that lead to my DH ex getting away with what she did for as long as she did. After all a woman couldn't possibly be violent.

It was only when it got to literally a matter of life and death that notice started to be taken.

It’s estimated that 1 in 4 women will be a victim of dv
and 1 in 6/7 men will be a victim of dv

Those figures are shockingly close to each other especially if you belief that all men are abusive bastards.

Men are also two and a half times less likely to tell anyone about their abuse. Not surprising really when the man in the airport is getting blamed.

But yea I will carry on being a so called handmaiden for knowing and seeing men being abused by women including financial abuse.

But if we believes she is drunk, we believe she was acting aggressively towards staff and another witness say she saw her go for her dh.

Then she is a abusive violent drunk.

just as If you changed she to he then he would be an abusive violent drunk.

so if he is abusive you’ve actually got two abusive people not an innocent women or an innocent man just two arseholes.

we can only judge by what we see and often abusers will try and claim they they are the victim and when it’s a women saying she’s the victim we believe her. When a man says his the victim we go oh but statistically your more likely to abuse her so we don’t believe you.

I wasn't judging the man or the woman. I don't know enough to do that. I feel sorry for that little girl though if she is indeed copying what she sees at home from either parent. I just hoped the woman got home OK which was the main point of my post. Alcoholic or not, she wasn't safe being left alone in that state in another country and I was hoping to hear that she would have been taken care of at the airport while she was like that

I feel sorry for that little girl though if she is indeed copying what she sees at home from either parent.

It's not necessarily copying. Just think how upset and confused you were as a bystander. Now imagine you're that small child, anger,fear,worry,tiredness,confusion etc all building up in you and mummy (good or bad,it's irrelevant to children) is gone, and depending how much she understood daddy left her behind and he is crying and so on. That is a lot for anyone to handle , even more so a small child with no ability to rationalise or verbalise those feelings. It's actually not that a strange or suspicious reaction to a very stressful situation.