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To want to know WHY my child isn't included
179

Cakemamma19 · 22/06/2022 20:31

So my DC is 2.5 years old and has been going to nursery since 9 months old. DC has a few friends there and gets on pretty well day to day. DC has had birthday parties only small because thier birthday is in December and covid/lockdown was rife both years we celebrated. I recently learned that 3 children have had birthday parties at softplay and community centres and invited the rest of the class but not my child. Its upset me a little for my little one but more than that i am left questioning why my child isn't included. DC is absolutely lovely, gets on with everyone, is kind and very bright.
I cant think why they would leave her out.
my baby is deaf and wears double hearing aids so does struggle a bit with communication sometimes. I'm not saying this is the reason at all. But just don't want to drip feed . Should I mention this to any of the parents in passing or just keep my mouth shut? What would you do in this situation?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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SummerHouse · 22/06/2022 20:38

Very strange. I would question the authenticity of that because if three people have deliberately excluded one child, then that's really shit. But I would be more inclined to the the information you have been given is exaggerated. Some people are very awkward about disability but they need to get over that and be better parents and better people. If she has been left out because she is deaf then they should be ashamed of themselves.

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Mellowyellow222 · 22/06/2022 20:38

i am so sorry - this must be upsetting.

rather Than approach the parents, could you ask the staff if they have noticed any issues in how your child interacts? Explain why your are worried.

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TulipsTwoLips · 22/06/2022 20:40

Does your nursery give out a class list? If so I'm wondering if your child isn't on it?

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Bells3032 · 22/06/2022 20:43

It seems very odd to leave out one child. Most nurseries I know have a policy that you can't leave out just one student. Like the poster above I'd speak to the teacher and see if there's anything your missing in interactions. Sadly it may be the parents just didn't think they could cope etc.

It may just be something innocent. Are your contact details correct on the class list. They could of sent you an invite but just went to your spam or your phone number is wrong. Or the invite was part of a class WhatsApp group you haven't joined.

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Beees · 22/06/2022 20:43

TulipsTwoLips · 22/06/2022 20:40

Does your nursery give out a class list? If so I'm wondering if your child isn't on it?

This was my first thought.

At 2.5 your child will be in a room with children who do different hours and days to her and therefore the only way parents would know who to invite would be by using a list.

The chances are they don't even know your child has hearing aids so I wouldn't jump to that conclusion.

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Staynow · 22/06/2022 20:44

Did any of the children having b'day parties get invited to your dd's party? It might just be as simple as that.

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Fushiadreams · 22/06/2022 20:46

Are you sure every child was included? It would be highly unusual for three parents to all do this. So I suspect something else is going on. Missed emails or exaggerated that everyone else goes.

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SemperIdem · 22/06/2022 20:52

Unless your child is a biter (which you would have been made aware of), it seems unlikely that 3 sets of parents would deliberately exclude them. There must be a reasonable explanation.

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LuaDipa · 22/06/2022 21:00

When my kids were in nursery I asked the staff who were there on the same days as my dc so I knew who to invite! I definitely wouldn’t have even thought of inviting all of the children at that age, particularly since mine only went a couple of days so might not have even known all the kids. It could also be that some of the parents know each other outside nursery.

I would mention it to the staff they may be able to tell you what’s what.

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AliceMcK · 22/06/2022 21:14

Last year I only invited 5 children, asked the nursery for names of the children my dd played with most. This year I’ve based it off the Christmas list and asked my dd if they still go to preschool with her. I’ve not included everyone as I didn’t want 20 preschoolers at once at home, I invited 12 mainly based on names my dd talks about.

I honestly wouldn’t have a clue which child’s which apart from the 1 child still at preschool who came to last years bday party. Today was the first time I got to put names to faces at a graduation ceremony.

I know it’s hard though. Pre covid my dd went to a nursery where she was left out of parties because of the stuck up clicky parents. It hurt me more than her. She’s five in august and only just got her first birthday party invite. She has no idea, she knows she’s been to parties as she’s been to her sisters and she’s had one.

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rattlemehearties · 22/06/2022 21:16

I assume the parents know each other and don't know you?

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UrsulaPandress · 22/06/2022 21:18

It's heartbreaking isn’t it?

But I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation.

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SandyWedges · 22/06/2022 21:21

I'm wondering if there's a class list or the 1st parent missed your DC out accidently and then passed on the last to the 2nd two.

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TolkiensFallow · 22/06/2022 21:22

I think you should speak to the nursery and ask if they have out names but not your child’s. You need more info.

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Mytoddlerisamazing · 22/06/2022 21:24

Is it literally the whole of the rest of the class bar your DD? That is very odd. Are the invites given out via nursery?

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teezletangler · 22/06/2022 21:26

This is pretty strange for nursery. Most children that age wouldn't have terribly strong feelings about who to invite to a party or specifically want to leave someone out. I'd definitely talk to the staff!

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CallmeMrsPricklepants · 22/06/2022 21:34

I'd talk to the staff. Either

1/ your kid is horrible and no one wants them (unlikely)

2/ you're not on the list that gets handed out, possibly because of which days your DD goes in

3/ you miss the invitation (have you got 3 bits of wet paper in the bottom of your dds bag??)

4/ the info is exaggerated and they were smaller parties.

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Muchtoomuchtodo · 22/06/2022 21:39

I didn’t have any contact numbers for dc’s ‘friends’ at pre school nursery and they didn’t like us leaving notes for other parents so we never invited any nursery kids to dc’s parties at that age.

you could ask staff at nursery how your dc interacts with these other kids but I wouldn’t overhung it at this age.

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Panamera22 · 22/06/2022 21:56

Op that’s awful for you - I’m sure your mind is working overtime trying to guess the reason why. It could well be that the parents are friends and nothing at all to do with your child. I excluded one child from one of my dcs parties but it was widely know that this child was bullying my DC. I remember his mother challenging me about it and also going to the school to complain.

I felt awful but I couldn’t have my child uncomfortable at their own party!!

I second asking the teachers is they are aware of anything. I’m sure it’s so hurtful for you.

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Cakemamma19 · 22/06/2022 22:04

She only had her parents and grandparents/cousins at both her birthday parties because of covid/lockdowns

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Lifeismeh · 22/06/2022 22:04

my little boy has only been invited to parties of children he shares his full sessions/nursery days with. Some children share half a day with the party child and weren’t invited.
hes missed a lot because he doesn’t cross over with many of them.

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Mariposista · 22/06/2022 22:05

Are the other mums friends between themselves? Such little children don’t really have ‘friends’ they have mums whose kids are a similar age. Try not to worry OP. I’m sure this will improve tenfold when she starts school.

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Cakemamma19 · 22/06/2022 22:10

My daughter goes the same days / mornings each week and it's always the same children in her class. Its only a small montessori nursery

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MrsWarboyss · 23/06/2022 00:04

Why the need to mention that she's 'very bright'? Do you go on about this to the other mums? Could be a reason for no invite

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Cakemamma19 · 23/06/2022 01:47

I meant despite her being deaf she's doing well. And no, I'm not that sort of parent. I understand each child has their own way and meeta milestones in thier own time. If she's asked to do something by a peer she can lip read or interpret body language and follow instructions etc. This is what I meant.

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