To ask this of my neighbours?

[Donaldduck22]

I am on the autistic spectrum so sometimes I find it hard to know whether certain social things are okay. I'm going away for a week and need someone to come in daily to feed my cat and sort his litter tray would it be okay to ask my neighbour? I would pay her and tell her there was no obligation. I'm just a bit worried about having a stranger come in the house in case they Rob me. I suppose I could put my cat in a cattery but I know he would really hate it. I don't know my neighbour super well, on a chatty level we say hello and have a chat occasionally.

Again - and I say this as a fellow autistic person - reframe your thinking.

Why would somebody who owns a business, and presumably relies on their good name to earn a living, be more likely to steal from you than a person you vaguely know who lives next door to you and owes you nothing?

If you're as black and white as I am, you will be able to process this.

I’ve had cats. I like cats. I’d feed a neighbours cat. I’d never change a neighbours cats litter though. That’s another level. You need to hire someone

Find a local cat sitter if you don't trust your neighbour. If you have a neighbours facebook group or Nextdoor page you'll probably find a recommendation.

For what it's worth I have cats and would happily mind any of my neighbours felines, including poo duty. I would want a cat owner or at minimum cat lover to look after mine though. Anyone minding cats needs to be ok potentially dealing with any of the many fluids that may be left as gifts.

@PoseyFlump I read that, I know that, I still find it bizarre that she would think this is even remotely likely. I can understand her disliking strangers in her home, but assuming they may steal when they are providing a professional service and are the only ones with access goes against all logical thinking. It's logic not social awareness that's the problem here.

@MushyPeasPrincess I agree. But it's not totally out the realms of possibility. Even on MN there are threads about cleaners stealing.

I too find it bizarre that the OP seems to be almost assuming a professional person like that would steal from her.
It defies logic and is quite unpleasant

The OP has stated that they are Autistic. This might mean it feels harder to have someone else in their space and feel safe doing so.

I'd ask the neighbour, you could just say 'Hi X, I'm away next week, so I'm looking for someone to sort the cat out, it's totally ok to say no but just wondered if it's something you'd be interested in doing before I contact cat sitters"
I'd text them if I could rather than ask face to face.
Hope you get something sorted :)

It's not the pet sitter that steals from you..... it's their mate the burglar three weeks later.

It wouldn't be in the cat sitter's interest to steal from you because it would ruin their reputation and affect their ability to find future work as they tend to get work from repeat customers and word of mouth/reviews.

Cat sitters also tend to work locally to their home or place of work so it would be easy to find a pattern of theft if this is something they do.

I’d personally find someone locally who does it as a job. My dog Walker also feeds cats etc. I mean you could ask, and she might be obligated to say yes. But some people would struggle with the litter tray. I’d do it though if my neighbour asked, because it’s a neighbourly thing to do

I think this indirect approach is an excellent and sensitive approach

Just to clarify: the cat is too anxious to leave the house. OP is anxious to have strangers into the house. These anxieties are not going to be cured by logic or by anyone telling them to pull themselves together. OP has to find a way for them and their cat without too much stress.

Well done. I think that's the right decision for you, your neighbour and your cat.

Cat sitters really care about cats too. Mine sends me photos and videos!

She won't steal from you, she's a professional

I'm quite aware that the OP states they are autistic. That doesn't automatically go hand in hand with assuming that a professional cat sitter will steal from them, or get the key cut to pass on to their thieving mates!

Please let's not make the leap from disability= unpleasant thought processes

I don't think it is an unpleasant thought process. It's more an irrational fear. Like my fear of spiders.

We could also not make the leap from really anxious to unpleasant.

This. You're much safer hiring a professional.

my neighbour is always happy to help with my cats, her's go to a cattery (have done since they were kittens). I often put her bins out and wwater her plants. I wouldn't say we were friends but its a neighbourly thing to do. 😁

But a fear of spiders doesn't hurt anyone else. It's offensive to assume that professional pet carers are untrustworthy thieves.

I'm also autistic so I understand why OP is reluctant but equally having autism doesn't mean you shouldn't be challenged if your thought processes are damaging and unfair to others.

@coffeecupsandfairylights I see posters on MN time and time again saying 'I'm autistic and don't do this so neither should you'. The OP is being HONEST about their anxieties. It's fine to explain why it's not likely to happen (you can't give a 100% guarantee it wouldn't) but it's wrong to chastise in this way imo.

If OP is allowed to be honest and basically insult an entire profession due to her anxieties, then other people should be allowed to be equally as honest in response IMO 🤷🏻‍♀️

@PoseyFlump Yes I understood that the cat would prefer to be at home. I was trying to help op by assuring her, I was in no way suggesting she pulls herself together otherwise I wouldn't have bothered to post twice with reasons why this is very unlikely to happen. My intention was to allay her fears about this. I personally used thinking logically as part of CBT and found it helpful in disputing irrational anxieties and questioning unhelpful thoughts with evidence and facts over fears and feelings. I don't think concern about a stranger stealing from you is like a phobia.

I pay my neighbour’s eldest to look after my cat when I’m away. No harm in asking at all!

That's true, but (hopefully?) would be quite rare.

Op - get a recommendation from your vets (it may even be their own vet nurses, as I know many do bits on the side) itll be fine.