To assume lots of people are finding life a bit shit at the moment? Or is it just me?

[TheCatIsBack]

I feel completely flat at the moment. I'm wondering if I'm depressed, or if it's just that life in general is a bit shit for everyone at the moment with cost of living stuff and COVID stuff that maybe actually what I'm feeling is normal?!

Is it just me, and should I get some help, or just roll with it and know that it's a fairly universal thing just now?

Deffo not alone , the flattest I’ve felt in a long time 🌸

I’m so sorry everyone is struggling so much. I feel it too. We are relatively well paid and the worry about money is relentless.

I feel like I’m thinking about it every day. Every hour of every day. The smart meter sits in the counter and we check it constantly. I think I’m going to put it away. It’s too awful to keep looking at really.

the freezer saved us last week before payday so I’ve frozen some delicious food this evening so we have a backup later in the month.

God this all feels desperate

Is it bad that this thread is making me feel less alone?! Solidarity to all of us feeling this way.

I’ve been depressed previously but never this persistent malaise and emptiness that I do now. I do feel like external factors play a big part.

A PP mentioned WFH and that’s definitely triggering this lull for me. I worked onsite in a pandemic related role for the last 2 years, which left me burnt out and exhausted but fulfilled. I was headhunted for a more senior role in the private sector, and my new role is primarily WFH (2 days onsite). I was pushed so hard over the last 2 years, I jumped at the chance…and now I miss the camaraderie of my last job. Even when I’m in the office, it’s missing the ‘in the trenches together’ feeling that I used to have.
Meanwhile the gap between the have’s and have-nots is widening everyday. I’ve been in survival mode for 2years and friends around me have bought houses and are on kid 1/2. I’ve finally come up for air and realised I’m 34, in an extortionate rental that leaves me no savings and am scared I’ll never be financially secure enough to have a child of my own. I feel like just a minute ago I was a bright young thing with everything exciting ahead, where has time gone?!

2022 has been horrendous for me and I don’t even have the headspace to take in what’s going on in the world anymore I honestly just take life day by day . Skint and we both work full time anytime we do feel things are going to get better another disaster happens. Going into the office is a total nightmare for me my colleagues are totally self absorbed and there is little conversation which isn’t about work . I find most people are very dry and interactions seem superficial and it’s a bit like we are all cardboard cutouts of our 2019 selves just saying the right things but there’s no connection or empathy with people .

Following to post tomorrow

For me personally, what has hit hardest over the past 2 years has not been Covid, the lockdowns, the isolation and neverending nothingness/waiting game, but the unbelievable reality that whilst inflation is stated to be 9%, the reality is that it is at least 25% for everything i buy, but the cost of housing where i lived has doubled.

I see stats that it has gone up a little bit... Utter rubbish. Purchasing a house has doubled where i live, easily.

It means younger people and those professionals like teachers, doctors and nurses, police, fire service personnel, they all have no chance in hell of owning a home unless they inherit.

"property buys property".... Nothing else will, no matter how hard you work. 100k salaries barely afford a 2 bed flat with cladding issues/6k annual service charges.
Housing costs are causing society to crumble and sucking the life out of where i live. Cant remember last seeing a young family with children living in a house, it is all old people who bought years ago.

I feel like just a minute ago I was a bright young thing with everything exciting ahead, where has time gone?!

I felt that, @CityKittie - no advice but I'm sorry you're feeling this way

In all honesty, my cat is the only thing keeping me here. Once she's gone, so am I.

I've had nearly fifty years of terrible struggle, and frankly I see no future at all for myself...life just gets worse and worse every year. There really is no point any more.

Yes, completely flat. Mum diagnosed with stage 4 cancer lat year, recently told by a nurse she probably won't make it to Christmas. My dad seems to have aged 10 years in just one, so I'm imagining we'll lose him too.
FIL seems to be entering final stage of COPD.
We've had to sit at the death beds of two grandparents in the last 6 months.
My best friend of 23 years, who's 34, is probably going to need a liver transplant soon.
And we're going through some pretty major upheavals at home.
I just feel done. All the things I usually enjoy I don't see the point of. Any little task sends me into a state of anxiety. I have to see old friends soon and I just dont want to, despite loving them all. And it doesn't really feel like there's an end in sight.

I find most people are very dry and interactions seem superficial and it’s a bit like we are all cardboard cutouts of our 2019 selves just saying the right things but there’s no connection or empathy with people

YES!!

@MissWired I'm sorry to hear you feel so awful.

People who say their friends have become more selfish, what do you mean exactly? Like more self-absorbed and not willing to listen/make time for you? I haven't noticed much change in my friendships and hoping that doesn't mean I am that person

For me it's the not bothering to get back to me if I message. I'm fine with people not being able to do things but just tell me! Sometime within the next week will do, but check messages and reply to those who need a reply. It's the rudeness of being left hanging I can't stand and the flaking out last minute. We all have times we've committed to something and then don't feel like doing it when the time comes, but it's rude to let others down so people shouldn't do it. What they should do is think more carefully about what they commit to in the first place to minimise this situation occurring. Making the first move is important too. If you don't want to contact someone first that's fine, but if that person reaches out to you and you brush them off with busy/skint/not upto it (all of which could be genuine but could also be excuses and the person who asked you out doesn't know which) it's then on you to get back to them in the future when you're less busy/have money/feeling better. I'm not going to keep contacting someone if they keep brushing me off and never get back to me with alternative date/activity.

I was wondering the same. Friendships come up over and over again. Did your friends not stay in touch over lockdown? Did you realise you were doing it all? Reevaluate what they bring to your life? What happened to friendships?
I had a bereavement. Most of my ex-friends don't even know about it. I couldn't face the conversation where you call someone up and they ask how you are, how so-and-so is and you've to tell them the news. In 2yrs not one of them has contacted me for any reason, even the one who knew it was happening soon never contacted me again. I feel that people are wrapped up in their families and social media and aren't bothering with proper real life friendships any more.

OP I hear you, life feels unbelievably tough right now. Also agree with those saying happy people won't post on this thread. The way Mumsnet works is if they did they'd get jumped on and told to read the room, despite the thread title inviting responses from everyone. I hope life improves for you soon.

If you don't want to contact someone first that's fine, but if that person reaches out to you and you brush them off with busy/skint/not upto it (all of which could be genuine but could also be excuses and the person who asked you out doesn't know which) it's then on you to get back to them in the future when you're less busy/have money/feeling better
I agree with this- Covid forced a lot of to re evaluate our lives. we also all had to think of ourselves first (again necessary ) but I fear it has made us all very selfish- everyone else has to just suck it up if you drop out/ don't make an effort etc etc as it has become normal to just think of yourself - rather than you as part of a larger than yourself community.

😢❤

I do think MN is a bit of an odd one when it comes to friends - the typical friend relationship on here is incredibly transactional, quite fragile and insecure. There’s a lot of perceived slights and ‘nod and smile, it’s none of your business’ is favoured over candid or honest conversations with friends. And then posters complain about not having ‘deep’ bonds with people.

personally my friends are a mixed bunch, some are very close and we share everything and can fall out/make up with zero damage - almost like sisters. Some are more ‘contact a few times a year, going out or gig’ type friends, but I probably wouldn’t contact them just to have a moan about something. Most forget my birthday, I forget theirs bar about 4. We go in & out of contact, lapse and then get back together. It’s all good as far as I’m concerned and I don’t ever feel lonely.

@Diamond7272 i agree completely about housing.

It has been helpful to know that there are a lot of people that feel similarly and in a similar timeframe, so in a way I know it's not just me. But I get what you mean that I shouldn't judge my own feelings on the feelings of others.

I work for the NHS (in an outpatient setting) and work is pretty shit at the moment. I used to love my job and now I really don't. Our service feels like it is failing and my manager seems to have mentally checked out so there is nowhere to go with the feeling that we are no longer just treading water (which we have been doing throughout COVID), but now actually sinking.

We had our first holiday in 3 years and 2 of the 4 of us had D&V so it really spoilt the time away and I was pretty gutted about that.

It was reminiscent of the time that I had PND when my youngest was 6 months old. We went to family for Christmas and I had been hopeful that I would get a bit of a break and someone else would help out for a while. But the reality was just parenting in a place where we had none of our own toys or the familiarity of home, and I went home broken. I feel the same after this holiday. It was the straw that broke the camel's back and I can't seem to lift myself out of this black hole that I feel like I'm in.

Financially things aren't great. My DP earns a heap more than me (3x) and has suggested we pay more into our joint account each month, but I already pay half of my wage into the joint pot and I can't afford to pay any more. (My DC aren't his so I pay all their stuff too). Money is a constant worry and I always think I need to be working/earning more.

Sorry that was a bit of a rant!

The no joy thing is definitely something I am familiar with. I can have a laugh sometimes but having been quite a positive person in the past I'm really struggling to find joy in anything at the moment. Even the weather has been shit so the long walks that I enjoyed over the last 2 years of the pandemic haven't happened much this year.

Sending unmumsnetty hugs. Hope you managed to talk to the GP.

So sorry you are feeling so low @MissWired

💐

Thank you to everyone who has replied, and I'm sorry that there are so many who are feeling it too. The relentlessness is so hard and trying to hold things together for the sake of the DC is utterly exhausting.

Thanks to whoever the poster was who suggested writing down one thing a day you are grateful for. I had a gratitude journal previously and it really worked so as of tomorrow I will start trying to keep up with that too. I used to try and take a photo a day of something that has made me smile (usually the sea, or a flower, or something colourful) and post it on Instagram where nobody follows me so I am only really doing it for myself with 3 things I have been grateful for that day.

I've got a GP appointment next week for something else so might mention how I've been feeling when I go to that depending on how things are at that point.

In a good place right now. Kids are happy and doing well at school, both enjoy our jobs, good social life and friends etc. But hasn't always been that way and life is hard for many now with cost of living and coronavirus

I don't feel like the same person I was before covid. I think it's probably affected many of us quite profoundly, dealing with a life threatening pandemic, then having to go back to 'normal' . And then the ongoing war in Ukraine. I had covid in 2020 and it's left me with health problems, I do feel down and want to be the way I was in 2019, even though I'm grateful I didn't lose my life to it. In the last few weeks I forced myself to fight the extreme fatigue and go swimming, really didn't want to and still have to make myself go, but - I think it has helped. The fatigue hasn't been so bad and less time to dwell on things, so maybe exercise really does help both mentally and physically .

I'm doing much better than this time last year when the anger faded into about 5 months of numbness until about August 2021. My structure and external motivations were stripped from me for 12-18m, and it wasn't until September 2021 that I pretty much could return to my routines. It's only now that casual social things are really picking up since the fear of Covid policies at work is finally wearing off.

It's fragile though. My resiliance to disruption is poorer than usual. It doesn't take much to bring back the powerless vunerability of 2020. Annoyingly my DCs have tag teamed frustrating, limiting ailments. Having a year's worth of races congested into the autumn caused me an injury that's slow to resolve and that's annoying and taking away some autonomy and stress relief and is a fresh source of uncertainty.

I don't know whether it's a normal part of my DCs growing up but something feels a bit dislocated. Things like in the holidays having flogged things like going to the park to death and beyond, but I'm struggling to think of things to do with them without spending huge amounts of money. With restrictions, we've forgotten what we would have done 3 years ago, but then they're 3 years older. I've lost inspiration. Secondary transition seems to be a huge leap too, although we did at least see the school he's going to which is better than some. It's not been a normal school year and build up though.

Also feeling very dislocated from family. We're not local. We had no "bubbles". There was nothing to say for a year. Like friends, they've either been cowering away or excessively busy.

It's better. It's not right yet. Getting there, but more time and healing needed.

(And that's without major disruption from the 2022 curveballs that are deeply affecting so many)

Life is definitely shit at the moment and seems to be getting worse financially