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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be mad with a nanny

136 replies

teomama · 21/06/2022 22:21

Our lovely nanny had to take a day off and I called an agency for a replacement service for my 5 month old twins. Their dad is away for business and I struggle to do the 24/7 twin shifts alone. The nanny they sent had a nice resume and good references and I was happy to welcome her home. First red light: upon arrival, she complimented our home and in a couple of minutes proceeded to ask if we owned the place, what we do for a living and how much we'd paid for it. That made me feel really uncomfortable, as I was not happy to discuss the family's financials with a stranger.
Midway through the sit, she said she needed to go to the pharmacy to get a COVID test, as she'd started to feel unwell. I was absolutely shocked, offer her a lateral flow and suggested she's free to go home. However, the test was negative and she finished the sit, despite my reassurance that it's ok if she wants to rest.
She did the core work around the children well, was otherwise polite and pleasant. However, this very intrusive question plus the COVID scare left me quite upset with her work. I didn't give any negative feedback but in perspective, I think I should have. I worry about my babies getting COVID from her, as the lateral flow tests are not always reliable, and I am angry at myself for letting a stranger ask about my family's income and living arrangements. I am not sure if it's worth picking up with the agency as I am surely not rebooking her. AIBU to be upset about this?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 22/06/2022 06:54

Come on people man. 👀

JellyBellyNelly · 22/06/2022 06:55

lollipoprainbow · 22/06/2022 06:50

@PrincessConsuelaBanana the OP is also wrong in trying to shame the fill in nanny and complain about her to the agency for asking a couple of questions and doing a Covid test ffs!!

She’s not shaming her. By telling the agency about the questions they can talk to her and advise that she doesn’t do it in future and ruin any more chances of being sent to jobs.

AmaryIlis · 22/06/2022 07:09

Why were you "absolutely shocked" that she started to feel unwell? It's not exactly unusual, is it?

Blueandwhiteflower · 22/06/2022 07:18

I hope next time there’s a thread about cleaners people will make sardonic comments about not being able to clean their own house Hmm

If someone had offered me help with a five month old I’d have bitten their hand off.

cansu · 22/06/2022 07:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rainallnight · 22/06/2022 07:20

Some people on here are absolutely horrible. It’s a site for mums. Stop criticising a mum for needing help. It might be you one day.

ladydimitrescu · 22/06/2022 07:21

It's small talk - I don't see the issue

JellyBellyNelly · 22/06/2022 07:26

*asked if you owned it. Normal
She asked how much it cost. Normal *

Nope it’s not normal. It’s rude. And if this thread hadn’t involved someone having a nanny, if another profession or working relationship had been involved, the replies would have been very different.

People would have been up in arms pointing out that it was unprofessional for a nurse (for eg) to ask the Head of Nursing how much their home cost.

Louise0701 · 22/06/2022 07:31

You leave your 5 month old twins with a nanny. YABU.

hattie43 · 22/06/2022 07:33

Some nasty people on this thread who know nothing about your circumstances yet feel the need to spout hate . It's called jealousy where I come from . If you live off more than £4.42 a week on this forum you seem to open yourself up to vitriol so just ignore .

I'd not be pleased either if the only icebreaker questions the nanny could find were intrusive and rude . Who on earth introduces themselves and next asks how much your house is worth and how much you paid . For a lot of people that information is private and not something shared with strangers .

Blueandwhiteflower · 22/06/2022 07:33

Memory is a funny thing.

In my memory the early months with DD are conparitvely easy. She wasn’t mobile, a walk in the pram or a rattle sufficed for entertainment, she slept a lot.

Except that’s not really accurate, because actually I found it almost excruciatingly hard.

Yes, they aren’t mobile but they still have a voice and DD would let me know when she wasn’t happy, and if she wasn’t being held or walked in a pram or sling , she generally wasn’t happy.

And yes they sleep a lot but it’s broken sleep. DD now will predictably sleep for 2 hours in the middle of the day, which is predictable and reassuring. At five months it was twenty minutes followed by forty, maybe thirty ….

Remember when support bubbles were allowed? Was that not because it’s actually quite hard work and not just sitting on your arse watching box sets while the twins gurgle in their bouncers?

ComfyChairPose · 22/06/2022 07:34

Do you own your house? is a bit 😲😲😲
The rest is ok.

MoodyTwo · 22/06/2022 07:38

I think she was just trying to make small talk ... to. bed fair I'd have just googled your house to find the price if I was that bothered 😂
and for the Covid test , it sounds actually that she was being responsible, she didn't have to test or mention it

SpringIntoChaos · 22/06/2022 07:38

OP's not coming back 🤣

Blueandwhiteflower · 22/06/2022 07:42

SpringIntoChaos · 22/06/2022 07:38

OP's not coming back 🤣

Why is that funny?

NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 22/06/2022 07:45

Yabu for not being able to look after your own kids for one day lol.
I look after mine every week.

WalkerWalking · 22/06/2022 07:48

People who are questioning why you needed a nanny in the first place are ridiculous. You're allowed to employ someone to do a job for you! And they should perform the job well. But it doesn't sound like she actually did the job badly, possibly more just a clash of personalities.

Rainallnight · 22/06/2022 07:51

I’ve reported several posts on this thread for being personal attacks.

Snoopsnoggysnog · 22/06/2022 07:52

Janedoe82 · 21/06/2022 23:56

These are five month old babies- it isn’t good for their brain development and attachment to be passed to random people for the day.

This is total bullshit
do you have twins?

Snoopsnoggysnog · 22/06/2022 07:54

pastramionrye · 22/06/2022 05:29

I've got twins really not that hard especially at 5 months when they don't move anywhere

Ok…
I also have twins and there are good and bad days when they’re that age. Were yours also Velcro babies with severe reflux? Thought not

Elfbeth · 22/06/2022 07:56

“She did the core work around the children well”

surely that’s the most important thing so yes YABU for wanting to leave a bad review on her work

Beingadiv · 22/06/2022 08:03

Oh come on. The covid stuff sounds totally sensible. She felt a bit unwell so informed you and tested, then stayed when it was negative. What would you have preferred her to do? If you'd wanted her to leave you should have made this an instruction, not an offer.

I would have found the questions about home ownership and value quite intrusive but there is a lot of variation here on what different people find acceptable in talking about money.

This was a personality clash. Why would you feed back negatively and potentially impact her career when all she did was behave a bit nosy?

mokololo · 22/06/2022 08:05

What you paid for your house is a matter of public record. They can just google it, so asking you is just making conversation.

Minisarerustbuckets · 22/06/2022 08:11

Haha yeah sure

DueyCheatemAndHow · 22/06/2022 08:15

People ask why there are so many trolls on mumsnet.

This thread is the answer. Because so many on MN never fail to disappoint them. I didn't have twins but if I could have afforded a nanny to help with my young babies I'd have jumped at the chance.

But the need to be catty and cutting is just too great for so many to resist. Its embarrassing.

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