To be mad with a nanny

[teomama]

Our lovely nanny had to take a day off and I called an agency for a replacement service for my 5 month old twins. Their dad is away for business and I struggle to do the 24/7 twin shifts alone. The nanny they sent had a nice resume and good references and I was happy to welcome her home. First red light: upon arrival, she complimented our home and in a couple of minutes proceeded to ask if we owned the place, what we do for a living and how much we'd paid for it. That made me feel really uncomfortable, as I was not happy to discuss the family's financials with a stranger.
Midway through the sit, she said she needed to go to the pharmacy to get a COVID test, as she'd started to feel unwell. I was absolutely shocked, offer her a lateral flow and suggested she's free to go home. However, the test was negative and she finished the sit, despite my reassurance that it's ok if she wants to rest.
She did the core work around the children well, was otherwise polite and pleasant. However, this very intrusive question plus the COVID scare left me quite upset with her work. I didn't give any negative feedback but in perspective, I think I should have. I worry about my babies getting COVID from her, as the lateral flow tests are not always reliable, and I am angry at myself for letting a stranger ask about my family's income and living arrangements. I am not sure if it's worth picking up with the agency as I am surely not rebooking her. AIBU to be upset about this?

@Basilbrushgotfat mum shaming?? Or just stating the obvious...

She was polite and pleasant and looked after your children well but you want to impact her career because she felt unwell and liked your house?

If this is real........ It is no one's business why OP felt the need to hire a nanny. Well done to you OP for recognising that you may need help and prioritising the needs of your children. I agree that the questions about the cost of your house were inappropriate and not what I would expect from a professional nanny. (Not that I've ever had one).

Absolutely rubbish!
meeting lots of different people is great for babies - it widens their exposure to illnesses this developing their immune system, it encourages them to make good relationships with a wider range of people. She’s a nanny, not a mass murderer!

Same here!

I wouldn't dare ask someone what they'd paid for their house!

I'd just look it up on Rightmove when I got home.

Just tell the agency and suggest that they go over the etiquette of working in someone’s home and remind her that asking such personal questions is a no no.

As for the lateral flow test - she was being very reasonable and better that she did it than not. I have a team of people working round the clock in my home home and for the safety of a vulnerable loved one we tested anytime someone felt even a bit unwell. No one had to feel afraid to test and there was a box of test for the taking - but even if the test was negative the person went off duty till they tested again the next day. It was the best thing for everyone at home.

As for having a nanny in the first place. Just ignore the posters who are being nasty and continue to run your home and family the way you see fit. Like a previous posters mum I also had 5 children and parenting was much easier in those days and I’m full of admiration for todays mums who have to know so much that it makes the amount of work they have to put in on everything absolutely staggering. It’s to the extent that I encouraged all of my children to have some kind of help at home on top of me being a very hands on Granny.

I don’t know why people would want someone’s lot to be difficult and exhausting when it can be made more doable instead.

I am angry at myself for letting a stranger ask about my family's income and living arrangements

She was rude to ask those questions, but did you answer or tell her you’d prefer not to say?

Why should she if she can have help? Jealous much.

In the time it took you to contact the agency, sift through references and choose someone, you could have perhaps booked a day off work yourself.
The questions are called "conversation" btw. She probably wasn't sussing you out to send her mates round to pinch the silver.

Isn't it interesting though how many bizarre things are happening to parents if twins in the last few days.

Yeah but it doesn’t half seem to have made nasty cows out of so many on this thread.

The only thing she did which was slightly inappropriate ( in this country anyway) was ask what you paid for your house

The rest is absolutely fine and in no way something you should complain to her employer about. I really am shocked you would consider that

I also think it is absolutely fine that you have help with twin babies and the people mocking you for that should be even more ashamed of themselves than you should be for wanting to complain about someone who did the right thing in realising they felt ill, and who complimented your home and was a tiny bit too curious about it and your circumstances.🙄

I think it was extremely rude of her to ask how much your house was!

OP could have PND for all we know.

Shaming OP for wanting help with her babies is not on.

And I don’t even ask colleagues how much they paid for their homes, it’s rude to ask a virtual stranger., it’s not ‘conversation’.

My thoughts exactly on the PND. Or be extremely tired from lack of sleep.

Such judgemental comments, people need to get with the times.

This is what I also thought

You sound very precious.

OP, you don't have to have anyone who makes you uncomfortable for any reason look after your children if you don't like them, but you're in for a long 18 years if things as trivial as this are going to be reasons!

The people trying to shame OP for using a nanny are arseholes. They’ve no idea of her circumstances or difficulties, even the parents on here who think it’s ok to attack OP on the basis they’ve also had twins and managed without help - I’ve two separate friends who had twins, one set were good sleepers, healthy, generally placid ‘easy’ babies. My friend could very easily manage them and even said a couple of times she felt they were easier to look after than her sisters one child of the same age. The other twins were the exact opposite, unbelievably hard work for my other friend and she had a breakdown and needed mental health support. If I could have afforded it I’ve had hired a bloody nanny for her! So not that it was her her question but no, OP isn’t being unreasonable hiring a nanny.

that being said, I do think YABU being annoyed at the nannies question about house prices and covid test.

Well tbf if I could have afforded it when I had 2 under 2 I'd have hired a nanny as well!

As for the questions, wouldn't bother me. Same with the testing

Take the week off. Those personal questions will leave a lasting effect.

Totally agree.
Asking about salary and house prices is not ok.
The covid stuff would bother me too. But is unavoidable and she did the right thing.
Put it down to a bad experience and don't have her back

@PrincessConsuelaBanana the OP is also wrong in trying to shame the fill in nanny and complain about her to the agency for asking a couple of questions and doing a Covid test ffs!!

This nanny sounds a dream compared to some we’ve had. Ha! The tales I could tell you..!

Sorry it upset you though and I hope your regular one is better.

Friends had similar questions from paramedics responding to a 999 call. They made a formal complaint.