To be mad with a nanny

[teomama]

Our lovely nanny had to take a day off and I called an agency for a replacement service for my 5 month old twins. Their dad is away for business and I struggle to do the 24/7 twin shifts alone. The nanny they sent had a nice resume and good references and I was happy to welcome her home. First red light: upon arrival, she complimented our home and in a couple of minutes proceeded to ask if we owned the place, what we do for a living and how much we'd paid for it. That made me feel really uncomfortable, as I was not happy to discuss the family's financials with a stranger.
Midway through the sit, she said she needed to go to the pharmacy to get a COVID test, as she'd started to feel unwell. I was absolutely shocked, offer her a lateral flow and suggested she's free to go home. However, the test was negative and she finished the sit, despite my reassurance that it's ok if she wants to rest.
She did the core work around the children well, was otherwise polite and pleasant. However, this very intrusive question plus the COVID scare left me quite upset with her work. I didn't give any negative feedback but in perspective, I think I should have. I worry about my babies getting COVID from her, as the lateral flow tests are not always reliable, and I am angry at myself for letting a stranger ask about my family's income and living arrangements. I am not sure if it's worth picking up with the agency as I am surely not rebooking her. AIBU to be upset about this?

Neither of these things are red flags to me. I mean, don’t book her again if you didn’t like her, but give what feedback to the agency? That she made property market small talk and took a covid test when she felt like she was developing symptoms?

The nanny was being over familiar - its highly inappropriate for anyone to ask your income or house price let alone someone you have hired.

She didn’t ask their income, she asked what they did for a living which is a perfectly normal question when you’re making small talk with someone. As for house prices, I don’t find that question particularly intrusive either, I usually find people are desperate to tell me even if I’m not remotely interested!

You're angry at a total stranger asking about your family income and living arrangements - and yet you let the same total stranger look after your tiny babies?

Ignore the comments about you having help to look after your twins. If you want help and can afford it, why not? As for the nanny, if you didn't feel comfortable with her, remember her name and if you need a stand-in nanny again, don't have that one.

The issue with help is why would you bring in a random person you don’t know for one day when you yourself were there and then complain about the risk of Covid?? Fair enough if it was an ongoing thing but one day??

These are five month old babies- it isn’t good for their brain development and attachment to be passed to random people for the day.

She's just being nosy. If you're worried about bringing strangers into your home then don't have a nanny or make do with yourself when your regular girl is off.

I wouldn't give negative feedback based on that. You don't know her circumstances and she could need this job esp with how more expensive life is now.

Ignore the comments about you having help to look after your twins. If you want help and can afford it, why not?

Plenty of single mothers have to look after their babies with no help at all. No friends, no family. Being able to have a nanny is a privilege.

This whole thing is a first world problem.

OP, YABU. Why invite a total stranger to come and look after your children because you don’t feel up to it?

The COVID scare is a worry, but not something the nanny could have helped. It doesn’t reflect on her professionalism or competence as a nanny. She in fact did the responsible thing by telling you.

As for asking about your house, it’s valid for you to find it intrusive - clearly other people in the thread feel differently but I guess anything to do with finances can hit a nerve with some people - but it’s not worth feeling upset about it after she’s left. She’s not your regular nanny, you never need to see her again. I wouldn’t leave negative feedback. That could cost her a lot more than a momentary discomfort costed you.

I do too especially if you're in London where it's practically the first thing anyone asks 😂

You didn't say if she was foreign. Some cultures are more forthright than others and think nothing of asking questions which may seem too personal. I still don't think it's anything to get upset about. She was probably just trying to make conversation. I think you are being unreasonable.

She's not your cup of tea but she did the work. Not need to overthink or give her bad feedback.

I think you've lost perspective

She was probably asking the questions about your house as an ice breaker. She didn't feel good, she got a test and she was ok she did the work. Get over yourself. Drama over nothing

I would be taken aback if someone I'd only just met asked me how much I bought our house for - but I'd also know that to them it probably doesn't feel rude.

Easiest way to handle this sort of thing that you find intrusive is to smile and say - why do you want to know?

If she replies, I just love this area and we were thinking about buying here - you can reply - well i think houses on this street go for around X amount. Or deflect entirely and say - oh really, that's nice. Where do you live now?

It's a personality clash. Not one for a complaint.

The covid thing - make your expectations clear to the agency and discuss with them next time.

You’ve not said why you couldn’t manage your twins, for one day.
in fact you’ve not said much at all.
i have twins.
sounds like she was just trying to make conversation, but you saw it as intrusive.
it seems that you didn’t like having her in the house.
So just stick to the nanny you usually have.

I’m with you OP — I’m not one to cause fuss but I would be equally livid. You may have those thoughts about someone’s house, but to ask that when she doesn’t know you at all, is pretty rude imo. Also, the covid thing would’ve sent me over the edge, your babies are young and vulnerable. Putting them in danger like that (if she suspected she had covid) is completely unprofessional.

She asked a question. I assume she didn't shine a bright lamp in your eyes and threaten you with torture if you didn't provide an accurate answer.

You were at liberty to not answer, you could have said 'I'd prefer not to discuss our property value' and changed the subject.

The rest is small talk, its what you do when you don't know someone and need something to talk about.

As for the covid test, would you prefer she'd said nothing and later turned out to actually have had covid?

Well thats completely different in that this person decided to go to the job and then whilst there want to take a test! That is completely unprofessional and I would definitely give feedback on this. Also the personal questions is not just making conversations, that's downright rude and crossing a line. I would give all feedback to the agency.

And so what? Im sure those single mothers would love the extra help If they could have it. Op can afford it, so it's her business.

Well thats completely different in that this person decided to go to the job and then whilst there want to take a test! That is completely unprofessional and I would definitely give feedback on this

But what else was she supposed to do? Ignore the fact that she'd started feeling unwell while at work and not test until later? That is likely to be the outcome in future if people start giving negative feedback on people who do the responsible thing. Since the OP was in the house with the nanny, it was up to her to manage the situation if she decided that she would prefer the nanny to leave after the negative covid test. (I'm not saying wanting her to leave is wrong, but the nanny isn't a mind reader).

Hmm, I take it you haven't had twins....

I've got twins really not that hard especially at 5 months when they don't move anywhere

Wow.

I can't believe the mum-shaming on this thread!

Are you all jealous?
Are you the nanny?