To be resentful that my DP spends an hour a day sat on the toilet?

[BumCakes2021]

As the title suggests

Morning routine I end up having to dress myself, my DD, feed the cats and dog, prepare breakfast and put together lunch things all while DP is sat on the toilet.

Then he spends another half hour in there every evening. He's actually been in there almost an hour this evening because he was having a shower too.

He has always been like this, but now we have a child it makes me mad.

AIBU?

My old boss used to do this. If his wife rang I would say he was in the toilet. We had an in joke about it because we both knew that ment he would be about an hour.

Sit down and make a list of all the jobs that need doing in the morning and evening. Then, discuss who is going to do what job. Make a morning checklist and an evening checklist color co-ordinated by who does the job.

Stick the checklists up on the fridge and leave him to do his jobs. What he does outside of the jobs is his business but he needs to pull his weight. If that means getting up an hour early, then so be it.

Genius. Try this op!

@BumCakes2021 how is he able to stand up after sitting down for so long on the loo?

With DH it’s definitely this. He’s really hands on and will wake up with DD on weekends, get breakfast get her dressed and take her out for the morning so I can have a break. Will come home asap after work (will often leave a bit early) to help with bath time and always puts DD to bed and finishes his work (working till 11 last night) after she’s gone to sleep.

BUT he needs half an hour for a poo and half an hour for a shower.

I’ve given up, I genuinely don’t think he’s shirking, I think he thinks he might need a poo and then just plonks himself on the loo and appears to just wait. I find it bewildering but given he is definitely not a shirker I’ve just accepted thats how he poos.

My DH started doing this after we have our first child. This was about 25 years ago, so before wifi.

It was my sister that clued me into the fact that DH was hiding out there to avoid helping around the house. Her husband (they didn't have kids yet) would go sit on the toilet for an hour and would read.

I started removing any reading material and would start knocking on the door every few minutes - we only had 1 toilet and I would pretend I was busting to go.

I would also suggest he go see a doctor as he seemed to have a problem - this was after he had been saying this to me after I had DD and I was taking more than 5 minutes. At the time I was dealing with heavy periods and he thought he could make my toilet visits quicker (as he didn't want to deal with our DD) by suggesting I had medical issues.

I recall eventually losing it at him, telling him he was so selfish to hide out in the toilet - he denied it, then I mentioned a few female people (ie my sister, friends etc) who all agreed with me - I think the fact I was discussing it with other people, is what made him stop.

When you say you prepare lunch things, I hope that doesn't include his lunch? And that you leave all the washing and clearing up for him?

Buy him a packet of dulcolax, some prunes and a bag of strong coffee and present it to him as a gift to cure his constipation. Obviously he won't now need to spend an hour shitting will he?

Avoidant men piss me off. Yes some of them will have a genuine medical problem, but most are just hiding. I pushed a 9lb baby out in under an hour ffs.

My husband use to do this after we'd walk back through the door from being out;he'd disappear into the toilet to shit in order to avoid having to deal with kids or anything else;I'd be left to unpack bags,remove shoes/coats,start dinner,deal with requests for snacks/juice/put shopping away.He'd come back downstairs as soon as he thought everything was in hand.He stopped doing if after I asked him if he had bowel issues and needed to see a GP seeing as he needed to desperately shit everytime he came back into the house.

He also does this last thing at night;it's bedtime and he suddenly needs to shit;cue him running upstairs and leaving me to let the dogs in the garden for a wee,go around the house shutting/locking doors and windows,switching things off etc

My 5 year old does this. When he was learning to toilet train he was great at letting us know it was coming but it still took forever. We’d resort to chanting “come on poo out you come” to try to hurry him up.

He also had/still has this really odd knack of knowing how many more poos are to come out before he’s done. He’s never wrong.

Men/boys and their bowels are odd.

Thank you for enlightening me. I thought your Pa had a clandestine plan to teach you to TS. I was wrong.

It's not exclusively men, I've always taken something to read into the toilet, it just happens to be my phone now and yes, I quite often spend 20+ minutes scrolling or playing casual games. I have got an "it's been 10 minutes, get a move on" pop up on my phone to try and chivvy myself along, but I always struggle with the transitions at the beginning and end of the day. It might be a bit selfish when there are jobs to be done, but I make up for it at other times of the day!

I don't think it's necessarily always wanking with men, would be much more comfy to wait 'til you've got the bed to yourself, surely?

Assuming he doesn't actually have a medical problem, then either:

• he is just hiding in the bog with his phone to get some peace and/or have a wank, which I think a lot people are guilty of and which I would normally think was fine, but which is clearly not fair if he's using it shirk responsibilities

or

• he doesn't actually need a poo, but has this weird idea that you need to poo twice a day and that the way to achieve this is simply to sit on the loo and wait until something happens whether you actually feel the urge or not. I do definitely know people who seem to think this is how having a shit works, and I find it really weird.

Is it just my imagination or are there more threads these days where the OP doesn't interact?

I’ve been single for a good few years now and the thought of sharing a bathroom with a man again turns my stomach.
He’s either shirking responsibility
Watching porn and having a wank
Both aren’t redeeming features.

Is he constipated?
I have some sympathy if he is. I'm currently pregnant and been shitting cement for the past 23 weeks. I can be a good 45 minutes on the loo when I get in from work. It's not fun.

@Shitscared123 Noo... He did teach us stuff, random things at inappropriate ages - bricklaying, how to mix mortar, how to butter a brick; how to double declutch, which is terribly useful at the age of 7; how to chip tar from (stolen) granite setts (dropped one, broken foot aged 3); how to climb scaffolding (actually my sister didnt need to learn this, but how to climb down again was useful). Why we don't use plastic explosive as playdoh (nasty headache!)..

He was and is, a strange and mostly highly irresponsible toddler-man. Being 80 has not improved this!

@WiddlinDiddlin i think your family and childhood home sound delightful and utterly bonkers. Your father made time for you - that’s a wonderful thing to look back on.