To be resentful that my DP spends an hour a day sat on the toilet?

[BumCakes2021]

As the title suggests

Morning routine I end up having to dress myself, my DD, feed the cats and dog, prepare breakfast and put together lunch things all while DP is sat on the toilet.

Then he spends another half hour in there every evening. He's actually been in there almost an hour this evening because he was having a shower too.

He has always been like this, but now we have a child it makes me mad.

AIBU?

my friends husband used to do this, come in from work then disappear to the toilet for at least 30 mins to an hour to avoid life you know he had had a hard day working after all

It was one of the reasons she divorced his lazy arse.

I would be having it, turn off the Wi/Fi and get the lazy bastard out of there or better still get a glass of wine, your kindle and disappear in there for the same amount of time yourself.

Turn the WiFi off.

If you are on about me I was laughing at the comment of the lady saying oi shitty arse I'm going out the kids need feeding

He's hiding so you'll sort your DC and bags etc and he simply needs to wonder out once you and DC are ready and hey presto;morning routine sorted and he's not had to do a things.

Bet he thinks he's dead clever and that your too naive to catch on.

Just tell him he needs to get up earlier so he can finish his shitting in time to do half the parenting. Not that I’d like my breakfast or my kids’ breakfast prepared by the filthy fake shitter.

But for the love - please explain whyyyyyyyyyyy?????

(I'm laughing not irate!)

This sounds like a really hostile environment for everyone.

My husband has always done this. Even in the days before kids where there were few responsibilities to avoid. His father before him did it. And his father before him. Or so I am told.

I genuinely don’t think he’s wanking. I’m fairly sure he’s reading football shite on Twitter. It is annoying but I think I’m just used to it now 🤷🏻‍♀️ we both get plenty of time to ourselves.

My husband is like this, has been for years. It drives me insane that he does it at the same key times during the day which is why I don't believe he actually needs to go, or after least doesn't need to take so long.

Week days aren't so bad. He doesn't do it weekday mornings. Probably knows I would absolutely lose my shit holding everyone up and not being around to help before work and school.

His old habit was to come in from work at 6pm and go straight to the toilet. So we'd all be waiting to sit and eat tea together and he'd be 'shitting'. We had a row about it and since then he has moved his desperate need to shit to the more convenient time of after the kids have gone to bed. Still pisses me off though because it's the same time every day and I can't get in the bathroom for a good half hour.

Weekends are more annoying when we are all off work and school and there's no rigid routine.

He will go when everyone wants to start getting ready to go out. When we get home from somewhere and the kids are up the wall and I'm making their dinner. Literally won't see him for dust once the cars locked up and we are back in the house. Kids teatime. Anytime he boils the kettle for a brew he will go then leave 2 cups of tea stewing away.

The amount of time in there and regularity of the times of day pisses me off, but he's genuinely a great dad and husband so I try not to show how annoyed I am

It wasn't intentional! We just noticed any time mother wanted help with something boring, he'd be conveniently in need of a shit.. and would pick the bathroom furthest from her/task location.. he didn't need to take a book/paper, we had book cases IN the bathrooms. Don't ask, I grew up thinking that was normal.

Being children, our 'in a minute I need a poo' was given more credence, no one wants kids shitting themselves.. so we quickly found that if we timed that right, the boring task would likely be completed before we'd finished.

I’d be investing in some heavy-strength laxatives and tell him he doesn’t have time for this shit… literally.

I insist that my partner doesn't take his phone for that reason (especially if its a day when I really want to just throw the kids at him when he gets home and he tells me he needs the toilet).

Was that an hour in the morning and half an hour evening - totals 10.5 hours a week - so basically he gets that time 'off' - so you need the same OP.
Perhaps allow some time off for you using the loo, so say 8 hours he owes you - that could be a Sunday!!

Man takes phone into loo to watch porn and wank shocker!

Always one with their mind in the gutter. Grow up.

Do all the people using their phones whilst sitting on the toilet wipe their phone down after when they wash their hands? Or do the poo germs/toilet germs just shed from the phone over the next however long it takes?

And you LET him
So he will continue to do so
I would hide too if that meant that when i came back all chores are done 🤣
Stop enabling his behaviour asap

My X did this.

No matter what was happening he'd be in the shitter for 45mins every morning. Regular as clockwork.

We had a downstairs bathroom near the kitchen/breakfast room (big open plan barb like space) and it created a stench. I used to go in afterwards to re flush chain and spray so I could have a shower. It had no windows so was a real fug.

As our DC older, I used to take the dog out as it used to physically repulse me. He'd sometimes go again later.

So glad him and how bowels are no longer in my life.

Mine similar. Could cycle all day with no bowel problems.

My ex h was exactly the same, one of the reasons he is an ex.

Almost a hobby for them weird:

I used to do what you do, and would do his share of jobs for him whilst he was in there for up to an hour. I am now older and wiser. As soon as he emerged id be shouting right xyz now still need sorting. Or bang on the door when leaving house for the day, we are off now. Dont forget to feed animal and sort bins before you leave.

He wont like it. But a change will have to be forced. I often find its generational. His DF is the same.

Phone him whilst he’s at work today.

OMG Dave you’ll never guess what, there was a bloody rat in the toilet just now, must have come up the waste pipe. Talk loudly about the rat problem the neighbours are having. Pretend the rat man came out and said they’re in the waste pipes.

I bet that’s the last time he sits with his balls hanging over the toilet for an hour 😘

I think that firstly you should be very gentle and ask him if he's any issues. I mean it. The guy could be suffering in some way.

I do agree that it's more likely that he just wants peace and quiet/shirking/other things but it could be something serious so rule that out first.

Wanking is a part of life. Hardly a mind in the gutter thing and it's probably true.

Mind I read on here that men don't go because they feel the urge. They just go and sit and wait for gravity or something.

Oh dear, I finished reading this thread, went into a magazine and this was literally the first article I read.

so it’s official, we all need to be doing it too, timing needs to be discussed 😂

my other suggestion for the op was next time you’re discussing hobbies with friends let them all know it’s his hobby, shame him into acting normally.