To be resentful that my DP spends an hour a day sat on the toilet?

[BumCakes2021]

As the title suggests

Morning routine I end up having to dress myself, my DD, feed the cats and dog, prepare breakfast and put together lunch things all while DP is sat on the toilet.

Then he spends another half hour in there every evening. He's actually been in there almost an hour this evening because he was having a shower too.

He has always been like this, but now we have a child it makes me mad.

AIBU?

🤮 what a life

He's hiding. This is very common among men, I myself often do it and almost all men I know do it (not for an hour a day though). Does he feel he doesn't have time to himself throughout the day? What is the atmosphere line when you are both together? Can you relax around one another?

That being said, hiding when there's work to be done isn't on. Unless he has a genuine medical issue which I think is highly unlikely, I'd start an honest chat with him, say you've noticed him hiding in the shitter, and ask why he's doing it. You might just be able to improve your relationship and diivision of labour by confronting this

Literally had the same argument with my DP many times!

dDraig you must know a lot of odd men then? I grew up with brothers and a Dad ... none of them spent hours in the toilet, I had a large number of boyfriends in my youth, again none of them spent hours in the bathroom .. neither did my ex DH or current DH or adult DS. Maybe I just know decent men who don't have bowel issues .

Laxido. And turn off the wifi.

my grandparents had a magnificent outside loo in a Georgian house on Twickenham Green.
probably redeveloped now, but it was decorated like a sCRAP screen with old colour supplements way back from the 1960’s

It was a great escape- loved by all.
A pile of Giles annuals was out there, and bronco loo roll as “ Grandad likes it” .
Happy days :)

Tactical shitting.

My Dad taught my sister and I (unintentionally I am sure) as fairly small children. Drove my mother nuts as in a house with two indoor toilets and a fairly comfy outdoor, she could be left yelling for help and not one of us would appear... all taking a tactical shit at the same time.

So knowing the tactic, I don't tolerate it and anyone trying such shenanigans would find the job they were required to do would still be there, post-TS.

I would also arrange for the internet not to work, or indeed (pre reliance on wheelchair).. would just go out should the boyfriend of the time try it on.

A 'just nipping to the shops' shouted just as I hear the flush, as I exited the building worked after about the third go round, and no return from shops for the same duration as the TS.

I really don't get this, wanking doesn't take an hour. He's hiding out if real life. You need to start taking you off for one hour shits. Do whatever you want in the bathroom just lock the door.

@DaisyStPatience ”ghost poos” has made my day 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Nah, I've just been on Mumsnet long enough to see how often these threads come up. I did work with someone though who was notorious for disappearing into the toilet for an hour every morning, newspaper in hand. Surfing the web can certainly make you lose track of time.

That's disgusting. How do you enjoy your dinner knowing what's coming next?

My Dad and my DB would occasionally do this to get out of doing chores. My Mum would have none of it. She’d march upstairs, bang on the bathroom door and ask them if they were having problems and needed some scissors? If not then hurry up!

I grew up in a household with one bathroom/toilet between the six of us. This soon sorted any bathroom timing issues. There was always a queue in the morning (& often at other key times of day). Anyone taking longer than their fair share of time was universally unpopular in the household for a while. There was also a keyhole you could see through. Nobody looked through keyhole (because obviously would have been weird) but everyone knew it was a possibility.

@WiddlinDiddlin why did your dad teach you and your sibling to TS? How and why did it come about?

He’s just dodging parenting and leaving you to do it.

He’s either watching porn or sport. No-one needs to spend that much time on the toilet every bloody day.

Switch the WiFi off tomorrow morning.

You also need to spell out to him to up his game as a parent.

…. Joining this camp.
YANBU, my other half seems to spend an age in the loo!

Dumping syndrome. I suffer from it. Bloody inconvenient.

..I don’t spent an hour at time on the loo, I spend enough time in there as it is.

Go to the stationers and buy the smallest cards they have, one yellow, one red. Start giving him yellow and red cards. I did yellow after15 min and red after 30. It didn't work with my DH but I enjoyed it.

YABVU she has done her part as a parent and now has free time to do what she wants when she wants. Why should she give that up to look after your baby. Your baby, your responsibility.

Is he unwell? Ask him? If not, it's not really fair that you're doing all of the morning routine while he's just essentially avoiding it by shutting himself away in a room.

He's hiding in there and is being a lazy fucker. You need to put a stop to it or you'll go mad. Also, what message is it sending to your daughter, him avoiding childcare/home tasks?
My husband used to this but I made a few changes and he doesn't do it anymore. Also, when we were due to go out for the day, he would rush around hurrying us all along and trying to get us into the car, but then last minute, when we've all got our coat on etc. he would say 'I'm just nipping to the loo'. Leaving us all stranded waiting ages in the car! I soon cottoned on to this so that when he would do it, I would say loudly, 'O.K. kids, back inside, coats off, shoes off, Dad's going on the toilet and he''ll be AGES so lets just all get comfy and watch T.V until he bothers to get out of there'. He soon stopped it.
The other things I did were to say very loudly 'Daddy is going on the toilet to read the ENTIRE internet while I'm out here having to do (lists everything). Don't mind me!' or if the kids asked me for something I would say go to daddy, he's in the toilet, bang on the door until he comes out.
I also now dump (pardon the pun) all of the washing/laundry/clothes that need putting away in a massive pile right outside out bedroom door (or on his side of the bed) so he can't get past without him having to deal with it.
You could leave all of his plates/dirty dishes in a pile outside of the bathroom door so that when he emerges in a fog of his own arse-stench, he has to deal with it.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Men just sit on the toilet and wait for the poo to fall out. I have no idea why.