My little boy not invited to friend's party, feeling upset

[NCbcosouting]

NC for this one.

I have a friend who I'm close with, we've been on days out together with the little ones and her son came to my son's birthday party. We speak quite a lot and I thought DS and her little boy got on really well. They're both 2.

Last time we went out together my son, who is autistic and non-verbal, had a big meltdown due to sensory overload, in front of my friend and her DS.

I've just found out via social media that my friend had a big party planned for her DS's birthday, and my son wasn't invited. It wasn't just family but friends too, and I'm feeling really hurt. Not for myself but for my DS.

This is the second birthday party he has not been invited to despite the other children coming to my son's birthday party, and I know DS is too young to understand but it is breaking my heart.

I know my DS can be a handful but he is the most affectionate little boy ever and really enjoys being around other children.

I can't help but worry that this is going to be a reoccurring thing as he gets older and starts to understand.

My own brother is autistic and had a really difficult time in school and was bullied badly, children isolated him because of his autism, and I know that I shouldn't think too far ahead because times change and things will be different, but my heart is hurting already with just not being invited.

I don't know what I'm expecting from this post but I just need a bit of a handhold.

It’s their party so their choice

Aren't most 2 year olds non-verbal? And in the U.K. you're very hard pressed to have a diagnosis for autism until mid-teens (wait lists etc). So I don't get it.

Mine were diagnosed aged 7.

My eldest was very verbal at aged 2.

We're on the pathway, my son is 5, and this is one of my biggest fears. I'm sorry OP, whatever way she wants to dress it up, your friend is a dick. You and your son deserve better.

Oh splendid. How do you feel about choosing not to invite people who are, say, a different colour? Is that alright too?

So sad to hear 💐
She's not a genuine friend.
That would be the end of the 'friendship' for me.

Hi OP. You probably need to make friends with other families in the same boat. We have a group of great friends, who we met through a portage group, which I took my child with disabilities to, from about 2 years old. (It was run at a local nursery). You can self refer, I think. There are also charities that run family days, which also include neurotypical siblings. But even children without SEN don’t get invited to all parties. I think the trick is to convince yourself not to care. School is quite brutal, when it comes to party invitations.

Parents don’t want drama at their kids party, so the invites will become less and less.
Yr child will be none the wiser, and just bcos u invite people doesn’t mean they will invite back.