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Original poster

Nephew and birthday present

88 replies

Wondog22 · 21/06/2022 14:37

Nephew is turning 6 soon and I recently asked him what he wanted for his birthday and he said he’d love a Nintendo Switch, all his friends have one but then said ‘Mummy and Daddy said we don’t have enough money’
Relayed the conversation back to DH and suggested we buy. DH thinks this is an awful idea and to buy him something else, we usually spend £50-£100 depending on what he want so obviously it’s more money than usual.
DH thinks no for several reasons 1. He thinks it’s undermining DB and DSIL, they’ve said no and we shouldn’t be buying it ‘behind their back’ 2. Thinks we’ll set a precedent with DN that we always buy expensive gifts
I think we should buy it because 1. We can comfortably afford it 2. It’s only money and I want my Nephew to have what he wants, it’s only the money aspect that is stopping me buying it , normally I’d just buy what he wants so why should I let that get in the way.

I did think about messaging DB and asking if we can buy it but DH thinks that’s even worse and I’d be drawing attention to the fact they can’t afford to buy it. My argument is surely they’d be happy that DS was getting what he wants and does it matter who it comes from?

DB is on my side of the family to be clear, so not DH relations (albeit close to them). Also no kids of our own yet so maybe I’m totally out of reality here.

Would you buy the Nintendo?

OP posts:
WhatTheHeckShrek · 21/06/2022 14:40

If ask your brother. You don't have to tell them that your nephew said they can't afford it. You can just tell your brother that you asked nephew what he'd like for his birthday and he said a Nintendo switch ahd would it be ok if you got it for him.

JustLyra · 21/06/2022 14:40

You shouldn’t buy a present that expensive without speaking to your DB given the age of your nephew.

They may be buying him it as a surprise. They may not want him to have it that young. Etc etc.

Your DH’s points are very valid ones.

User478 · 21/06/2022 14:40

Definitely not without discussing it with his parents.

Mally100 · 21/06/2022 14:41

I have a 6yo ds and I wouldn't buy him one. I very much doubt your nephew's all my friends line because I do know for a fact most of ds don't have one. I'm in total agreement with your dh for all the valid reasons he pointed out. Why not give his parents the money and they can use that to top up if they wish to get him one. I would not broach it with his parents either.

RedAngel19 · 21/06/2022 14:41

I'm with your DH on this for the reasons he's given. Perhaps you could gift cash instead and he can put it towards a Switch? That might be a good compromise here? How lucky that your nephew has such a lovely and generous auntie :)

SandyWedges · 21/06/2022 14:42

If you've got a usual budget for gifts stick to it. If the parents can't afford it they might feel rubbish if someone else buys it.

mumonthehill · 21/06/2022 14:42

Ask! I used to use the it’s too much money excuse if I wanted it to be a real surprise or if it was something that I did not feel was appropriate at that time.

Happyplace88 · 21/06/2022 14:42

I personally don’t see any problem with you buying this gift as long as his parents are fine with it. I wouldn’t frame it as “we know you can’t afford it”. Maybe ask like “I know it’s a slightly more expensive gift than usual, we are happy to buy it, he’s said you are getting him a different gift. Would you mind if we fought it for him?”. They might then buy him a game for it so could still get some of the joy of being involved in the gift.
also you sound really kind, thoughtful and considerate OP.

Original poster
Wondog22 · 21/06/2022 14:43

I did think about messaging to ask if he could have it with him only being 6 and not mentioning the money aspect. Then I guess if they don’t want me to buy it then can just say he’s too young, that could work.

OP posts:
Aksbdt · 21/06/2022 14:43

They may have lots of reasons for not buying it and you’re likely to embarrass them. I don’t think you should

MsSquiz · 21/06/2022 14:43

There's no way I'd buy someone else's child such an expensive gift without having spoken to them first.

They might not want him to have one
They might not be able to afford it
They might have told him they can't afford it but are getting it as a surprise

Plus, with things like a games console, you also need to factor in the expense of the games and additional items like headphones, etc

So, would I buy the Nintendo? Not without speaking to his parents first

Gnusmas · 21/06/2022 14:43

Give your dB some money to put towards gifts but I've just bought 2 days at a summer camp for my neice. I asked my dB first and he was OK about it because it'll give him a break.

Original poster
Wondog22 · 21/06/2022 14:45

@SandyWedges that’s what DH thinks , and I do understand I guess I’m just frustrated that we can afford it and he wants it but I don’t want to upset anyone so he’ll miss out. It’s a tricky one

OP posts:
JaceLancs · 21/06/2022 14:45

I would ask his parents
if it is on financial grounds maybe you could share cost
if they don’t want him to have it for other reasons eg age then either buy him something else or gift cash and explain he can save it until he’s old enough to get switch and then he can put towards it or buy extra games

Needmorelego · 21/06/2022 14:46

The games are usually around £45 - £50 so are you prepared to be spending that regularly?
This is NOT something for you to be getting. "Can't afford it" is more likely to mean "we don't want you to have a games console because you are 6" and they've told a white lie.

11Hawkins · 21/06/2022 14:49

Just ask your brother?

They are expensive. You may have the console, but games are around £50 each.

RevoltingHumanHead · 21/06/2022 14:57

Your DH is right. They might smile and say thank you but inwardly feel a bit crap their gift gets tossed aside once Auntie Bountiful (lovely though I'm sure you are) swoops in with the big ticket item.

MissMaple82 · 21/06/2022 14:57

Absolutely not! For all you know, they may just be using the finances as an excuse to not but one because they don't want their child of only 6 to become reliant on gaming and electronics. It is not your place to buy such an expensive gift without consulting them

MissMaple82 · 21/06/2022 14:59

Why not just give him some money and suggest he can start saving up for something he really wants.

TempName01 · 21/06/2022 15:01

It’s too much, I think you need to ask them firstly if they would like to buy him one, if so can you contribute and/or buy a couple of games to go with it. They might have already got one as a surprise or be totally against the idea so you need to communicate with them on this.

Wallywobbles · 21/06/2022 15:01

I do not want any computer games devices in my home. I'd be very very pissed off if you did this.

picklemewalnuts · 21/06/2022 15:01

Also, it's a bit mean to buy a better present than his parents. That makes you feel pretty crap, as a mum.

You could give him money to save up for one- great idea from a PP.
Discuss it with his parents in an ongoing way- you get the present, they pay for his party, for example.
Ask his parents what they'd like you to get him. Tickets for an outing would be great, when times are tight.

Also, there may be things they'd like him to have that aren't very exciting- new shoes, music lessons... the kind of stuff that cripples you as a parent but doesn't give you any kudos with your children!

skgnome · 21/06/2022 15:02

At 6 not all the friends will have it… as much as the friends will claim otherwise
by all means, speak to your brother… see what else to get, games are expensive and they may not want a 6yo to have access to a switch, let alone their own one

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/06/2022 15:03

dont do it-will demean his parents !

worraliberty · 21/06/2022 15:03

2. It’s only money and I want my Nephew to have what he wants, it’s only the money aspect that is stopping me buying it , normally I’d just buy what he wants so why should I let that get in the way.

Because his parents have said no.
His parents saying no should be the 'aspect' that stops you, unless you discuss with them.
"I want my nephew to have what he wants" is easy for you to say, because he's not your kid.