Nephew and birthday present

[Wondog22]

Nephew is turning 6 soon and I recently asked him what he wanted for his birthday and he said he’d love a Nintendo Switch, all his friends have one but then said ‘Mummy and Daddy said we don’t have enough money’
Relayed the conversation back to DH and suggested we buy. DH thinks this is an awful idea and to buy him something else, we usually spend £50-£100 depending on what he want so obviously it’s more money than usual.
DH thinks no for several reasons 1. He thinks it’s undermining DB and DSIL, they’ve said no and we shouldn’t be buying it ‘behind their back’ 2. Thinks we’ll set a precedent with DN that we always buy expensive gifts
I think we should buy it because 1. We can comfortably afford it 2. It’s only money and I want my Nephew to have what he wants, it’s only the money aspect that is stopping me buying it , normally I’d just buy what he wants so why should I let that get in the way.

I did think about messaging DB and asking if we can buy it but DH thinks that’s even worse and I’d be drawing attention to the fact they can’t afford to buy it. My argument is surely they’d be happy that DS was getting what he wants and does it matter who it comes from?

DB is on my side of the family to be clear, so not DH relations (albeit close to them). Also no kids of our own yet so maybe I’m totally out of reality here.

Would you buy the Nintendo?

Tech turns into a huge part of a child's day. I would have been pretty annoyed if anyone had bought this for my six year old. Six!!

Ask db if he's allowed it, and offer it as a joint bday/Xmas gift so hopefully dn won't understand how expensive a gift it is.

As you've said you'd send it anonymously if you could, why not offer to your DB that you'll buy it and they give it to him as a present from them.. and then you give him one of the presents they've bought for him as they'll presumably have got him some stuff he also wants?

If you really want him to get it, could you ask your brother if they would like 'one your DH(or someone plausible) has but doesn't use anymore' and if they say yes, buy a second hand one to give them, or sell to them at a loss, for an amount they could afford.

Then the big ticket gift would comes from his parents, and you get a token gift that officially comes from you.

Speak to his parents and look at second hand sites for a used one

Could you speak to your brother and offer to make a big contribution (90%) and have tyhe present be a joint gift from you and dn’s parents?

My DDad used to do this… it’s extremely annoying! Parents have their reasons for saying no to items. Back in the late 80s my Ds had only just started school and was always wanting a tv for his room - I was dead set against it as he was brilliant with his bedtime, and I knew a tv would ruin this. We gave him the ‘can’t afford it’ chat and he was fine.
Then Dgrandad turned up with a new tv!! I was livid, but of course couldn’t say no as the fallout would’ve been nuclear!!
Result…. Bedtimes consisted of me yelling ‘turn it off now’ and were never the peaceful easy time again.
My DDad thought he was helping out, but I still get cross now thinking about it!
Please follow the parents feelings on this, OP. X

My son asked for a switch and we said no as we had already purchased his xmas presents. But a close friend offered to give then the money to buy it as an xmas present.

We were really really clear with DS that they were really lucky and not to expect expensive presents every year from our friend

Definitely do not buy tech for a young dc without asking their parents if it is OK!

I think it is a nice thought if discussed beforehand. My dbro bought my dc some gifts that we could never afford when they were little and I was very grateful, but he always spoke about it with me beforehand.

I would be raging at anyone that gave my small child that sort of device, especially one with internet access.

I'd ask first and tell them to be honest with you. Perhaps you could give them the gift to give to your nephew, and you give him one of their presents. That way he gets what he wishes for, they get to give him something he'll love and you still get to make him happy.

I'm close with my brother and I would literally just ask him.
DN has said he'd like a switch, would you be happy for me to get him one?

No one has to mention money.

Why not go 50/50 on it
'Hi Sis, was talking to DN and asked what he wanted for his birthday, he mentioned a Switch, wondering if you want to go halves on it?'

It's not tricky. Ask your DB.

No 6 year old is "missing out" because they don't have a hand held games console.

When you buy someone a Switch the cost of the console is only the start of it. Can your DB & SIL afford £40 video games? It's not a horrible idea in itself but you should talk to your DB (and possibly give them the money to buy it for their son rather than sweeping in with the big present that his parents have already told him they can't afford, that probably isn't a conversation they wanted to have with him)

My ex bought our daughter a switch for Christmas (she’s 8) but no games and didn’t pay the online membership. The thing with a switch is you need to pay the online thing & games are between £40-50 a go so they are expensive. I got her a game and her dads brother got her one. She was quickly bored of them and not looked at it since about February, I don’t want to be forking out £40-50 for new games all the time so maybe that’s why they said no too.

Don't undermine his parents. They may have legitimate concerns or be saving it for a surprise later. Tell them what he said but be prepared for a no thanks. Not all 6yo have one despite what he may believe.

I wouldn't want my child using something like that at that age so I'd be really annoyed if somebody bought it for them.

Ask your brother if it is OK for you to buy it. My sisters husbands pride doesn't over ride the happiness of my nephew, id get him one. If I was struggling that much that I couldn't afford a switch and my sibling brought my son one I'd be grateful. My sister used to buy my sons shoes when I was a young skint single mum and now I spoil her kids. I think it's nice.

My 6 year old has a Switch. He has no idea how much it cost so don't worry about setting a precedent.

However, he never bloody uses it.

Who is going to pay £50 for a new game or will he only be allowed the one game it comes with? What about the online content most games need , who will pay the annual subscription if he’s desperate for it? What about extra joy cons (controllers) so his friends can play too? If his parents can’t afford to buy new games etc then he’ll get bored of it very quickly and will be a waste. Then his parents will be feeling either guilty they can’t purchase new games or feel pressured into spending money they don’t have.

I would stop asking the 6 year old, ask the parents. Definitely do not buy that, that's a Christmas or birthday from Parents level present.

The cost of additional games and controllers, plus subscriptions is worth thinking about. Otherwise it could end up being a gift with a sting in its tail.

Yes, ask your brother and be guided by that. You know him and I assume you know he wouldn't be offended by you asking.