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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go to Glastonbury?

514 replies

greentreesgreengrass · 21/06/2022 14:37

DP and I got Glasto tickets for 2020, now of course moved to finally be this week! hooray!

We have a 12 week old DS who we'll be leaving with my parents. We're away tomorrow to Tuesday as having a couple of days away to recover from the festival after!

People have seemed a little judgy about this. do you think it's fine? we will of course be going anyway but interested to know what people think.

OP posts:
SirenSays · 21/06/2022 16:16

Have a great time!

FrecklesMalone · 21/06/2022 16:17

I didn't like leaving them overnight at that age, it was almost a physical ache. Mind I don't understand boarding schools either so different strokes and all that.
I fucking love a festival and go most years. I've taken a 3 month old to a festival and it was fine. A different experience but still fun. I do now go off to festivals on my own (and with the kids for a more mellow time) but couldn't have left a little baby then. It will just be wondering were the fuck you were. My dogs get sad enough when we go let alone a little baby.

MrsMattMurdock · 21/06/2022 16:17

Hmm I left my 12 week old with his Dad for 2 nights to go on a piss-up (I left expressed milk in the freezer). Looking back I didn't hugely miss him, I just needed a break. I found motherhood all-consuming and I think I probably came back in a better place mentally. On the other hand I didn't leave my second until he was 9 months, for a 2 night trip abroad. I don't think I could have, and I also didn't need that break. They both seem to be well attached, not that I know how to measure that! A week is a really long time though. It's up to you, only you know what the last 12 weeks have been like and what's right for you.

beastlyslumber · 21/06/2022 16:18

No. At that age baby and mum are basically inseparable - the fourth trimester and all that. I don't think it's fair on the baby. Sorry.

TiddleyWink · 21/06/2022 16:18

Not sure why you’re asking if you’re going for definite but it’s a massive no from me. Honestly, spending almost a week away from a 12 week old for a festival is pretty horrible. A baby that age needs you, it’s that simple. You’re his mum, his home and all that is familiar. If he was five or something then I’d say yes of course, enjoy, but at 12 weeks then being honest I do think that’s a pretty horrible choice. Don’t you worry about his bond with you? That’s a very long time for a newborn! I also think it’s a bit worrying when someone is totally fine being away from their newborn for that long. I don’t understand how anyone feels ok with that. I hope you’re really as ok as you say and that there is nothing deeper going on. I just don’t get why you would post this if you’re secure and happy with your choice.

SlashBeef · 21/06/2022 16:20

Yes I'm sure he's chilled because his parents are just so cool 🙄 that's where the other parents are going wrong.

orwellwasright · 21/06/2022 16:21

I've never hears of such a young baby being left by choice by the parents

People I knew left their 12 week old daughter for three weeks to go on holiday. They were complete cunts tbf.

orwellwasright · 21/06/2022 16:23

I just needed a break. I found motherhood all-consuming

Not really getting that vibe from the OP if I'm honest.

BowiesJumper · 21/06/2022 16:24

Glastonbury is my favourite place but I wouldn’t have been able to leave mine for this long to go. I did exclusively breastfeed both but even if I hadn’t we wouldn’t have gone.

At that age they’re so portable that I’d have taken them with me! A sling and some ear defenders 👌🏼

DysmalRadius · 21/06/2022 16:24

I'm another that couldn't do it - I have a 'chilled' baby (after two decidedly unchilled older siblings that were actually suffering from health issues, despite me being deeply cool!), but she is only chilled because she knows I'm there! She doesn't cry that much, but when she does, just the sound of my voice calms her down and when she's hungry she is instantly soothed when she's given to me because she knows that I'm the one that feeds her. Even when she's asleep, she responds to my voice and touch more than others and there are times when only I will do (although my husband is usually able to soothe her - he just needs to put more effort in).

More to the point, I wouldn't want to leave her - in the last week she has gone up a size in nappies and is on the brink of growing out of her current crop of clothes. She's also smiling more and more and changing so quickly. The idea of not seeing her for a day makes me a bit sad, let alone a week, and I think that's much more common than being able to leave such a young baby for a week.

I don't know if it will do your baby any harm, probably not realistically, but I think it's definitely more unusual to be happy doing this than it is to find it unthinkable. I remember when I had my oldest and my group started going back to work - it was a VERY emotional few weeks as their babies settled into childcare, and that was just for a day at a time. I don't think I know anyone who has been happy to leave their baby for such a long time at that age, so I'm not surprised that some people are a bit shocked. It's good that you feel confident doing so though - I do think that you can get into a rut of not leaving your kids that then become self-fulfilling as they've never been left and so it ends up being harder if you leave it too late.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 21/06/2022 16:24

I can only say how I would feel - and that is, I could never, never, never leave my tiny baby for a day, let alone a week......esp the few 'recovery' days 😪 If I had absolutely NEEDED to be away, for an emergency, I would have rushed back as soon as I possibly could.
And yes, I guess I would judge a parent who would do that.

florianfortescue · 21/06/2022 16:26

A friend of mine went to Glastonbury when his baby was about that age, leaving her at home with her mum. He ended up leaving early, I think he had one night at the festival before he cracked and drove home.

For me 12 weeks is way too young. I wouldn't have coped being away for a night, let alone nearly a week.

EfEfEf · 21/06/2022 16:27

No, I wouldnt have gone. I also think you're not putting your baby first by going. He needs you like the air he breathes. A very cold attitude. Sorry, but that's how I feel. My dc are in primary school now and I still don't feel comfortable partying the way I used to. I doubt I ever will.

whynotwhatknot · 21/06/2022 16:27

if your saying you need to recover i assume youre getting wasted-if thats the case how are you going to get back in an emergency

Tryhard40 · 21/06/2022 16:28

I wouldn't judge you at all - having a young baby is exhausting and they're never going to remember it or be traumatised by it.

People will try to tell you how terrible you are though - my dm couldn't believe I would leave my one year old for a week (with his dad!) to go on holiday with my friends. But I know I'm a better mum when I am there then she ever was or will be! But people will try to put you down to make themselves feel better by being a mummy-martyr.

Enjoy yourself you lucky thing!

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 21/06/2022 16:28

lucky that DS is a very chilled baby (maybe because we're very chilled parents!)

Oh please. You sound chilled to the point of not caring.

Pigtrotters · 21/06/2022 16:28

My baby was very chilled. I can say without a doubt we were not chilled parents...

orwellwasright · 21/06/2022 16:30

They'll survive. You'll be happy. You don't have to be a slave to your child for them to thrive

This is the high bar of parenting aspirations right here.

DashboardConfessional · 21/06/2022 16:32

Er, no, I'd never have done this. Even if I wasn't combi feeding, which I started at 10 weeks. I wouldn't have put anyone through DS's nights for more than one at a time. He was up every 2 hours.

I met a mum at a baby class who went to Mexico and left her 4-month-old for a week. She thought she was "chilled" by she cried every night.

alfieum · 21/06/2022 16:33

erm, you're a cold fish alright.

orwellwasright · 21/06/2022 16:33

But people will try to put you down to make themselves feel better by being a mummy-martyr

Not leaving a 12 week old baby for nearly a week so you can party in a field makes you a 'mummy martyr'. Have a word with yourself fgs.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/06/2022 16:34

lucky that DS is a very chilled baby (maybe because we're very chilled parents!) it's not. It's just fluke.

If a friend had said they were doing this I'd have expressed suprise, checked they weren't being pushed into it by their partner, being slightly impressed but silently still judged them.

12 weeks is still so tiny. First born wasn't even out of hospital at 12 weeks. I couldn't imagine being away for so long, so far away (at least in terms of how long it would take you to get your essentials together and get off the car park as well as the journey). And a week is an incredibly long time in their life.

A night here and there to recuperate from parenting I'd get, but not a weeks holiday knowing you'll come back knackered

I hope you have a lovely time

FrecklesMalone · 21/06/2022 16:35

MrsMattMurdock · 21/06/2022 16:17

Hmm I left my 12 week old with his Dad for 2 nights to go on a piss-up (I left expressed milk in the freezer). Looking back I didn't hugely miss him, I just needed a break. I found motherhood all-consuming and I think I probably came back in a better place mentally. On the other hand I didn't leave my second until he was 9 months, for a 2 night trip abroad. I don't think I could have, and I also didn't need that break. They both seem to be well attached, not that I know how to measure that! A week is a really long time though. It's up to you, only you know what the last 12 weeks have been like and what's right for you.

It's not just what is right for the OP it is also what is right for her baby. When we choose to become parents we choose the responsibility of caring about the emotional well-being of a small thing. That will almost certainly be upset by this. I had to leave my 3 year old once for 10 days (as I was hospitalised) it took her a few months to recover completely and we could explain to her that I would be back.
I would judge you.

MummyJ36 · 21/06/2022 16:36

Why so you need recovery days? I get the festival part sure but the recovery days are a bit over indulgent in my opinion....

Threeboysandadog · 21/06/2022 16:36

Yes, I’m afraid I would judge leaving a 12 week old baby for almost a week. I don’t think we completely understand the mechanisms of attachment and bonding and whilst I expect his lovely grandparents will more than adequately take care of his physical needs I think it’s difficult to be sure that the separation won’t do any long term harm. I couldn’t do it.

Oh, and I have had two very chilled out babies and one fractious one. I must have been more stressed with my second. …..but he was the easiest toddler!

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