to go to Glastonbury?

[greentreesgreengrass]

DP and I got Glasto tickets for 2020, now of course moved to finally be this week! hooray!

We have a 12 week old DS who we'll be leaving with my parents. We're away tomorrow to Tuesday as having a couple of days away to recover from the festival after!

People have seemed a little judgy about this. do you think it's fine? we will of course be going anyway but interested to know what people think.

I know a 1 year old is different to leaving a 12 week old - I don’t think I’d have left my 12 week old (I couldn’t anyway as she was breastfed)

but I wouldn’t judge anyone for it

i probably would have taken the baby with me though if she wasn’t old enough to leave behind

Lots of people go to Glastonbury with their babies and there are often births there.

^Stupid morons

Wait a few years and then go when they’ll appreciate it - god my young teens would explode with joy if we took them to Glastonbury!

Wait a few more years than that and they can take themselves.

Absolutely! We are at the difficult stage of a 13 year old who looks like a 25 year old super model desperate to do stuff like Glastonbury but is actually still quite daft. Fun times!

Mine are older but I'd still worry if they went to Glastonbury, and be relieved when they got home. They never expressed any interest though. I'm happy to watch on the TV although looking at this year's offerings I'm not sure there's anyone I would be that bothered to watch.

Well according to google the last birth was in 2013 and most of the 10/12 births at Glastonbury happened in the early days of the festival, which started 50 years ago. According to the medical team who attend, the practice has waned now because most people recognise that being able to access modern medical care quickly and avoiding risking their baby's life is more important than than watching Billy Eilish.

It doesn't sound like the greatest birth experience...

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jun/21/experience-i-gave-birth-at-glastonbury-festival

Felt sorry for the poor paediatrician no wonder he seemed pissed off!

Yes you would imagine they were there in case of medical emergencies involving children and babies that were actually born, not delivering them.

Re judging the DP.

typically the Mum is the primary care giver. So in that sense the separation is a much bigger deal for baby if Mum goes, and it’s that specific primary caregiver separation that everyone is judging about. If in fact the DP is the primary caregiver in this couple then I’d judge him more than the Mum, though OP hasn’t made it clear either way.

My DH had to travel for work from the time each of our kids was about 8 weeks. Since I EBF I doubt they noticed he had gone, but he absolutely hated it (after the first night of peaceful sleep!) and couldn’t wait to get
home.

As for the posters claiming they will be giving birth/take hairdryers, a gentle wind up, surely?!

@BlackandBlueBird

So you judge the op but not your oh?

Bet he's glad you think he's entirely irrelevant and disposable to his baby.

What evidence is there that separation from pcg is a big deal when left with caring extended care givers for short periods?

I thought chilled parents had chilled babies until our third baby was born!!

I couldn't leave my kids for a week. I wouldn't need two days to recover unless I took drugs all weekend and I was paranoid and tired.

If I went to glasto I would come home when it's over and resume parent duties

I would leave my twelve week old for a week. Wouldn't leave my six year old for a week. My parents worked away a lot and it's very damaging for a lot of children, experiencing being separated

Also your baby can't tell you or your parents how they feel so they have no choice or say in the matter

I would LOVE to go to glasto, I wish I had been before. It's hard to turn down these experiences. But I'm a mum now and I owe it
To my children.

I had to leave a dinner last week and I was so sad. My husband also went out and I was with the baby and I was pleased for him but sad. I wanted to go with him but I had a baby who was totally over whelmed by the noise of London and I had to do her right and stay in the hotel with her.

Do your baby right and put your own desires second. It's a phase of your life where you are mostly a mum, embrace it. Come home on Sunday, not Tuesday and go there on Friday, not Wednesday.

G

*i wouldn't leave my twelve week old!!

@cultkid

I dont owe my kids slavish martyrdom.

They are in no way damaged by me or their dad working and having a social life or having a close loving relationship with gp.

Dramatic much! Not wanting to leave practically newborn for a week is “Slavish martyrdom” 😁 too funny!

If you’re ok with it, go and enjoy yourself. Your parents want you to go have fun….first three months with a baby are tough!! Enjoy!! X

No way would I have done that when my dds were 12 weeks old. I did leave dd1 for one night when she was that age and that was quite enough (not least because I bfed).

It's not 'slavish martyrdom' it's stepping up as a parent.

At 12 weeks mine would have been inconsolable if I was gone that long, and I’d have been miserable. It’s completely your choice but I’d be a bit shocked if a friend did this.

Have a lovely time, your baby will be with grandparents. Baby will be fine and you’ll have a nice fun time.

I’m a nanny fyi and I’ve had babies from 12 weeks while parents have gotten away and they’ve been fine.

@Topgub Strangely enough no, I don’t judge my DH for going to work to earn money for our family. Actually I’m rather grateful that he does it, especially since I can see how much he hates being away, and since his well paid work allows me to do my very very poorly paid work.

Can you really not see the difference between the non-primary care giver travelling for work and the primary caregiver going off for a jolly?

It would never have been my choice to leave dd at that age but I hope you have a good time.

@BlackandBlueBird

To the baby? No. There's no difference. The parent is gone either way

You didn't answer my other question

To the baby? No. There's no difference. The parent is gone either way

Yes, but once again, in one case it’s the primary caregiver leaving and in the other it’s not. That makes a difference to the baby.

as for studies testing the impact of this, of course not, that would be highly unethical. But as for the basic tenets of attachment theory - that the baby forms a primary secure attachment which is then transferred to other caregivers later on towards the end of the first year - that was first described in the 60s/70s and has been backed up by a lot of research since.

That said, I haven’t been one of the people on this thread saying this will harm the baby! apart from anything else, for all we know the grandparents look after the baby all the time. OP hasn’t said.

Personally I just find it really sad that these parents would find it ok to miss out on a week at this stage in a baby’s life when so much development happens in a week. Though I believe OP has updated that they’re cutting it short.

You think being physically around your 12 week old for most of the week is slavish martyrdom?

If a primary carer feels martyred for being with their 12 week old I'd honestly be worried they'd got PND and how they'll cope with the rest of nearly two decades