To think we may be too old for kids?

[BedsideTaylor]

Bit of background, I’be just turned 40 and in the past 10 years of TTC, I’ve had 3 MC. Found it it was due to PCOS but I’ve since had cysts removed and at last appointment, things are looking much better and periods are now regular. Gynae said if I still want children, time is obviously not on my side and I would love a child as would my DH but are we too old at 40 & 45? We both act younger than we are according to our colleagues and are healthy. Most of our relatives have lived into their late 80s-90s so hopefully we will too 😂
One of DH’s friend’s wives said we were too old to consider children now and should just forget about it and be selfish and do what we want with no responsibilities (her DD is 19 now so she’s reliving her 20s!).
I’m so conflicted…

Thanks to PCOS I was 36 when we had our first and 38 with our second. My husband is 3 years older than me. I never felt we were too old, but I was called selfish for having them “so late I’d probably die before they grew up”. Nice huh? Well we’re still going strong, kids are in their 20’s now. Only you can answer the question for you.

You've been through a lot in the last ten years trying to have a child. I don't think 40 is too old for another try.

Go for it and get busy trying. My great grauhad her last baby at 50, unplanned, but clearly "not too old." Think positive and have fun trying to get pregnant.

*Grauhad??

WTF was that? GRANDMOTHER.

I know a lot of people who have had children in their 40s including a lot of friends and relatives and I honestly mean a lot! People feel the need to comment on everything and I’m sorry anyone said this to you. I obviously don’t know about your particular situation but I wish you the very very very best of luck and cross everything for you x

We conceived easily at 40 and 45 and were 41 and 46 at birth. Not too old, but we were fortunate to not have difficulties.
I think you owe it to yourselves to give it a good go, but to also accept it might not work out too. We went in to
it terrified and it was great but I know we are luckier than some.

One of DH’s friend’s wives said we were too old to consider children now and should just forget about it

so rude.

I had my 2nd at 43.

My mum thought a family friend was too old to be pregnant at 41. When I told her I was expecting at 41 she conveniently forgot she’d ever said that!

I was almost 42 and DH 44 when we had DD. We don’t feel too old, though I think we are likely to stop at one.
I had 2 MC previously and I don’t think I would have been mentally strong enough to go again if 3rd pregnancy wasn’t successful, but if you feel you can try again don’t let other people’s opinions put you off.

My sister had her DC at 38 and 40, after struggles with PCOS.

We have already lived our ‘selfish’ years and will just do what we can to stay healthy and be around for as long as possible!
good luck x

I had my last at 44. I’m knackered but it’s worth it

Not too old.

Not too old! I had my last at 40. Several people I know had their first or only at 40. They are all besotted with their kids.

One of DH’s friend’s wives said we were too old to consider children now

That's kind of rude of her; I'd never tell anyone they were "too young" to have kids at 21. People have kids happily and successfully at all kinds of ages.

Also, if I'd had a kid at 21 as she did, sure, I'd probably want to spend my 40s doing things like traveling and having childfree days out which I might have had to postpone when I was younger. If you spent your 20s and 30s doing the traveling and shopping, you may really enjoy moving into a different phase of life and enjoying different things.

I hope not, as I’m sitting up feeding my baby at the grand old age of 41.

My gran her her last baby at 40. My aunt had her kids when she was 38 and 40.

I agree with pp that this lady obviously had kids in her 20s and is now enjoying the freedom she didn’t have when she was young. On the other hand I had my 20s and 30s with no responsibilities and plenty disposable income for cocktails / travelling / lazy sundays.

I also agree that she is pretty rude and should have kept her opinions to herself!

I had DD (only child) at 38. And if I could - I would try again (40 now).

I had mine in my early 40s.

You are not too old.

After trying for 3yrs and 2 miscarriages, my husband and I had our DD at 40.
She's now 3months old and I want to try for another one in the future.

If it's something you and your husband really want then why not have hope and keep trying. I know it's hard after having miscarriages as I myself was so scared it would happen again but we are so lucky now to have a beautiful, healthy and happy little girl. I would go through all the pain and heartache all over again for her.
The NHS were also amazing at keeping an eye on me during my pregnancy and we were so lucky not to have any complications.
Good luck with your journey
X

Some random man on OLD told me I was selfish at 34 for still wanting kids as I was too old! (I did not go on a date with him, obviously) I’m now 44 and still trying to have my first after multiple miscarriages, and my best friend had her only at 41. Don’t listen to other people, what matters is how you and DH feel about it.

Can I ask what too old means? Do you mean at 40 to go through a pregnancy or at 55 jumping around the trampoline park with your teens and other physical activities

@Hyvsvaar what does that even mean? Why would she be jumping around trampoline park with her 15 year old, i dont think the 15 year old would be too happy! OP, you are not too old, had first child 34, last child 42 and not a bother. Best of luck

Who cares what anyone else says. Basically what they are saying is that they wouldnt fancy it, but they already have kids, so they are not in your position. I had my daughter at 43. Best thing I ever did. She is now almost 4. It has to be right for YOU.

I was 37 and 39 when I had my two DC. There were a few older mums at the DC's school than me. Go for it!!!

My parents were exactly those ages. I was 61 when my dad died and 62 when my mum went.

Go for it. Had my first at 38 and second at 43. I'd love to have been younger but it just didn't work out that way. Also, truth be told I suspect I'm a much better mum now than I would have been in my twenties or early thirties (this is obviously just me. Not saying it's true for anyone else). Best of luck!!

I'm based in London and sooooo many women I work with had their first kid at 40+. Then another one straight after! Definitely not too old, go for it!