To think we may be too old for kids?

[BedsideTaylor]

Bit of background, I’be just turned 40 and in the past 10 years of TTC, I’ve had 3 MC. Found it it was due to PCOS but I’ve since had cysts removed and at last appointment, things are looking much better and periods are now regular. Gynae said if I still want children, time is obviously not on my side and I would love a child as would my DH but are we too old at 40 & 45? We both act younger than we are according to our colleagues and are healthy. Most of our relatives have lived into their late 80s-90s so hopefully we will too 😂
One of DH’s friend’s wives said we were too old to consider children now and should just forget about it and be selfish and do what we want with no responsibilities (her DD is 19 now so she’s reliving her 20s!).
I’m so conflicted…

You’re not too old! I’m pregnant at 47. I’m full of energy, fit and healthy. The image of women in their forties looking and behaving like a geriatric are over.

When I go for my obs appointments the midwives and medics I see are always totally unfazed by my age. I’m being treated as anyone in their 20s. My consultant has said I’m healthier than a lot of her patients 15 years younger.

It’s no one’s business but mine how I live my life. My child will have the most amazing childhood, far better than my own when my mother had me at 21. DH is super fit too. Not to blow our own trumpets but we will be fantastic parents. We both envy the life our unborn child will have with us

I proper can’t be doing with these people who had their kids in their late teens or early twenties who tell anyone over the age of 35 that they’re too old for kids. I didn’t want to spend my twenties amongst nappies and bottles I wanted foreign travel and cocktails. Each to their own I guess

It’s very common now to have children at your age, and indeed it was in also very common in previous generations. My Gran had my Dad at 44. I’ve got several friends who had children in their late thirties-early forties. Ignore any judgement and do what is right for your family.

You are absolutely not too old! If you want children, I say go for it. I had my second at 41 (and hope to have another) and can think of six friends off the top of my head who had their first child in their early forties and have gone on to have more. They are all terrific parents - still very fun and active, but also with more financial stability and maturity behind them than they would have had in their twenties and thirties. Ignore the naysayer and do what you want.

I am 59, foster mum to a 2 year old, trampolines, swings,slides, climbing frames are all accessible to me and don't hold me back from enjoying the kids I care for.

You aren’t too old!

Everyone has different limits on what they class as being “too old” and you will hear 101 opinions I’m sure.

I was 30 when I had my first and almost 34 when I had my second. When I was pregnant with my second a colleague actually said to me, “Aren’t you a little bit too old to be having a baby?”

Mine and DH’s cut off was no babies after the age of 35 as we felt that having babies after that age just wasn’t for us.

Obviously your husband is older but if he thinks he will be fine parenting a hyperactive 3/4 year old when he’s 50 then fair play to him!

I think as you are both aware of the increased difficulties and risks associated with having babies at this age and are prepared to accept the potential consequence then you should absolutely have a baby as you both have obviously tried very hard to have one and so it will be very much wanted.

The best of luck to you both.

I had my first baby at the age of 39, turning 40 when she was 3months old.
My partner has just turned 54.

Honest opinion: I'm not too old... but he is.

Looking after a baby is a feat of hard physical endurance. I was fit before pregnancy (less so now), keen runner etc... and I can manage on very little sleep. I've always felt young for my age and I think I manage as well as someone half my age would. However my partner is a wreck. He does about 1/5th of the childcare I do, and it wipes him out. I genuinely believe it's down to his age. Whether that's a physical or a mental thing, I don't know... but he can't cope with a mildly demanding baba when his body/brain just wants a slower pace of life.

I recently had my baby at 34, and was described by the medical staff multiple times as young. Most of the other women were a few years older (although for many it was their second). I don’t think early 40s is too old, my mother had her third at 41, conceived very easily.

I was 35 and 36 when I had my kids mainly due to choice - career first - but also cos I didn't meet a man I felt true livecfor until I was 33yo.

I think having kids young is great cos you get grandkids young, but I wouldn't change my life.

So my advice is to go for it. Good luck xxx

Go for it, the only time its too late is menopause!

*truly loved

I don't think it's too old exactly but maybe more difficult. My mum had her third at 43 after an 18 year gap and that was fine. I have a friend who just told me she's pregnant and she's 44 and I admit it shocked me (more because her and husband got engaged 5 years ago and spent 3 years planning a hugely lavish abroad wedding and paying for everyone to attend etc. It was like a celeb wedding so I assumed they didn't want kids as if you're 39 when you get engaged and want children I'd have thought you would want to speed things along). Mentally I think of her as loads younger so don't think she will seem like an 'old mum'.

There is something like a 1 in 10 chance of getting pregnant and a 50% chance of miscarriage over the age of 40 which would worry me so it may be worth really focusing on health and fitness. Keeping BMI healthy, lots of good excersise and a healthy diet to boost chances of conception and a healthy pregnancy.

It's all relative 45 or 40 does seem old compared to someone in the early 20s. If you've had complications like you OP I guess the ball has been taken out of your hands.

Mate, you are not too old - go for it.

I couldn't do it, but then i was traumatised when my mum died aged 48, i was 20. If she'd had me later in life, i would have lost her as a teen, or even a child, which would have been even worse.
Then again my friends dad was 48 when she was conceived and he's still kicking now at almost 80.
What risk factors do you have from your current/past lifestyle, that could affect your future health? My mum was a past smoker ( quit 11 years prior to death) and it was smoking related brain cancer that killed her, so if you are, or ever have been a smoker, you're much higher cancer risk and could die fairly young.

My mum didn't meet my dad until she was in her 40s and then had me. They are lovely parents. They loads of time and patience, they made me their priority. I had lovely childhood.

If you are able to have a baby you are not too old. Anyway 40 is the new 30 isn’t it? Older parents might lack the raw energy of younger mothers and fathers but have other compensating qualities like greater life experience, confidence and perspective. And you’ll only be in your early 60s when DS/DD graduates- that’s hardly your dotage (60 being the new 40). Of course there are no guarantees and you might not succeed, but if so, when you are a properly old couple looking back on your life are you more likely to regret trying unsuccessfully - or not trying and never knowing?
I had both my DS in my 40s. I might not be the yummiest mummy at the school, nobody mistakes me for their older sister and my cultural references are a bit out, but my boys don’t care about any of that, I don’t get bullied by the teachers or flustered by things that would have upset me 20 years ago and I can even help with 20th Century history projects!
💐🪺🤞🏻

Had my 4th at 43 ...was knackered but wouldn't change it for the world. Go for it as you will always regret it if you don't

Not too old at all- I had my DD just after my 4rd birthday (2 days after her Dad’s 43rd birthday), on our 1 year anniversary. We met late and fell pregnant quickly (& unexpectedly. I think the phrase “as if, we’re 42!” was used😬) and were lucky to have a straightforward pregnancy and birth (planned section due to being a geriatric…). Yes, it’s been tiring at times but she’s also the best impetus for us to maintain our health and fitness at a time when it would be so easy to let it go a bit!
Good luck!

Definitely not too old. I was nearly 42 when I had mine, after 2 miscarriages at 40. She's fine, we are fine. She is very high energy and it is tiring but we can keep up. I'm nearly 50 now and she's been a good incentive for us to stay fit. I'm in the sticks and we are not the oldest parents in the playground. My parents who are in their 70s can manage looking after her, including all the running around playing - I'm sure you'll be fine in your 40s!

You're doing the same thing. @LuckySantangelo35. Saying it to that one particular woman who was rude first is different to exclaiming on this thread.

Whaaat it’s what I do with my 18,15 and 13 year old also throw myself around inflatable waterparks and via ferratas

@Hyvsvaar en okay, sounds like fun, im sure she can do the same as well if she wants to...age is just a number 😀

Your not too old to get pregnant. There may be increased risks of complications but those complications can happen to anyone and we are lucky to have doctors looking out for indications of that. As they grow up you may feel the physical side more than you would have if you’d had the child in your 20’s but based on how much you’ve been trying and how much you’ve gone through already for the experience - feeling it a bit more is likely something you’d be willing to accept?

I know so many women who had kids in their 40's and 3 of them were No reason why you can't try to stay fit and healthy and live long enough to see your child's 40th birthday.