To think we may be too old for kids?

[BedsideTaylor]

Bit of background, I’be just turned 40 and in the past 10 years of TTC, I’ve had 3 MC. Found it it was due to PCOS but I’ve since had cysts removed and at last appointment, things are looking much better and periods are now regular. Gynae said if I still want children, time is obviously not on my side and I would love a child as would my DH but are we too old at 40 & 45? We both act younger than we are according to our colleagues and are healthy. Most of our relatives have lived into their late 80s-90s so hopefully we will too 😂
One of DH’s friend’s wives said we were too old to consider children now and should just forget about it and be selfish and do what we want with no responsibilities (her DD is 19 now so she’s reliving her 20s!).
I’m so conflicted…

Not too old at all, go for it!

That's so rude! Why do some people feel it's necessary to share such a negative and pointless comment. When we were asked about our baby and age the reply was oh you've left it late.
We have only just turned 40. So rude and stupid.

Absolute rubbish, you aren't too old at all! We've struggled with infertility and miscarriage for 2 years and getting to know the community, there are so many wonderful parents in their late 30s and 40s it's really no bog deal at all any more. I say go for it if it's what you want, or you will always wonder x

No I wouldn't think you are too old. I think who ever said that to you is very rude!

40 isn't too old.

You’re definitely not too old. Most parents are the reception of my sons primary school are mid 40s. It’s just up to you whether you want to have children or not. If you do then go for it.

Every couple and situation is different so you and your partner will know what's best for you. If it feels right, then go for it!

I'm 33, DH is 51 and we have a 6 month old...it is tiring, but SO worth it.

Every situation is different. Like you we TTC for 10 years and during that time had multiple MC. I decided that 40 was my cut off. I'm 43 now and we're childless. I decided that I don't want to be at retirement and paying out uni fees etc. At 40 all of my friends kids are at school, I don't want to be starting the baby journey. It took some time to accept that we will be childless but once we decided enough is enough and stopped TTC, it was liberating. I felt like I had my life back after years of monitoring my cycle every month and constantly being on alert for symptoms.

Like most women I assumed I'd have a child but it got to the stage where actually, having a child in reality wasn't going to be what I wanted it to be due to time moving on and the realities of what that meant.

So for me, starting a family after 40 wasn't what I wanted. I think starting a family at this age is very different to having second or third child in 40's.

At end of the day it's entirely your choice.

It's easy to say I wouldnt have a preschooler in my 40s, because well I already have children. If the choice was 1 at 40 or none I would pick 1.
I probably wouldnt have one post 45 in all honesty

I had DD at age 41 through IVF. I'm fitter now (at 43) than 10 years ago....

I have a DC in reception at a London pre-prep school and early to mid 40s is the typical age of the mums and some of the Dad’s are even older still. It’s completely up to you whether you feel like you want to continue but these days you certainly wouldn’t stand out because of your age. And the friend’s wife is obnoxiously rude, don’t give what she said a second thought.

Good luck.

Not too old at all! I'm 34 but DH is 48 and our first is due in late Oct (I'll be 35 by then). We plan on a second one when I'm around 38/39 - not a single person we know has batted an eyelid.

Times have changed, so long as baby is healthy who cares about age!?

Depends where you live really. In my neck of the woods most mums are late 30s/early 40s. Younger than 34 is rare. But this isn't the case everywhere and sometimes sticking out isn't easy for the kid. Biologically i don't think it's too late though. My sister was born when my mum was 41. She's late teens now and fine.

More people over 40 than under 20 are currently having babies. I had mine at 39, 40, 43 and currently 30 weeks with our 4th at 46! All naturally conceived, all a joy. Go for it

When your child is 40 and in the thick of their own life they will possibly also have you to look after so this would a no from me.

I say this as someone who looks after an elderly lady and I see the struggle that the family go through.

I'm 41 and now consider myself 'too old ' but that's because I've had two children and don't want to repeat the baby years (although I loved them at the time).

I wouldn't feel this way if I didn't have children (and my last was at 37 so hardly a massive difference).

I think a lot is projection that people don't want to go back to the night wake ups and early mornings now life is getting easier but you've not had that and so will still have the energy and enthusiasm for it.

At 40 you certainly wouldn't be out of place at any of the baby groups I've been to.

If you want this, now is the time to try, not to have regrets about the what ifs

I know lots of women who've had children over 40, I assume they arent on here as this site is obsessed by the subject, this question is asked all the time

Why does anyone care or pay heed to the views of other people on their reproductive decisions? Would anyone actually not try to get pregnant because someone said they were too old, why would anyone do that?

My sisters had children at 45 and 48, they are doing ok. I had mine at 21 and am doing ok. if you really really want kids then have them.

op my mother was 25 when she had me I was 45 when she died from "natural courses" no 40+ is NOT to late to have a baby you simply can not know when your time is. I get so frustrated when people make comments about being " to old" To old for what? Im in my 50s im not going trampolining with anyone. I didnt in my 20s either. During my childrens schooling 2 dads died suddenly one in his 30s one in his 40s again no rhyme or reason its just sometimes peoples time to go. My darling MIL lived to be 91 and she was in her late 30s when she had DH and his brother we had her for much longer than we did my mother its not to do with how old you are when you have the child. Its to do with how much love you can give them.

I had my kids at 41 and 43. It's been grand.

Where do you live? In my area there are loads of women in their late thirties/early forties having babies. You certainly wouldn’t stand out at baby groups/the school gates.

Your friend is very rude!

Not too old to parent but obviously biology makes it harder to get to that point.

One of my obstetrician friends told me that if you have a miscarriage post 40 you are more likely to end up with a live baby than not.

This doesn't hold true for someone post 40 who never gets a positive pregnancy test. I've got a friend desperately trying for a first baby at the moment (we are early 40s) and I'm clinging on to that for her.

Agree with this. Where I live I am the same age as some grandmothers.

There are also children in my DC class at school whose aunts and uncles are in the class below them at school.

Personally, I wouldn't have another after 40. I'm 42 now. But I say that as someone with two kids in juniors now. If I was having my first child at 40 I probably would.

I am pregnant now with my first, and my DP is 45 :) He sometimes comments that his only worry is being 'too old' but quite honestly I don't think it's an unusual age to be having a child nowadays.

This is very personal and depends on the child you have.

I was 38 when I had my first (and only) in 2019. He is an absolute bundle of energy who is impulsive, lightning fast and can bolt on the turn of a dime. He has tested my fitness to the absolute limits (and I was relatively fit before).

I do feel tired keeping up with him in my early 40s!