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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off at DH being patronising about swearing

92 replies

BossBabysMum · 20/06/2022 09:07

I'm a swearer, always have been, which DH knew when he met me.

However I have always, always tried to curb it around the kids (his older kids, my DSC and our joint DC).

A few times recently DH has 'told me off' in front of his kids (teens) for saying bloody hell or the other day it was saying I was 'pissed off' about something at work.

I didn't say anything straight away but said to him afterward that I felt he was being patronising and to not tell me off like that again in front of people or we'd be having the argument about it in front of them. If I'd been saying 'oh this fucking twatting cunt at work' then fair enough but saying bloody and piss once, in front of teenagers who probably weren't even listening to us at the time?!

He thinks it's up to him what his kids hear... I totally disagree and think you can't police other people like that, in their own house especially.

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 20/06/2022 09:12

That sounds v annoying, particularly as those are barely swear words in the first place! Mind you, DD(3) exclaimed 'Jesus Christ!' the other day when DH accidentally trod on her foot, so maybe we aren't the best examples Grin

But it does sound OTT, especially when his children are teenagers!

Ohthatsexciting · 20/06/2022 09:13

So has he recently asked you to stop
or
have you recently started swearing in front of his children?

Original poster
BossBabysMum · 20/06/2022 09:18

Ohthatsexciting · 20/06/2022 09:13

So has he recently asked you to stop
or
have you recently started swearing in front of his children?

I've not changed anything about the way I talk in front of the kids.

I do try very very hard never to say anything like fuck in front of them, but have always said the odd bloody or piss 🤣

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 20/06/2022 09:18

He thinks it's up to him what his kids hear... I totally disagree and think you can't police other people like that, in their own house especially

You’re being unreasonable. He’s hardly asking for too much by asking you not to swear around his kids. It’s not patronising to ask you to stop.

Meraas · 20/06/2022 09:21

luxxlisbon · 20/06/2022 09:18

He thinks it's up to him what his kids hear... I totally disagree and think you can't police other people like that, in their own house especially

You’re being unreasonable. He’s hardly asking for too much by asking you not to swear around his kids. It’s not patronising to ask you to stop.

'Bloody hell' and being 'pissed off' is hardly swearing. I'm sure his teens say a lot worse outside the home.

Original poster
BossBabysMum · 20/06/2022 09:21

That sounds v annoying, particularly as those are barely swear words in the first place!

This was my point. They aren't even swear words really, not to me anyway 🤣 I could understand if I'd been talking all f'ing this and that. But saying bloody hell and pissed off once in a conversation when teenagers just happen to be present in the room?

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 20/06/2022 09:25

I wouldn’t swear in front of young kids, but I would rapidly lose patience with someone who was prissy about me saying ‘bloody’ or ‘pissed off’ in front of their teenagers. He doesn’t have to swear in front of them if he doesn’t think it’s appropriate, but I don’t think he should be policing your language around teenagers who will be hearing much worse approximately a thousand times a day from other people. He can’t protect them from other people swearing so it’s absurd to think he should be protecting them from you saying ‘bloody hell’ now and again.

I also think he’s infantilising his teenagers a bit. Would he stop them from watching a tv programme or reading a book that had swearing in it?! They’re not little children.

MugginsOverEre · 20/06/2022 09:27

Well there would only be one reply from me.

I'd laugh whilst saying "Oh fuck of!"

But I'm a firm believer of do as I say not as I do. That's why mummy is allowed to swear but my children don't.

Ohthatsexciting · 20/06/2022 09:32

BossBabysMum · 20/06/2022 09:18

I've not changed anything about the way I talk in front of the kids.

I do try very very hard never to say anything like fuck in front of them, but have always said the odd bloody or piss 🤣

Show quote history

So he has just randomly started telling you that you are swearing too much? After years of never having mentioned?

RegardingMary · 20/06/2022 09:32

I think he's doing the right thing.

He's maintaining a standard across the household, 'we do not swear'. Just because you're older doesn't mean the rules don't apply. If you don't want your children saying it under your roof, then nobody else should either.

Ita much less confusing that way.

Original poster
BossBabysMum · 20/06/2022 09:34

RegardingMary · 20/06/2022 09:32

I think he's doing the right thing.

He's maintaining a standard across the household, 'we do not swear'. Just because you're older doesn't mean the rules don't apply. If you don't want your children saying it under your roof, then nobody else should either.

Ita much less confusing that way.

Just because you're older doesn't mean the rules don't apply

My first thought to that is who is he to tell me what the 'rules' are in my own home around what I can and can't say. I'm not a child and he's not my parent or boss.

OP posts:
Original poster
BossBabysMum · 20/06/2022 09:34

Ohthatsexciting · 20/06/2022 09:32

So he has just randomly started telling you that you are swearing too much? After years of never having mentioned?

Show quote history

He's never mentioned it before no. And then during a few conversations recently he's said it when I've said bloody hell or pissed off.

OP posts:
pointythings · 20/06/2022 09:41

I hate people who are pearl clutchy about swearing. My late husband became increasingly like that as the kids grew older.

The 'we have to be consistent' rule really doesn't apply with teens, @RegardingMary - they're perfectly well able to distinguish between situations where swearing isn't an issue and where it is. Mine managed that from age 5 or thereabouts.

Ohthatsexciting · 20/06/2022 09:45

BossBabysMum · 20/06/2022 09:34

He's never mentioned it before no. And then during a few conversations recently he's said it when I've said bloody hell or pissed off.

Show quote history

So after years of never having said anything

he randomly has recently mentioned a few times

have you asked him why the sudden change??

Yodaisawally · 20/06/2022 09:45

It's hardly swearing is it. I swear too much, so do a lot of the people I work with, it is never directed at a person well only if they are out of earshot I really can't get worked up about most swear words. I draw the line at cunt.

I'm pretty sure his kids will be swearing when the are out of the house.

Ohthatsexciting · 20/06/2022 09:46

Could it be less about the swearing

and more about fact you are clearly “pissed off” a lot and it’s a bit depressing for him and his children to be around?!

Original poster
BossBabysMum · 20/06/2022 09:47

Ohthatsexciting · 20/06/2022 09:46

Could it be less about the swearing

and more about fact you are clearly “pissed off” a lot and it’s a bit depressing for him and his children to be around?!

Where did I say I am pissed off a lot?

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 20/06/2022 09:48

I wouldn’t want you swearing around my teens either, no matter what they do at school etc.
Control yourself and stop it.

Meraas · 20/06/2022 09:50

He's never mentioned it before no. And then during a few conversations recently he's said it when I've said bloody hell or pissed off.

I bet you a £100 he won't give a toss when you say the words above in front of your shared child.

Ohthatsexciting · 20/06/2022 09:51

So how many times has he actually
mentioned?

and have you asked why he’s so suddenly changed for never having had a problem before with it?

ThisMustBeMyDream · 20/06/2022 09:58

If my DP was swearing in front of my children then yes I'd absolutely pull him up on it. Luckily DP agrees with me completely. He has on the odd occasion slipped up, forgetting that the children are in earshot etc, but he is always apologetic and not at all an arse about it. He is the same with his own DD and feels it is unnecessary to swear around kids.
I'm probably far swearier than most of you and happily use words others consider awful. I learned from my mother (who I've had words with over swearing in front of my kids) who was a bloody primary head and certainly does know better!! I reckon I was swearing from around 6. Swear words are pretty much part of my vocab but I don't feel the need to do it in front of my kids. My eldest is 20, so now I'll swear in front of him (never at him) and we have a laugh etc. But the 9 and 7 year olds - nope. Not necessary. Particularly for my 9 year old with autism and adhd. It would actively cause him problems.
If my DP wasn't like this, I'd have dumped the fucker quite frankly.
I have friends who swear around their kids and it honestly makes me cringe. Just pack it in for a bit!

Original poster
BossBabysMum · 20/06/2022 10:00

If my DP wasn't like this, I'd have dumped the fucker quite frankly.

You'd dump the fucker if he said bloody hell in front your kids?

Fucking hell... 🤣

OP posts:
Meraas · 20/06/2022 10:01

ThisMustBeMyDream · 20/06/2022 09:58

If my DP was swearing in front of my children then yes I'd absolutely pull him up on it. Luckily DP agrees with me completely. He has on the odd occasion slipped up, forgetting that the children are in earshot etc, but he is always apologetic and not at all an arse about it. He is the same with his own DD and feels it is unnecessary to swear around kids.
I'm probably far swearier than most of you and happily use words others consider awful. I learned from my mother (who I've had words with over swearing in front of my kids) who was a bloody primary head and certainly does know better!! I reckon I was swearing from around 6. Swear words are pretty much part of my vocab but I don't feel the need to do it in front of my kids. My eldest is 20, so now I'll swear in front of him (never at him) and we have a laugh etc. But the 9 and 7 year olds - nope. Not necessary. Particularly for my 9 year old with autism and adhd. It would actively cause him problems.
If my DP wasn't like this, I'd have dumped the fucker quite frankly.
I have friends who swear around their kids and it honestly makes me cringe. Just pack it in for a bit!

Did you read the OP? OP is talking about TEENS.

Ohthatsexciting · 20/06/2022 10:01

Aren’t you remotely intrigued op why he has suddenly developed a problem with this having never had any issue with it before?!

RegardingMary · 20/06/2022 10:02

@pointythings

No pearl clutching at all. I'm certainly not against swearing. I just think if the rule is no swearing, then it should apply to everyone.

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