To be pissed off at DH being patronising about swearing

[BossBabysMum]

I'm a swearer, always have been, which DH knew when he met me.

However I have always, always tried to curb it around the kids (his older kids, my DSC and our joint DC).

A few times recently DH has 'told me off' in front of his kids (teens) for saying bloody hell or the other day it was saying I was 'pissed off' about something at work.

I didn't say anything straight away but said to him afterward that I felt he was being patronising and to not tell me off like that again in front of people or we'd be having the argument about it in front of them. If I'd been saying 'oh this fucking twatting cunt at work' then fair enough but saying bloody and piss once, in front of teenagers who probably weren't even listening to us at the time?!

He thinks it's up to him what his kids hear... I totally disagree and think you can't police other people like that, in their own house especially.

Why are you a swearer though not very nice is it. Why don't you stop. Nothing nice about it
Sounds common and awful.

Yes, and I'd hold the same opinion on teens too. I said children. That covers until 18.
Until mine are 18, I'm the parent and hold the parent relationship, the friendship and the jovial swearing etc comes once they are grown up.

I am with your DH on this one, only thing is perhaps the criticism should be out of the hearing of your DC.

I'd say the same if your DH was the one who swore a lot, not you.

Gosh, that’s rude and judgmental! People express themselves in different ways.

Also, just a little tip - on the internet, no need to quote the OP (Original Post) as it’s taken that’s who you’re replying to unless you quote otherwise.

I am in 2 minds about it. On the one hand you should be able to say what you like in your own home. On the other hand though he has expressed to you that he finds your language uncomfortable around his dc.

I do think if my DP asked me not to swear in front of his dc, I'd respect that and not do it. Its hardly asking the world.

So because you don't find the phrases offensive no one else should?

Okaaay.

So because you don't find the phrases offensive no one else should?

People can find things offensive, there are plenty of people around these days who get offended by anything at all. I don't think that means you can tell people off for saying something which could be potentially offensive in such a minor way though. Bloody hell is not a hugely offensive term in anyone's book surely? And I think with things like that you have to accept you don't control other people's language.

So because you don't find the phrases offensive no one else should?

I'm just going to leave this here....

Why are you a swearer though not very nice is it. Why don't you stop. Nothing nice about it
Sounds common and awful

Because I fucking like it. 😁

My DH was similar about swearing in front of the DSD until I pointed out they both watched Derry Girls and presumably he would stop that too?! He piped down then...

Tbh I think id raise an eyebrow at anyone who found those two phrases THAT offensive that they needed to tell someone off for saying them. It's all a bit dramatic isn't it.

I'm sorry I'm with your OH. I hate swearing. I certainly don't want to hear it in my home. I could cope with pissed off but not bloody hell. For one, it's very dramatic and I find this annoying.

I would have had an issue if my partner was swearing in front of my teenage kids.

I expect they don't swear much but if they do, it certainly isn't in front of me.

Tbh, I swear in front of my DC - fuck, shit whatever. I don't swear at them or anybody else. My 15yo swears very occasionally and my 10yo knows not to as people frown on it from kids. I know other non- swearing in front of DC families where the young DC will use swear words to be naughty, mine have never done that as they know they'll get no reaction from me!

He shouldn't have told you off in front of them (although you did say they weren't listening!). But I do think he has a point. The fact that they will hear swear words elsewhere is irrelevant - they look to their parents to guide them. We teach them how to behave (not eat with mouth open, not drop litter etc.) and we model behaviour in all sorts of ways (being honest, etc). I also personally find hearing swearing all the time very tedious (including bloody and the other mild ones.) And if you do use them a lot, when you really need to swear you're forced to up your game.

DS (27) started swearing a lot once he started working on building sites, but he rarely does when talking to me. But when he hears me swear, he knows I mean business because it's rare!

They’re his DC so I think you should respect his wishes regarding not swearing when around them. It’s not hard to control yourself, it’s not like you can get addicted to swearing. I’d have the same opinion if the parent were a mum and her DP were swearing around her DC. It doesn’t matter to me what age the DC are, so them being teenagers is neither here nor there.

Maybe he just sees it as a respect thing. I'm nearly 30 with 2 kids and I've never heard my dad swear. Apparently he's very sweary at the football or at the pub with his friends.

We were never sheltered from swearing on tv or movies but my parents didn't swear in front of us and we don't swear in front of them.

Anyone using ths 'it's common' argument against swearing instantly reveals themselves as a massive classist snob...

Well didn't swear in front of my kids, never heard them swear in front of us. But of course they did swear elsewhere.

Next time go for a "bloody isn't fucking swearing is it dh, dont be a cunt" bet he won't do it again 😂

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

no alcohol, no driving, no sex then. I mean if the kids aren't allowed then the adults shouldn't either 🙄🙄🙄

@BossBabysMum pissed off, is a bit more 'sweary' & I wouldn't around younger kids, teenagers just in the room, no bother! I wouldn't say I was pissed off with them, to them, though but that's not what happened.

tell twat features that if he ever speaks to you like that again, you'll be doing much more than saying bloody hell.

sanctimonious idiot.

is he going to home school them? Does he not think they're hearing/saying much worse out of his earshot.

Jesus Christ - most teens can be dicks at times.

me? Recovering from a minor op and bored!

Did you accidentally bite yourself while gnawing at a bone???

If my partner called my children, his SC “dicks”

nope, I wouldn’t like that.

I can say it. But I wouldn’t like anyone else to!

Not to their face
but I came across a message for example where he describes them as such

I recall a study at one of the universities that did a study on parents who swore freely and their offsprings chances in life. The results being if parents reined it in the children would do better in education and life. I wondered if it was a rich versus poor vocabulary thing

@JuneJubilee

It's not really the same though is it. Thd law says all the other thing.