To be pissed off at DH being patronising about swearing

[BossBabysMum]

I'm a swearer, always have been, which DH knew when he met me.

However I have always, always tried to curb it around the kids (his older kids, my DSC and our joint DC).

A few times recently DH has 'told me off' in front of his kids (teens) for saying bloody hell or the other day it was saying I was 'pissed off' about something at work.

I didn't say anything straight away but said to him afterward that I felt he was being patronising and to not tell me off like that again in front of people or we'd be having the argument about it in front of them. If I'd been saying 'oh this fucking twatting cunt at work' then fair enough but saying bloody and piss once, in front of teenagers who probably weren't even listening to us at the time?!

He thinks it's up to him what his kids hear... I totally disagree and think you can't police other people like that, in their own house especially.

He thinks it's up to him what his kids hear

So he has asked their friends not to swear around them? Absolute crap. It's just a control angle.

Just keep on being you.

But who said the rule was this and who gets to decide it?

He didn't say anything just that he thinks it's up to him what his kids hear. If it happens again I'll ask him.

That's hardly even swearing, they'll be hearing much worse than that at school.

So he has said ONCE to you to hold back on the swearing?

If I was going to start getting into armchair psychologist territory I'd agree with another PP who says is infantilising his older kids because he doesn't like that they are growing up (he struggles with his in other ways) and it's a small way of acting like they are still small kids.

I'd love you to secretly record them with their friends at school, and play it to your DH to show him what their language is like when he's not around!

If he's that stressed about them hearing words that regularly crop up before the watershed on tv, I think he's got a problem.

Even my 90+ YO and very straightlaced aunt says "pissed off" these days. When I was a kid, she wouldn't say worse than "bother" and "damn".

And "telling [you] off" is really patronising.

When did pissed off stop being swearing?
im really out of touch 😁

A few times recently DH has 'told me off' in front of his kids (teens) for saying bloody hell or the other day it was saying I was 'pissed off' about something at work.

so did he say anything or not?!

Bloody hell, am I under arrest? 🤣

No as I said in my OP and subsequent posts, he's said it a few times. Once being last night which is when I brought it up with him after having enough of it.

How long have you been with him? How do you get on with you SC? Any children you share with him?

i am just baffled that he’s said it a few times and you haven’t thought to say

”how come the sudden change after never having had any problem with it?”

My DC hear worse from their teachers.

I’d find your DHs approach really odd for teens. Teens need to understand when to swear and when not to. Having a blanket ban of minor swear words doesn’t seem necessary to me. I’d be a bit bemused at being told not to swear in front of them.

What's with the intense interrogation?!

A few times he's told me off in front of the kids for saying bloody hell or pissed off. The last time being last night.

When they'd gone I told him to stop patronising me by doing it and that if he did it again we'd be having this conversation in front of them as in I wouldn't wait until they'd left the room to pull him up about it.

You asked me what he said when I asked why he'd just started being bothered, that is what I meant by he didn't say anything. He didn't say anything to that. Just that it was up to him what his kids hear.

Is that okay with you now?

7 years.

We get on fine, they can be dicks sometimes like all teens can be I'm sure but on the whole we're good.

We do share children yes as I say in my OP. They weren't there though.

Basically sounds like a storm in a teacup!

unless when you told him to back off he said he wouldn’t.

either way - if I had to put money on it, I would probably out a bet on the issues between you and your SC and DH as being a tad broader than swearing!

me? Recovering from a minor op and bored!

I couldn't bear this. Tell him to fuck off. And then when he's fucked off, to fuck off again. I'm afraid that kind of behaviour would make me want to swear more.

My ex husband used to call me a fishwife when I swore. Hence he's now an ex.

His children can be “dicks” sometimes?

lovely

Yes they can. As can my own. As can my niece's. As can my mates kids.

All kids have the potential to be dicks every now and then 🤣 but on the whole they are good kids and our relationship is fine.

@Ohthatsexciting all kids can be dicks sometimes. What's wrong with her saying that? Are you up for a bit of SM bashing or something?

He doesn't get to police your language, particularly when you aren't using the 'bad' swearwords. Using pissed and bloody hell in front of teens who have heard worse in general conversation with their peers is a bit OTT. I can understand if it's in front of toddlers, but come on, that's ridiculous. He has nothing to say to you when you tackled him on it? So he has no valid reason for telling you off?

Oh no I forgot the all DSC are angels rule of MN 🤣

Nah, they are just normal teens who yes can be dicks sometimes.

Other than it's up to him what his kids hear nope!

I'd dump the fucker if he was regularly swearing in front of my kids, absolutely.