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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not find this funny.

118 replies

Tootsey11 · 19/06/2022 19:44

Dp and I making dinner a while a go.

I had started the gravy off and Dp was keeping an eye on it stirring etc while I was busy.
Conversation went as follows:

Me: Is it OK, (wasn't sure if I had put enough bisto powder in)
Him: Yeah, it's fine. Nice and thick, just like you.

Said with a smirk.

Just one in a long line of his 'jokes' which strangely enough are always at my expense.
Am I just too sensitive???

OP posts:
PashunFroot · 19/06/2022 20:33

Wrongkindofovercoat · 19/06/2022 20:27

Only reply should have been 'but not like your penis', wink, wave little finger, tinkly laugh because its 'just' a little joke.

That’s what an exchange between me and my husband would have been and we both would have laughed.

Octomore · 19/06/2022 20:33

Wrongkindofovercoat · 19/06/2022 20:27

Only reply should have been 'but not like your penis', wink, wave little finger, tinkly laugh because its 'just' a little joke.

Do you not think that swapping nasty digs with the intent of hurting your spouse is a pretty crap state of affairs? It's not going to make the OP feel any better, is it?

He's a shit, but she doesn't need to stoop to his level to let him know what a wanker he is.

ReneBumsWombats · 19/06/2022 20:35

PashunFroot · 19/06/2022 20:33

That’s what an exchange between me and my husband would have been and we both would have laughed.

Show quote history

But presumably neither of you would do it if the other didn't laugh.

girlmom21 · 19/06/2022 20:36

Ask him if he finds you so unattractive why he bothered marrying you, or is it just that he's so insecure in himself he has to keep chipping away at you to make sure you don't have enough self esteem left to believe you could find better

RepublicOfNarnia · 19/06/2022 20:37

If you're not laughing then it's not funny and as you say it's just another 'joke' of his at your expense so yanbu. But to me 'thick' is a compliment - it denotes a particular body shape and it's not puerile or derogatory in the slightest as per suggestions by previous posters.

NerrSnerr · 19/06/2022 20:38

BrylcreamBeret · 19/06/2022 19:48

In this example, your partner sounds like a wanker and YANBU but stop using Bisto and make gravy yourself, Bisto is far too salty.

It's ok, she wasn't making the gravy for you. She can make it how she likes.

RollOnWinter · 19/06/2022 20:39

It's neither funny nor interesting. You both need to learn the art of conversation.

5128gap · 19/06/2022 20:40

Rosscameasdoody · 19/06/2022 20:33

See if he still finds it funny when he’s cooking his own dinner, dealing with his own laundry and going without sex for a while. He doesn’t respect you if he says these things knowing you don’t like it, so time to get the message through.

If a woman needs to trade sex and domestic chores for a man's respect, it won't be respect she's getting and it won't be teaching him anything a man should be learning. She's an articulate intelligent adult, and should challenge him with words.

girlmom21 · 19/06/2022 20:41

RepublicOfNarnia · 19/06/2022 20:37

If you're not laughing then it's not funny and as you say it's just another 'joke' of his at your expense so yanbu. But to me 'thick' is a compliment - it denotes a particular body shape and it's not puerile or derogatory in the slightest as per suggestions by previous posters.

You can tell by the way someone says something whether it's an insult or a compliment.

JuneJubilee · 19/06/2022 20:41

AppaTheSixLeggedFlyingBison · 19/06/2022 19:50

Did he mean thick or thicc? Thick is mean, thicc is a compliment to mean curvy in all the right places

What fresh hell is this absolute stupidity??

MadMadMadamMim · 19/06/2022 20:42

I couldn't be doing with this. Sounds like you're not married. Just dump him.

BrylcreamBeret · 19/06/2022 20:42

@Tootsey11 ahh, in that case I'm sure your gravy was perfect to start with. I have heard of people adding Bisto to stock though.

I'll leave you in peace to deal with your arsehole partner, I hope that you feel able to tell him to stop making his snidey remarks because they're about as funny as ingrown toenails.

BrylcreamBeret · 19/06/2022 20:44

@5128gap Use a vegeterian/vegan fat.

UWhatNow · 19/06/2022 20:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

RaininSummer · 19/06/2022 20:47

I have never heard thick to mean sexy. Maybe thick waisted as fat but that's not good either.

FudgePop321 · 19/06/2022 20:47

He sounds like a prick. You're not being to sensitive. I wouldn't put up with this especially if it's frequent. He's putting you down and thinks it's funny..that's not love, respectful or normal. Poor you.

BrylcreamBeret · 19/06/2022 20:47

@worraliberty I am free to say whatever I want about gravy/stock/salt. I'm not abusing or harassing anyone so I don't see the issue.

Invisibelle · 19/06/2022 20:48

Tootsey11 · 19/06/2022 20:20

They seem to come out of the blue, a random insult when least expected.

Like, 'If I looked like you, I wouldn't go out the door'. Another of his 'jokes'.

Next time tell him to shut the fuck up, and mean it.

Original poster
Tootsey11 · 19/06/2022 20:52

The 'funny' thing in all of this is that he was put through a number of tests a while back and was classed as illiterate, he can't read or write.

OP posts:
Wrongkindofovercoat · 19/06/2022 20:53

Do you not think that swapping nasty digs with the intent of hurting your spouse is a pretty crap state of affairs? It's not going to make the OP feel any better, is it?

Honestly ? If I was the OP in this situation, then yes it would probably would make me feel better. The only issue would be if she then wanted to have sex with him again, she will have to big up his apendage so to speak, to assuage his sudden lack of confidence in that department. Although if he thinks he is as good in bed as he thinks he is funny, maybe a good book might be a better option ?

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 19/06/2022 20:54

I think making a comment about his tiny willy is a good idea, and when he's not thrilled say "That's how it feels when you joke that I'm thick." He shouldn't be saying this kind of thing to his DW and you shouldn't have to explain why it's hurtful, but it sounds as if you do have to.

ReneBumsWombats · 19/06/2022 20:54

Tootsey11 · 19/06/2022 20:52

The 'funny' thing in all of this is that he was put through a number of tests a while back and was classed as illiterate, he can't read or write.

Did the insults increase after that?

Octomore · 19/06/2022 20:56

Thahe really not the only issue! I would be more worried about the loveless, spiteful, dead in the water marriage than anything to big up his appendage.

Once you've got to the point of swapping insults with your spouse with the intent to hurt them, there's no real way back. Divorce is your best option.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 19/06/2022 20:56

I often say things like that to my husband and he finds it funny.

If he asked me to stop then I would.

butterflied · 19/06/2022 20:57

Why are you with someone whose idea of a joke is to put down how you look?

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