Page 5 | Is your spouse your best friend?

PashunFroot · 2022-06-19T12:29:38+00:00

Just interested in how people view their partner. I see a quite a split in posts on this. for example I see posts like; “my husband and I get along well, but we don’t have much in common and don’t really do anything together. However, he has a stable enough income and is a decent father so I married him.” and on the opposite I see things like: “we do everything together, have the same sense of humour, laugh until we puke, he’s my best friend.” Was just interested to see which was more common. yanbu- he’s my best friend yabu- he’s not my best friend (Invisibly change pronouns if you’re in same sex relationship, are a man etc)

dontknowhow2feel · 20/06/2022 01:36

He was but I'm no longer his. He has fallen for someone else. Bizarrely I feel closer to him than ever at the moment as there is finally some honesty between us, he has been very distant lately...

Ticksallboxes · 20/06/2022 01:39

Nostrings457 · 19/06/2022 13:53

Mine was my best friend, the only person I trusted explicitly & could completely be myself with. . . . Until he recently walked out, has since treated be appaulingly and been a completely useless (nearly non existent) father to our DC.

Sounds dramatic but it’s made me lose faith in humanity and I’ll never be able to trust again.

Gosh, I'm so sorry, you must be heartbroken

Ticksallboxes · 20/06/2022 01:50

Angrymum22 · 19/06/2022 14:28

Yes my DH is definitely my best friend. I realised early in our relationship that we were very much on each other’s level when we spent hours digging out vintage glass bottles from the stream next to his DM’s house after major flooding. We have a shared love of anything historical.
We are both very comfortable with our own company so understand each other’s need for time out.
We argue like cat and dog but enjoy the making up even after 30 yrs.
I nearly lost him recently but the miracle of modern medicine brought him back.
He is my biggest cheer leader and my harshest critic. The glass half empty to my glass half full.
We’ve had a good life together and hopefully have a few more years to go.

I stayed up late reading this lovely thread and this post did it for me!

Colouringaddict · 20/06/2022 02:00

Been together 30 years this year. He is my very best friend and I am his. There are no secrets between us, we laugh like children every single day.

We came from very similar backgrounds, I think that is a major plus, it means our moral code is the same.

He has loved me at my worst, I have some autoimmune diseases that can make life tough for me and as a side effect him also, but he never grumbles. We have supported each other through the loss of 3 out of 4 parents, in fact we both cried together on Father’s Day, he mourns my parents losses, like I mourned his.

I tell him everything, our dc know not to say “don’t tell mum” or don’t tell dad” because they know we will always tell each other.

Our children have left home now, and this is the very best period of our marriage, seeing him being Grandad melts me like never before.

I really don’t want to be in this world without him. He is my most favourite person in the world.

Ticksallboxes · 20/06/2022 02:01

Adamantspants · 19/06/2022 15:05

NO, He is my husband, we laugh, get on great, have a really good relationship, I love spending time with him...but best friend? No. We don't have a friendship, he have a husband and wife partnership and relationship. It is not friendship.

I have friends for that.

Whoa!

Bonabee · 20/06/2022 02:04

Absolutely my best friend, cannot imagine life without him.
Neither of us are perfect but we laugh every day 😂

Shoxfordian · 20/06/2022 06:04

My husband isn’t my friend; it’s a totally different type of relationship

We have lots of things we like to do together and we get on extremely well but he isn’t my friend

QuizzlyBears · 20/06/2022 06:09

Absolutely my best friend, genuinely my favourite person in the world. We have plenty of other friends together and independently but we are each other’s most important people in every way. I love it!

MrsTimRiggins · 20/06/2022 06:10

Friend seems to somewhat fall short of how I feel about my husband, ‘best’ or otherwise, but in any given situation, if I had to choose who I wanted with me, it would always be him… so I suppose that answers that question. He’s funny and warm and kind and he makes me endlessly happy.
By no stretch of the imagination could it be said that we do everything together tho. He works long, long hours particularly over the summer months, and we each have our own hobbies and our own friends to socialise with separately.
I think, overall, it works rather well.

WeLoveYouMissHanigan · 20/06/2022 06:42

He’s my absolute best friend and everything you could want in a husband. I fell very lucky.

NotReallySure · 20/06/2022 06:44

I voted YABU as I'm getting separated, and one of my reasons is that we don't really ever laugh together, he doesn't make me feel good about myself, and I'm not really sure I'd choose him as a friend anymore. So reading this is helping strengthen my resolve as I was wavering and tempted to stay for ease, and for the kids (again). So thanks 🙂

SleepingStandingUp · 20/06/2022 09:23

Surely the primary issue is just how yo u define friendship. No one in a healthy relationship saying "no" is saying they don't laugh or share interests or enjoy time together, just that they don't define friendship to include sex, romantic love, the level of commitment that marriage brings etc.

Would I always choose DHs company? Depends what for 😂 but that's because we have as many differences as similarities. Spa day? No. Happy by myself tbh but would choose my best friend. Day out drinking and sight seeing? Gosh I wish but three kids and no childcare so for now I do it with another friend. Endless nights in each others company? Yes. Sex? Yes, only unfaithful if Chris Hemsworth propositions me. Share my Viking funeral float with? Yes. Raise kids with? Yes.

10HailMarys · 20/06/2022 09:48

My DP is absolutely my best friend. We completely 'get' each other in a way I'd never really thought was possible and we constantly make each other laugh. I would choose his company over anyone else's; there's nobody I'd rather spend time with. We work together as well as live together.

We're not joined at the hip - we do plenty of things separately and we both like time to ourselves sometimes, but that in itself is part of the reason we're compatible.

LindaEllen · 20/06/2022 10:17

Yes, mine is. We both have our own friends (separate friends and shared friends) but we're still firmly each other's best friends.

Loyaultemelie · 20/06/2022 10:35

My Dh is definitely my best friend, we talk about anything and everything, we run a business together and he gets my quirks I get his. I think because he literally was my best mate before we got together helped.

Cas112 · 20/06/2022 12:11

Yes 100%

He is my favourite person in the world

BalloonsAndWhistles · 20/06/2022 12:23

He’s my absolute best friend in the world and I love him to bits. I’ve never forgotten when I said that to an ex-colleague and she looked at me with pity and said ‘DP isn’t my best friend, I have other friends’. They split up three months later after nearly a decade together.

xogossipgirlxo · 20/06/2022 12:27

My husband means everything to me.

Anniefrenchfry · 20/06/2022 12:28

BalloonsAndWhistles · 20/06/2022 12:23

He’s my absolute best friend in the world and I love him to bits. I’ve never forgotten when I said that to an ex-colleague and she looked at me with pity and said ‘DP isn’t my best friend, I have other friends’. They split up three months later after nearly a decade together.

Well my husbands not my best friend and I’ve been with him thirty years. And I’ve seen enough threads on here from women who have been dumped who said they were their best friend and they are now lost.

A support network is important. Your husband and kids should be the people you love the most and are closest too, they are your family, but when it gets to he’s also my best friend you are overly reliant in my book and agree with the colleague, it’s better to also have other friends. When all you habe is one person then you face risk if anything ever happens to them, or if they bin you off.

housemaus · 20/06/2022 12:29

Yes, he is. He's the person I want to call first with news, the person who supports me when I need it, the person I want to do anything fun with, who knows me best, who knows how to cheer me up when I need and always wants to celebrate with me when something good happens... those are all the things I'd say a best friend does.

It's not like you can't have other people who you're very close to - my closest non-DH friend is like a sister to me, he's not my only close friend - but DH is closest, knows me best, and is most consistently there for me. He's my favourite person in the world and I would pick spending time with him over anyone else - to me, a romantic relationship has to include that level of trust and enjoyment of each other's company that you'd get with a 'best friend'.

spagbog5 · 20/06/2022 12:33

Yes
He's wonderful and loves me completely as do I him .

AgapanthusLove · 20/06/2022 12:35

I am in my 50s & have been with dh almost half my life now.
He is 100% my best friend whilst also being such more
I have lots of close friendships including one v v good friend that I have known since we were 10 years old.
But here's the thing - I love spending time with friends & I cherish them but I would never tell a friend something important that I hadn't shared with dh. And I never talk about him to anyone other than social pleasantries. I'd never ever discuss an argument etc
I would feel I was betraying him.

xogossipgirlxo · 20/06/2022 12:37

Colouringaddict · 20/06/2022 02:00

Been together 30 years this year. He is my very best friend and I am his. There are no secrets between us, we laugh like children every single day.

We came from very similar backgrounds, I think that is a major plus, it means our moral code is the same.

He has loved me at my worst, I have some autoimmune diseases that can make life tough for me and as a side effect him also, but he never grumbles. We have supported each other through the loss of 3 out of 4 parents, in fact we both cried together on Father’s Day, he mourns my parents losses, like I mourned his.

I tell him everything, our dc know not to say “don’t tell mum” or don’t tell dad” because they know we will always tell each other.

Our children have left home now, and this is the very best period of our marriage, seeing him being Grandad melts me like never before.

I really don’t want to be in this world without him. He is my most favourite person in the world.

@Colouringaddict this is a lovely post ❤Last sentence really gets me. I always tell my husband that I die first. I just can't imagine being in this world without him even for a day. Sending best wishes to you both xx

EnterFunnyNameHere · 20/06/2022 12:50

I think DH is my best friend, and a whole lot more. We have separate friends, and separate hobbies, but my favourite person to be with is DH. There's also nothing my other friends (even my oldest "best" friends) know about that DH doesn't, so in that sense too really.

dudsville · 21/06/2022 12:04

I think this is an interesting idea. I can see how both sides respond to it, but mine is my best friend. I remember when I was a child there was a series of adverts aimed at guiding young poeple making important decisions, and one of those advised young people to marry their best friend, I think it was sponsored by a religious organisation. I've never been religious, but I come from a deeply religious family and this notion of marrying one's best friend is strongly supported in that organisation, and personally it was always my ideal. I haven't had a best friend/girlfriend since I became an adult - I moved around a lot and was very independent. I have very close, old friends, male and female, but the capacity for my OH to be my best friend was a measure I used to assess the relationship. I'm grateful. I can tell him anything, nothing is hidden. Home to me is a place where I can be 100% myself, I couldn't fully be at ease if my OH wasn't my best friend.