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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is your spouse your best friend?

125 replies

PashunFroot · 19/06/2022 13:29

Just interested in how people view their partner. I see a quite a split in posts on this.
for example I see posts like; “my husband and I get along well, but we don’t have much in common and don’t really do anything together. However, he has a stable enough income and is a decent father so I married him.”

and on the opposite I see things like: “we do everything together, have the same sense of humour, laugh until we puke, he’s my best friend.”

Was just interested to see which was more common.

yanbu- he’s my best friend
yabu- he’s not my best friend

(Invisibly change pronouns if you’re in same sex relationship, are a man etc)

OP posts:
WotTheDickens · 19/06/2022 15:02

I don't put him in the same category as friends, even my best friend. Our lives are interconnected in a way that is unique. We don't (and don't want to) spend every minute together but the connection is deeper than with anyone else.

SummerLobelia · 19/06/2022 15:02

Best friend.

Despite the rip roaring argument we had this monring about the best way to dispose of kitty litter. (There was shouting and everything).

[anyway- seriously- kitty litter needs to go in the bin and not the flower bed, right? Right].

Antarcticant · 19/06/2022 15:04

He's my only friend.

Anniefrenchfry · 19/06/2022 15:04

No absolutely not. He is my husband and with my child the people I love the most and am closest too. My best friend is different, it’s a different relationship, I don’t class my husband as my best friend any more than I class my child as my best friend.

Adamantspants · 19/06/2022 15:05

NO, He is my husband, we laugh, get on great, have a really good relationship, I love spending time with him...but best friend? No. We don't have a friendship, he have a husband and wife partnership and relationship. It is not friendship.

I have friends for that.

KangarooKenny · 19/06/2022 15:06

He is because he’s my only friend 🤣

WotTheDickens · 19/06/2022 15:07

Just wondering what people would consider as someone showing they love you without actually saying it! Basically I’ve been dating a lovely guy for a while but he’s never said the L word to me yet it’s been almost a year he is very reserved with feelings.

Does he do everything within his power to help you become the person you want to be?
If so, then he loves you.

Ponderingwindow · 19/06/2022 15:10

He was my best friend long before he was even my boyfriend.

Original poster
PashunFroot · 19/06/2022 15:28

Thanks all for your thoughts!

OP posts:
OompaLoompaa · 19/06/2022 15:41

He’s my best friend but I also have two best girlfriends who I love to see. We are retired and do a lot of fun stuff together and have a good laugh.

TokyoTen · 19/06/2022 15:43

Yes he's my best friend. We do lots together - our hobbies kind of compliment (e.g. I love walking and visiting National Trust properties) he loves photography so always comes along. He is always up for any holiday or outing or DIY project I suggest as well. No can also make me laugh like no one else.

bert3400 · 19/06/2022 15:45

Yes definitely, he never ever gets on my nerves. We do have separate friends but he's the person I love being with. We are lucky enough to work together too. After 24 years he still makes my heart sing

Alliswells · 19/06/2022 15:46

100 % my best friend through many ups and downs

HerTableLaid · 19/06/2022 15:47

Hbh17 · 19/06/2022 14:44

No. He is my husband of 30+ years, but it is a completely different relationship to the one I have with my best friend. I also think it's odd when people refer to their mother as their best friend - after all, it's totally reasonable to have more than one important person in your life.

Yes, I’d agree with this. Most people don’t share finances and property, live with and/or have children with their friends, however close, so it doesn’t really map on for me. Likewise mothers being someone’s ‘best friend’ — I’m assuming it’s slightly sloppy shorthand for ‘I love my mother, take pleasure in seeing her often and confide in her a lot’. Because, again, most peoples friends didn’t give birth to them.

Badlifeday · 19/06/2022 15:53

Well, if I was dying he's the person I would want to be with me. Does that count? I have very close relationships with women as well, who are unlikely now to ever stop being my friends, though he could if he had an affair etc - but I would call him my best friend. It's complicated!

deflatedbirthday · 19/06/2022 15:54

My DH is absolutely my best friend. When we argue it's because we're so similar and neither will back down. But we make up quickly. We do spend a lot of time together and I'd pretty much everything socially together. We used to work with each other which I think is harder than living with someone sometimes. It was a good foundation for us. I miss him immensely when we're not together. We have a lot of in jokes and know each other inside out. I would choose him over anyone is every situation.

Mally100 · 19/06/2022 15:55

Definitely my best friend and joint favourite with my dc. I'm so so lucky to have him as my husband. We can talk for hours about anything and everything. I have a few very good friends, but I couldn't fully be myself or trust them to the level as my dh.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/06/2022 15:56

Yes definitely, i love his company, we have a lot of fun together. If something happens in my life he's the first person I want to tell

Smartiepants79 · 19/06/2022 15:57

I love my DH, we have plenty in common. Enjoy spending time together and I trust him implicitly. He knows me better than anyone else I think. He’s not my best friend, he’s my husband.
I still have other friends and do many things on my own or with other people. I agree with a previous poster that it’s unhealthy and unwise to be completely emotionally dependent on only one other person. ‘I couldn’t live without him’ ?? What happens in (the very possible event) that you have to??

Dogroses · 19/06/2022 16:10

I think he was for a while but so much has changed in our lives... We don't have anything in common. There's no chance we'd be friends in a parallel universe where we aren't together with children. We are family though.

daisyjgrey · 19/06/2022 16:27

He was my best friend for a few years before we got together and he still is. I don't understand marriages/long term relationships that aren't based on a friendship; what holds it all together when you go through rough patches physically and romantically?

Original poster
PashunFroot · 19/06/2022 16:28

Yes I’m struggling to understand the posters who say their husband isn’t their friend to be honest. I’m not sure how that works?

OP posts:
Anniefrenchfry · 19/06/2022 18:23

PashunFroot · 19/06/2022 16:28

Yes I’m struggling to understand the posters who say their husband isn’t their friend to be honest. I’m not sure how that works?

Becayse the definition of a friend is a mutually affectionate relationship devoid of sexual or family relationships

for me. My husband is my family and we have sex. This is not the Case for my best friend, she is not my family and I don’t shag her.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/06/2022 18:33

PashunFroot · 19/06/2022 16:28

Yes I’m struggling to understand the posters who say their husband isn’t their friend to be honest. I’m not sure how that works?

Because the relationship to my husband is totally different to my friendships. We weren't friends before because we met online and started dating immediately upon meeting. My friends are mostly people I've known longer than him. I love them and like spending time with them but they're not people I want a sexual relationship with, to have kids with, to live with. It's just a different thing. My apple isn't a dryer, greener orange. It's an apple. I like apples and oranges. They both give me something I need but something different

SleepingStandingUp · 19/06/2022 18:34

daisyjgrey · 19/06/2022 16:27

He was my best friend for a few years before we got together and he still is. I don't understand marriages/long term relationships that aren't based on a friendship; what holds it all together when you go through rough patches physically and romantically?

Love. Commitment. Respect. Family. Affection. Sex.