She'll find out, won't she?

[Milly2016]

Hi I am divorced with grown up children, I've recently started seeing a new guy (also divorced with grown up children).
Things are going well but we don't want to go public just yet. There's nothing sinister about our decision but we want things to be private for now.
That being said, we do go out but try to go a little further afield than just locally.
We were at a pub about 20 miles away when his ex-wife's mother and her partner walked in.
I am not sure if the mother knows my name but am sure her partner does as I've dealings with him through business in the past.
Am I being hopelessly optimistic in thinking that she won't say anything to her daughter? (her daughter being my new 'boy' friend's ex-wife of course).
As far as I am aware they get on well.

Does it really matter if the ex finds out?

If they are divorced surely they split some time ago? If the children are adults there are no childcare issues? So what's the problem? If it's a case of just being private about your personal lives... keep it private. Neither of you owe anyone anything.

Oh god yes, mum will DEFINITELY tell her daughter, if it was my mum she'd have immediately gone to the toilet to call me upon seeing you.

Did they walk in on you kissing and all over eachother? You haven’t necessarily been found out anyway. But you are both divorced, so who cares if his ex finds out?

His ex used to date a friend of mine when we were all much younger.
Obviously before her meeting my new boyfriend and she was very jealous back then and caused a bit of trouble for then friend.
That's why I would prefer her not to know just yet.
My new guy has alluded to her having jealousy issues as well. Usually a guy saying such things about his ex is a red flag but I know from prior experience he's is telling the truth.

I would think that something like this is best out in the open. All of the awkwardness that you seem to be feeling would be dealt with in one go and then you need to move on. Divorced people are basically just newly single people who are entitled to date, have relationships. Friends with benefits etc. Don't create a stigma where you don't need one OP.

Obviously before her meeting my new boyfriend and she was very jealous back then and caused a bit of trouble for then friend.

But this was before she met her now ex husband, had kids with him who are now adults and divorced? Hopefully she’s grown up since then. There isn’t much you can do about it now so try not to stress about it, you aren’t doing anything wrong so who cares what she thinks. And maybe tell your adult kids just incase.

I appreciate the advice but it's kind of a given that mum will tell daughter isn't it?

No idea, depends if she actually saw that you are a couple, and wether she wants to cause trouble or not.

Maybe she will but really does it matter? If you both had young dependent children it may be a bit different, but you don't. And you are allowed a life after divorce you know!!
I might think twice about dating someone who seems to be so hung up on his ex wife!!

Yes, I think so

If he saw but she didn't, and he didn't tell his partner I wouldn't assume your BF's ex would find out.

However, I agree with PP not to give it too much headspace. Her jealousy issues are her jealousy issues.

I wouldn’t worry about it. They’re divorced and have grown up children.
If his ex and his mum both have common sense, I doubt it will be shocking to either of them that at this point in his life he’s met someone and is getting on with his life. And if her mum isn’t a shit stirrer, she won’t be in any rush to tell her anyway and it might just pop in casual conversation one day soon.

It sounds like you know your partner's ex wife quite well. Is there another reason why you don't want her to know you're going out with her ex husband?

Ex and HER mum

Yes, 99% she will.

New man can sort out any issues with Ex.

Yes, mom will tell her, but why do you care?

Absolutely she will tell her that she saw you two together. Why is it bothering you so much ?

Of course she is going to tell. Hottest gossip in months probably

He's divorced. Why would his ex be interested any more?

Is really divorced Op? I can't think why it would matter unless you were having an affair?

If she’s going to have some mad jealous rant when she finds out, she’ll do it regardless of when she finds out. Hopefully she’s moved on from that sort of behaviour.

Quite possibly yes but does it really matter if he's divorced and the kids are adults? Are you worried she will.do something major?

Are you sure he's divorced OP?

Yes