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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She'll find out, won't she?

85 replies

Milly2016 · 18/06/2022 18:30

Hi I am divorced with grown up children, I've recently started seeing a new guy (also divorced with grown up children).
Things are going well but we don't want to go public just yet. There's nothing sinister about our decision but we want things to be private for now.
That being said, we do go out but try to go a little further afield than just locally.
We were at a pub about 20 miles away when his ex-wife's mother and her partner walked in.
I am not sure if the mother knows my name but am sure her partner does as I've dealings with him through business in the past.
Am I being hopelessly optimistic in thinking that she won't say anything to her daughter? (her daughter being my new 'boy' friend's ex-wife of course).
As far as I am aware they get on well.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 19/06/2022 09:55

Milly2016 · 19/06/2022 07:29

Well she had a baby with my friend when we were all much younger.
They broke up. He started dating someone else, she saw them. Up to that point she had absolitely no issue about him seeing the child, all of a sudden, she started being very awkward about him seeing the child.
Using the child as a weapon really.
I also witnessed her getting aggressive if he talked to any woman.

Show quote history

Well, she can’t stop his adult children from seeing him. And how likely is she to get aggressive years after they’ve divorced?

Pumperthepumper · 19/06/2022 09:57

Is there part of you that thinks this drama makes the relationship more exciting? Sneaking around and being ‘caught’, like a fake affair?

Dancingwithhyenas · 19/06/2022 10:05

Likely Yes.

are you sure he’s divorced? I don’t understand the secrecy.

Original poster
Milly2016 · 19/06/2022 11:12

My friend would frequently appear with bruises on his face back then.
I don't get why my word about her being a jealous nutter is being questioned really.
She just is. There's no reason for me to lie about this at all.

If she were not the jealous sort we'd be just going about locally not 20 miles away.
Anyway, there's nothing more to be said, really. She's going to tell her and that's that.
Best out in the open. She'd find out eventually anyway. Let her do her worst.

OP posts:
LosingTheWill2022 · 19/06/2022 11:17

So what if she is "jealous nutter" his children are grown up.
What exactly are you concerned she will do?

over50andfab · 19/06/2022 11:19

Milly2016 · 18/06/2022 21:26

The thing is that she is a jealous person. According to my boyfriend, she wouldn't speak to him for days if she saw him just chatting to another woman.
Now I get that bad-mouthing an ex is a red flag, but I know in this instance he's telling the truth.
I'm concerned she'll try something that's all.

I agree that her mother is bound to tell her. Oh well she's gonna find out eventually I suppose so maybe it's a good thing.
Obviously we live in a small town.
I just feel sick at thought of what she'll try.
Nothing I can do about it though. Anyway thanks for the replies.

What do you think she will try or what could she try? Is it possible you’re overthinking this?

Original poster
Milly2016 · 19/06/2022 11:32

over50andfab · 19/06/2022 11:19

What do you think she will try or what could she try? Is it possible you’re overthinking this?

Show quote history

No I don't think I am.
I saw my mate with bruises on his face, I knew about how she was totally fine with him seeing their child until he started dating a new woman.
As was his right to do so btw!
So I guess she'll plan something unpleasant.
Spread rumours maybe.
I am leaving this thread now.
I agree that her mother is bound to say something so we may be might as well now be open and it's better that way.
At least if she does something now it'll be got out of the way.

OP posts:
MRex · 19/06/2022 14:35

Milly2016 · 19/06/2022 11:12

My friend would frequently appear with bruises on his face back then.
I don't get why my word about her being a jealous nutter is being questioned really.
She just is. There's no reason for me to lie about this at all.

If she were not the jealous sort we'd be just going about locally not 20 miles away.
Anyway, there's nothing more to be said, really. She's going to tell her and that's that.
Best out in the open. She'd find out eventually anyway. Let her do her worst.

Bruises are a result of assault, not "jealousy". If she assaults someone you call the police.

girlmom21 · 19/06/2022 15:52

If she were not the jealous sort we'd be just going about locally not 20 miles away.

But why does her jealousy matter if they're divorced? Why would she even still be jealous?

Mangogogogo · 19/06/2022 16:46

100% the OW been caught out.

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