To not know whether to believe him..

[oldcatlady88]

I have been seeing someone since I split up with my childrens father 9 months ago. I’ve known him a couple of years and we’d occasionally message but we were both in relationships.
He’s kind and been nothing but nice to me.
I left my ex as he was getting naked photos and video of other women, and he used to be quite verbally abusive to me. I guess I turned to this guy for emotional support that I was getting from my ex after 10 years.
Anyway, there’s a girl on my new man’s sports team who fancies him. He said she asked him out, he said he was flattered but no thank you.
I stayed at his the other week and say she was messaging him. He also always get called by his initials.. and I’ve noticed his initials with a ❤️ next to it is on her Facebook bio. He says that’s coincidence, it’s not him and he’s sorry he hasn’t done enough to make me feel I can trust him.
What would you do? Leave it, message her?, trust him? It’s eating away at me but I don’t know if I’m being paranoid.

who told you she fancied your dh?

How did it come up?

I noticed she was liking a lot of his posts a while ago so I just said who is she as she likes everything you post. And he just straight out told me that it was a girl from his sports club and he had asked him out when we first got together, but he'd said to her thank you but he wasn't interested?

She had asked him out that's meant to say!

what are the initials? could it be love life <3 or some well known saying?

She'd have to be brave to put up his initials with a love heart if they're not together and never have been and he's said ''no thank you'' to her.

Something doesn't add up

Don't message her! If she is thinking, he's just dating her, it may well fall apart and I'll bide my time (and who knows, really) then she will obviously make you look bad. If your new bf hasn't acted distantly, or disregarded you on sm, or lied to you, let you down, acted suspiciously then I would ignore her.

No his initials don't make anything I can think of off the top of my head at least.
I have children and he works 60+ hour weeks so we don't see each other that much (1-2 times a week) so it's really playing on my mind.
It does seem odd she would have his initials as you say if what he's saying is true.
I don't want to seem like a bunny boiler but I really just want to know if he's telling the truth!
His family know about me (I knew his mum and brother already) but he has kept me separate from his friends, although he has met my friends.

hmm, yeh, I'd say this insecurity is nothing to do with her, it's to do with his not having introduced you to his friends when you have done that for him.
Has he ever acknowledged you on facebook? I don't mean the ''in a relationship with'' as that's naff, but if you post on something on his page, does he respond to it?

Does this woman know about you even?

I think she is trying but he's saying he's not interested. It happens to us all. You might get a fishing message from a random. Doesn't mean you're into them. Dont worry and dont control him socially. You have no right to. Let him handle it.

No. I posted a photo of us together and he didn't accept the tag so it didn't come up on his page. He split up with his ex pretty shortly before we got together and he said it was because he didn't want to upset her by her finding out via Facebook. Apart from liking my stuff there is no chance of me on his SM.

Trace of me not chance!

He says he told her he was seeing someone but that's just his word for it.

This is a convo about it

Do you know what they were messaging about? If it's a woman who has expressed an interest and he's turned down then it's a bit odd they would be regularly messaging.

It would be bloody bold of her to have his initials there having been turned down. Can you see her FB friends to see if anyone else has those initials or might have a child with those initials, could be a little niece or nephew?

You could suggest meeting his friends. His response there might be telling if he is openly having a thing elsewhere.

I dont feel convinced he isn't seeing her

No I'm not either really. She's got her son's name on there so it's not that, and I can't see her friends. I mean do I call his bluff and tell him I messaged her to see his response? X

He said it was a Snapchat (don't use it so not sure) and one said what are you doing and the other said she was out tonight.

Have you ever met her? I'd try to find an occasion to do so. You'll be much better able to judge what's going on if you see them in person. And if it is that she fancies him and he's not reciprocated, she may back off a bit if she gets to know you as his gf

No I've never met her, only seen photos. I wouldn't say she's his type but who knows.

Honestly I would just walk away. He knows she likes him, he’s seeing you and messaging her. That would be enough for me. If he isn’t seeing her then he doesn’t really respect your feelings. Neither bode well for the future.

You only see him twice a week, he won’t let you be visible on his SM, another woman has his initials ❤️ on her bio?

You’re the OW. Walk away.

Why not try to be single for a while and work on your insecurity and in how to be happy alone? You’re barely out of a long relationship and have jumped straight into a new one. People in good relationships don’t have endless text conversations about other people their partner is receiving “likes” from on Facebook or whatever.

Don't lie about messaging her. It sounds a bit bunny boiler.

I’d message her and ask, but in a polite way. Say your his girlfriend and you just wanted to politely let her know.

I think he knows exactly what he's at. He's seeing you yet loving the attention that's she's showing him. If he likes you, knowing that it's upsetting you should be enough for him to stop. He's trying to come across all innocent and twisting things to make you feel bad like "I though you'd trust me by now" or whatever he said. I just wouldn't want the drama at my age