To stop paying for dds driving lessons

[Hellandhighwaters]

My dd (18) was initially bought 20 hours of driving lessons for her 17th birthday last Spring. She had some personal problems over the summer and despite having weekly two hour lessons failed to make progress and changed instructors in October last year. We continued to pay for all of her lessons beyond the original 20 bought for her birthday. She made more progress with her new instructor and booked a driving test in June (today) four months ago as it was the earliest available date.

She is in full time education, but has a part job in retail at the weekend and some savings from her 18th birthday. She failed her first test today and is understandably very upset especially after the length of time she has been learning (and having private practice with me in my car). She made a serious error almost as soon as she left the test centre which put her off and made her go on to make further silly mistakes.

We have invested a lot of money for her to learn to drive and I have been happy to subsidise her lessons up to now as it is an important life skill. I’m not upset that she has failed and just want her to be the safest driver she can be, but after a year of paying for lessons, think that enough is enough. We are paying £180.00 per month which we can afford, but I would like to now put this aside to save for a much needed holiday.

She is currently looking to get a cancellation for another test and is very grateful for the lessons we have paid for. I don’t think she will be able to afford to continue weekly lessons if she is paying out of her own money, but aibu to say the bank of mum and dad is now closed?

You're making this decision on the day she failed her test? Can't you just concentrate on consoling her and boosting her confidence for a day or two?

YABU it’s not her fault she’s failed and you’re punishing her by failing which is going to cause more anxiety next time and probably make her fail again.

If you couldn’t afford it then it different.

It sounds like you said you’ll pay for her lessons until she’s passes when instead you should have said I’ll pay for your driving lessons for 6 months or something.

If I can afford it I’ll 100% pay for my DDs even if it meant not having a holiday for myself.
I had to pay for my own and couldn’t afford it so as a result took my lessons a few years later and missed out on job opportunities because of it. It also meant the ones I had when I was younger were wasted.

It’s literally a confidence thing so continue to let her drive your car as often as possible.

We funded our daughters lessons but she failed her test a number of times and then left to go to university so gave up. She is now 24 and has started lessons again. I think she just wasn’t ready and in a way I feel we wasted an awful lot of money and should have stopped sooner. She is paying herself now.

I see that you aren’t saving money or having a holiday to pay for her lessons. I also see you have had a chat with her about paying every other week and have a decent solution. It’s lovely to be able help dc with driving lessons but I think quite a few posters read your first post only and not the follow up that though you could pay it meant you yourself were forgoing a holiday.

I paid for my own driving lessons, my Mother only had a South African driving licence which wasn’t valid here and my Father didn’t drive so no practice for me.

We paid for 15 lessons for DS and he passed first time thankfully. I refused to actually take him out as did my friend with her children because we are not Driving instructors, plus the difference to insure a learner driver on the car added up to so much it pretty much paid for the lessons. Her child also passed first time.

I haven`t rtft iso apologise if others have suggested this but I would go for an intensive 2 day course with test added to the end get it over and done with

sorry should have added offer to pay half perhaps

My parents paidd till I passed. It's a life skill, and she will get there if you persevere. Stopping now would be very hurtful.

You can continue to take her out for practice in your car . Could she just not keep booking driving tests and use your car for the test ?

If her instructor considered her ready for her test, she probably doesn't need more lessons, just more driving time. Keep taking her out in your car and rebook her test. My ds failed his first test a couple of weeks ago and the earliest date available for him is 20th August. We will keep taking him out until the week of his test and then he will have a couple of lessons just to freshen him to test standard.

We do driving differently here; a few moths of lessons, then the test. You don't continue your lessons once you've completed the course. Don't the lessons become repetitive at some point? It seems like what she needs is practice, which you should be able to do for free.

She sounds very mature I’d probably have had a massive strop

What extra curricular activities have you paid for in the past.

We've paid for weekly swimming well past the point of need I.e they could swim very confidently but we're doing it as a club and for fitness.

Triathlon sessions
Cycle session
Music
Dance
Drama.

We've paid for all of these in the past and are currently paying for a maths tutor, music lessons and band, scouts etc

I don't see learning to drive as any different.
Either you value it as an important life skill or you don't.

One you can drive you can drive. A bit like swimming or riding a bike.

It took me 2 years and 10 tests to pass. Not because I'm a bad driver but because as soon as I saw the examiner, a 40 minute panic attack ensued. My nerves on test were awful. My 8th test I stalled the car a record 4 times. I hadn't stalled in MONTHS prior to this test.

My instructor despaired as he said I

should have been on the road a year ago, there was no help he could offer but keep trying to boost my confidence. There was nothing wrong with my driving. It was all nerves.

I paid for my own lessons in my late 20s as my parents couldn't afford to help me but if they could have then they would have.

I think its really quite nasty and unsupportive of you to basically make her give up after failing ONE test when you can easily afford to help her pass. Not many people do pass first time.

If she's not being entitled and expecting you too support it indefinitely, I don't see why you would stop when she fails once. It's not her fault, and I'm sure she wants to pass as much if not more than you want the lessons to end! Doesn't give a great message about success Vs effort either

www.passmefast.co.uk/resources/practical-test/average-attempts-driving-test

40% pass rate. Bit harsh.

This helped my DD if anyone has nerves open.spotify.com/episode/1IcHcG6kheVzjImuZ4aYyZ?si=pd4JvxfPQOetwoTr4Ny-YA&utm_source=copy-link

A year of lessons and private practice is plenty. She knows how to drive, she just needs to pass the test. I'd say stop with the weekly lessons but continue with the private practice. Then on the day of the test pay for one more prep/refresh lesson.

Yeah well maybe she is disappointed and upset with you.
But will not say anything because clearly you think you are right. I cannot imagine how upset your dd was to fail her test then her mum fails to have any compassion just says no more lessons for you I want a holiday.

'we will continue to pay for lessons every other week'

Just book one a month at this stage, she obviously knows how to drive just needs practise which you are doing and occasional top ups from the instructor.

Tbh you'll be paying a load in insurance when she does pass. Lessons and learner insurance v insurance when passed is about the same. So no, in answer to your op you don't give up just rein in the lessons a bit.