To leave children for 3 and a half months?

[elbigbx]

Hi

Would like opinions on my current situation as I've had mixed feedback from personal relationships.

I start my second year of university (Law degree) in September and we have been told we have the option for a work placement abroad for half of the academic year, which is just over 3 months.

I'm a single mum to 2 daughter's who will be 7 and 4 at the time. I share custody with their dad and he is very open about the opportunity and has said he would have the girls if it came to it.

AIBU to take up this opportunity? I can pick anywhere in the world to secure a placement (depending on if I get accepted of course). I don't think this opportunity will present itself again but I also can't shake off the fact that I would be leaving my 2 girls behind who are my everything.

Please let me know what you would do in my situation. Luckily I've got a few months to really think about it.

Thanks

My sense of time is very skewed since covid, but it was definitely quite a long time ago. And I'm pretty sure that it wasn't law she was studying.

Why is it an amazing opportunity for the children?

I don't think you should be swayed by the opinion of MN. A lot of people here think going to a wedding half an hour down the road is too much effort, it's not a great barometer.

Your children will be safe and looked after. They'll see their mum going on an adventure and, even, doing something for herself. You'll come back. Maybe it will be hard work for Dad, but they'll muddle along.

As a previous poster said, it's 12 weeks of their childhood. It's nothing.

This is a considerable detail @FilterWash but I’ll try once more to explain what I actually wrote shall I?

I said that it was offensive to children/people who had experienced real trauma, to pretend that this situation is in any way comparable.

And it is.

I certainly found it offensive.

Do you disagree? Are you really going to tell me that you believe a child experiencing death of a parent is even in the same ballpark as op’s dc not seeing her (in person at least, the internet is a wonderful thing) for a few weeks?

I don't think you should be swayed by the opinion of MN. A lot of people here think going to a wedding half an hour down the road is too much effort, it's not a great barometer.

I agree. A lot of people think answering the door is also too much effort!

that I would be leaving my 2 girls behind who are my everything. clearly they are not. There is nothing crucial at all re an abroad placement for a law degree.

I’m not sure if you know how ridiculous you sound, or how offensive to children who have experienced actual trauma (death, abuse).

You said that, and then she told you that her mum died when she was a child. In your position I would just apologise and retract it.

Are you really going to tell me that you believe a child experiencing death of a parent is even in the same ballpark as op’s dc not seeing her (in person at least, the internet is a wonderful thing) for a few weeks?

It's not the same but that doesn't mean the children will emerge from that separation completely unscathed. 4 is incredibly young to be away from your mum for a significant period of time and when you're 4, three months is a long time.

A lot of people think having any friends other than their husbands is too great an effort. Or think the moms at the school gate are plotting against them.

@FilterWash thank you for your comments sticking up for me..I'm not offended or upset really. Just a bit perplexed by the whole debate!!

I totally agree with this. And if it was the other way around, and your dd’s father had this choice everyone would be rallying there support and telling him to go for it so why not for the mother?

Go OP! It will be an amazing experience for you.

All this weird closed minded misogyny - did I wander on to a different site by accident!

Looks like jealousy and maybe some people trying to justify to themselves as to why they decided to use dc as an excuse to never do anything or have any other identity apart from ‘mummy’ again.

God help those dc when they finally get away from the apron strings, the meltdowns are going to be explosive 😂

God help those dc when they finally get away from the apron strings, the meltdowns are going to be explosive

Yes all those poor children whose mums don't fuck off for months at a time...yes how incredibly unfortunate they are?

What about somewhere like France or Germany where you could potentially come back every weekend? That's what I would do in your position I think with a trustworthy father in place.

I wouldn't.

I'm sure lots of others wouldn't either.

Disagreeing with a woman =/= misogyny.

YW. I also find it perplexing and slightly sceptical that it is posted in good faith

I’d do it. I’d miss them terribly but the additional experience would make me a much more confident and interesting person.

It is a tiny amount of time from their life, they're with Dad.
Go for it.

Uh, I certainly wouldn't support any parent who basically wanted to disappear on a jolly for three months.

I'm not sock puppeting. Ha. Although that's the first time I've been accused of it.

Also not interested in "winning" imaginary arguments.

My rational arguments, as expressed earlier, are that it is shit to deprive a 7 and 4 year old of a parent for no reason.

Yes all those poor children whose mums don't fuck off for months at a time

@Comedycook

-RTFT for goodness sake!
-She will be with them EOW!! -EOW for 3 months instead of 50: 50 shared custody for that temporary period
-24 less days than usual
-They will be with their DAD those extra 24 days!

• they will be at school (most of) those days so would only have had few awake hours a day with Mum (who we already know is studying)

It's hardly a trauma inducing incident!

Seriously?

Yes go!!

Your DCs will love spending quality time with their dad and he’ll love being able to have them full time for a while.
It is a few weeks out of their entire lives.

There are countless men who work away during the week or longer if they’re in the services- they’re never made to feel guilty but if a female wants to do the same she’s a bad parent.
Many fathers only see their DCs EOW even if they live around the corner.

Think about famous singers who tour around the world - it wouldn’t be fair to keep taking their DCs out of school.

Many women on MN are SAHP or homemakers and don’t agree with women working or having a life outside of the home, so I’d take some of the comments with a pinch of salt.

Yes you have children, but their umbilical cords were cut a long time ago and their dad is just as capable of looking after them as you are.

I can understand that you really want to go, but I do think they're too young for such a long break.

Although I'm sure they'll be fine with their dad, I'd be concerned that they may feel "abandoned" by you, even subconsciously.

Also bear in mind that it may take them a while to get used to another change when you come back. It may be difficult to bond with them for a while, and they may act up.

Go for it. If you were in the military you would probably have a posting for that amount of time and plenty of families do that. Being in Europe and seeing them regularly is a perfect choice