To think that my ex and the court can’t control this?

[EW1995]

My ex stopped seeing our child a year ago - there has been a no contact court order in place due to severity of domestic abuse etc.

He has just started seeing her in a highly supervised contact centre setting (2 people supervising the whole time).

8 months ago we got a dog, which is a much loved member of our family, everything has been relatively straight forward and no concerns etc.

DD has mentioned her new ‘best friend’ (as she calls the dog!) to her dad, as an excited child would do, and her dad has now responded by calling my solicitor saying that he wants to raise a concern to the court - he doesn’t want DD living with a dog because he doesn’t feel that I have the capacity to care for both of them well enough together or keep DD safe around this dog either 🤨

Ex has never even see me care for a pet, but when we used to have contact, would always tell me I wasn’t allowed to have one - yes in my own home! - so I’m guessing DD telling him this has majorly pissed him off.

Surely there is nothing that he or the court can do to make me get rid of the dog?!

He also stated that he has seen photos (must have been stalking my social media) of DD and the dog cuddled on the sofa together which he feels is unsafe and irresponsible (even though I was sat next to them the entire time!)

What sort of breed is ddog? Probs irrelevant but may be…

The dog is a miniature poodle…

I personally feel that it is him trying to exert what little control and dominance he has left because he always said no pets and I have ‘defied’ him… if that even makes sense!

but I just want to know if he has a realistic chance in court or not about this??

I'd ignore his attempt at control. A judge will not direct against this, it is very normal to have a pet. I would lock down your social media though so he can't see anything.

I really wouldn’t worry what your ex thinks, although any dog can be dangerous a miniature poodle is small enough to pick up and move if it ever decides to eat your daughter. I’d imagine it would go in your favour as proves he’s controlling. Well done for getting rid of him

The court will not care. He is more of a risk to her then the dog and he is allowed access. Let him crack on, they'll laugh at him

Pets are normal. He is not. Any court will see that. Don't let him worry you, he is still controlling your thoughts here. It's absolutely normal to have a pet within your family.

Exactly this!

He's just trying to use it as a means to control you. As a parent he has a right (although it's actually a responsibility rather than a right) to be involved in major decisions regarding your DD. Does getting a dog count as that? I think it unlikely the court would think so unless he can demonstrate a justified reason for concern. Having a generalised concern about dogs and children is unlikely to meet that threshold unless you or the dog have a relevant history. His history of abuse and previous refusal to allow pets is likely to be relevant. I would suggest ignoring it but seeking advice in readiness to fight back I'd needed. Also consider harassment or a non-mol as this can be easily construed as such.

lock down your social media so he cant see you and block him on all your social media.

let him spend £££££ sending solicitors letters and threatening court. Ignore him compeltely.

@Resilience his excuse was before that he should be involved in what happens in my home because that’s where his child lives… therefore he gets to make decisions about what happens in my house including any pets (I grew up with snakes - small ones obviously) and am very well experienced in keeping them before DD and he said that if I ever had one in the home with DD he would kill it 🤨

A miniature poodle🤣 Good luck to him!

I know a girl who got two new Rottweilers and was worried her ex could use it against her in court. Two sons were 7 and 5 ish. I don’t think that was a good call to be honest or responsible of her. She had to get her previous one put down because it attacked someone….God knows why she got two more of the same.

Just ignore him, he just wants a rise out of you. Lock all your Social Media down, block him and document anything he says.

I know, I know that any breed of dog can behave dangerously with the wrong breeding and socializing, but ...

"Your honour, my ex has acquired a miniature 🐩 and I am deeply, deeply concerned for my child's safety."

Surely this ^ is likely to get shrift so short you'll need a microscope to measure it?! I genuinely LOL'ed when you said what breed DDog was!

He gets no say in your home what so ever

The only time would be if social services seemed it an unfit environment due to say waste etc. your ex would not be involved in anything along these lines

He's in cloud cuckoo landed if he thinks this and most likely knows he can't and us just mind fucking you.

Just ignore and carry on

I’d leave him to waste the court’s time. I second the suggestion of locking down your social media so he can’t use it against you. I’d also sign up for puppy training classes if you can afford it and consider working through the Good Citizen dog training

www.thekennelclub.org.uk/dog-training/good-citizen-dog-training-scheme/taking-part-in-the-good-citizen-dog-training-scheme/

i don’t think the court will give a shit about you having a miniature poodle but getting the certificates would be an extra FU to your muppet of an ex.

I'd argue the small dog is actually of benefit to you and your DD and I'm sure the courts would think the same.

If your DD when 16 or 18 (the point when the law decides contact can be refused by her) decides no more contact with her father, please support her in the decision.

It's absolutely nothing to do with him.

He's just trying to control you eve more - ignore!

I would definitely be up for some more training classes so thank you for the link! (Already had basic training etc but always open to more, especially as poodles are quite good breeds for things like that!)

thank you for all the reassurance - I’m not panicking as much now!

one thing he tried to use against me is that I’ve had mental health issues and have struggled with DD’s additional needs in the past, which is true (for most SEN parents too) but that was because he was constantly putting me down and telling me I was doing a bad job - I’ve come on leaps and bounds since I’ve had no contact with him and the professionals have stepped aside and left us to do our own thing for months now

This is one of those moments were the only answer is to laugh. Tell him he's welcome to take it to the court and leave it at that. This is just more controlling behaviour as you rightly suspect. Next he'll be complaining because you didn't consult him on the colour of DD's new curtains or whether she is allowed to watch tv before bed.

Properly vicious breed you chose there then!!

I can't see how the fucking waste of space can have any day in you having a dog, but I don't know for sure & sometimes the rights these abusive bastards are granted blows my mind.

best of luck that someone's tells the fucking nob to wind his stupid selfish ridiculous neck in

Well done on seeing him for the dickhead he is and that it’s all about still trying to control you. Any judge seeing him with a full supervised access and the joy the dog brings to your SEN child will not tell you to get rid!

Amazing how he is able to make such a decision when a court has already found that he is unfit to even be alone with his own child due to his past behaviour! I hardly think the court is going to take advice from someone who needs to be supervised with his own child versus someone who has evidently been caring for a child without support for more than a year!

his excuse was before that he should be involved in what happens in my home because that’s where his child lives… therefore he gets to make decisions about what happens in my house including any pets

This is just coercive control dressed up in a bit of "concern trolling" & any court would recognise it as such. Now he is continuing his campaign of post-separation abuse, & the courts would recognise it as such.

Do not engage with him about it.
You are not obliged to discuss any part of your domestic set-up with him.
and her dad has now responded by calling my solicitor saying that he wants to raise a concern to the court
Let him crack on, he'll be laughed out of it.
Please DO NOT RESPOND TO HIM - pay your solicitor the price of a letter, & let them handle his batshittery.

He doesn't really imagine he has a chance at controlling your pet ownership, he is simply looking to re-establish contact with you. Do not allow him to succeed.

He also stated that he has seen photos (must have been stalking my social media) of DD and the dog cuddled on the sofa together
FFS you need to lock down your settings & security.
You must not let this man access your private data, images - anything at all to do with you, or your life with DD.

I'm going to go further with this & suggest you look into Co-Parenting software.
Have a look at something like "My Family Wizard" & assess the features for yourself.
What it means for you is that ALL contact must now go through the software (or your solicitor if he wants to waste his own money). So - for you - no more lurches in the belly when you see his name pop up on screens. No need to have the need to respond preying on your mind. No ad hoc communications that could suck you back into dialogue with him. You simply log in as frequently as you wish, & deal with it when you are in the frame of mind to handle his nonsense.
AND - a single platform where all comms are stored, backed up in the cloud, that records all conversation between you. That tends to give abusive partners pause before they launch into eg personal attacks. It's also potentially useful as a record of YOU being neutral, bland & courteous, while HE "hangs himself" with his controlling, manipulative or otherwise abusive words ... should you ever need to lawyer up or get back to Courts/agencies again.

TL:DR - he's mad, & any professional will recognise this for the attempted controlling behaviour it is.